Bullet with Butterfly Wings

Ah, the irony. My tank is still in the shop. I miss it SO much. I never thought I could miss a car so much, but it holds a special place in my heart. I need it back soon. REALLY soon. Bought 3, count 'em 3, new CDs tonight: Sorry about Dresden, Songs for the Brokenhearted, and Smashing Pumpkin's Gish. HA! I have a new Smashing Pumpkins icon, which is very cool, I must say. I almost leaped out of my chair when I found it. I think I just used the wrong kind of leaped, but I don't really feel like fixing it. I am bored with life right now. I want to go away for a few days, like just to Mount Diablo or Mount Tam, maybe farther. I need to get away though, clear my head a bit, meet some new people. GO TO ASHLAND! That would be the best, though I doubt that'd fly with my parents. Maybe make a new friend. Fly a kite, that'd be fun. I'm a dork now.

The Execution of All Things

Intruiging day. Hung out with Helen, who rocks to the core of the earth. Going to the Rilo Kiley show with her, if I can get some wheels by then. The tank is still in the shop, sadly. That's partly why I've been depressed. Not to mention my unsurprising ventures back into depressing indie. But like I said, it's unsurprising. Must babysit again tomorrow. Hopefully I will not have to take them to the pool - too many LL kids go there, and I just don't like having to put on a Prufrock face. Can't do it anymore. Puppies names have changed again. Girl is still Kimba, boy was Obi-Wan at dinner, but now is something undecided. Mom can't make up her mind - she's the biggest hypocrite since I don't know. I have Tom DeLonge's (lame dood from Blink 182) sn. Don't ask me how I got it - I won't tell you. I am scared for Tom to come home. I am scared for lots of things. Like college. Like getting into some kind of trouble this summer. Like not professing my undying love for someone special. Ah, I just popped the Reindeer Section into my stereo. Haven't done that in a few months, basically because I have a hard time finding the CD I want amidst my collection of hundreds...haha shameless bragging. Ties with a best friend are slowly loosening...I don't know how to fix it, mainly because I feel this loosening isn't my fault. Oh well I guess. There are other fish in the sea. I hate cliches such as that one. I need change - I crave it constantly. I'm bored with this.

chair

I'm depressed. Clinically depressed. I came home early after a night of hanging with Jared to feel like a loser. I came home early. Anyone who reads this blog is going to know me really personally, btw. I don't tell anyone these things. I rarely care what people think of me, but for some reason, I feel like I need to stay out the latest and hang out the most. Is that a prob? Probably not, but I don't know why I feel that way. So instead I take lame internet tests that test my political prowess and emotional instability. This one test told me I'm clinically depressed and that I should seek professional help - which would probably help. I could use therapy. I just get sad too easily. But I crave sadness. I wrote a personal essay for my creative writing class about why I crave sadness. Wasn't my best writing, but it was honest, so I guess that makes it good. Earlier this year I was extremely depressed, but not too many people could tell you that. That's because I put on a mask like Prufrock and didn't ever say anything about it. But it was because April died. I miss her so much; I always will. I'm depressed now because of one stupid friend who professes his undying loyalty to me but turns around and is a total jerk. And I'd drop him entirely but I just love him too much. But you know who makes me happy? Ali. And Pasha too. They're funny guys and they make me laugh. But I crave someone who understands my sadness...that's all I need. Someone to be sad with, someone who knows how I feel when I'm happy and when I'm sad, someone who will share their sadness with me too. Man, I'm a hopeless sap. And I bought four new CDs today. It is Autumn on my money tree.

Let down, again

Just got back from hanging out with Kevin, and his friend Nadare whom I've never met in my life. The whole time they were talking about their friends and inside jokes, so I felt pretty stupid. I couldn't input anything into the conversation because I had no idea who or what they were talking about. It sucked - I had an awful time. His friend is cool, for sure, it just went back to "two's a company, three's a crowd." So I'm let down because I thought I was going to have a fun time with Kevin, a friend I see entirely too little of. Whatev, I guess. I got four new CDs - that kind of cheers me up. Not really, but okay...heh heh. Well, I'm going out, so yeah. I need to get rid of Kevin's car smell.

SECOND ENTRY FOR TODAY - YOWZERS!

Alright, I've just decided I'm going to marry Billy Corgan. Again. Plain and simple. The guy is a guitar god, not to mention his bald head is impossbily irresistible. I just want to lick it. Yeah, it sounds kinky, and any images from that are kinky, but who cares. He probably likes kinky stuff. I'd better stop there before I say something I'll regret. My puppy is doing well, btw. She is very colorful now, but no big black spots which is supposed to be desirable for the breed. S.w.e.e.t. Hmmm, what else? I bought the new Mars Volta album today. Jared called with the bad news that their show is sold out. MAN am I PISSED about that. That was one show this summer I DID NOT want to miss. If anyone out there has tix and doesn't want them, let me know dang it! Today was a boring day - I think just because I don't have my precious tank so I'm stuck driving the Acura. It does have a better soundsystem, at least. How which car I drive can dictate the pleasure rating of my day, I don't know. One must not question these things. Tomorrow I am hanging out with Kevin, and I think we will go to the SF Guitar Center so I can see if they have my precious Epiphone Les Paul LH in Cherry Sunburst. It is one fine piece of wood, you dig? Oh, I can hear the sweet overtones now, reverb galore, feedback abundant. I'll have sweet dreams about that gal tonight, for sure (the guitar, I mean). Now here's an idea: I'm going to get a job writing concert and CD reviews for an online zine or some website so I can get into shows for FREE. How cool is that? Tony suggested it to me. He is The Man. He and Johnny (a.k.a. Mr. Dewes). That there is one cool dood. Alright, I'm out like a light. Peace. Wish me luck chillin' with Kevin tomorrow...

What's goin' on, what's goin' on

Hey there, kids! Been driving stick today - I still don't like it - scares me to death for some reason. That, the dark and walking across log bridges are my three biggest fears ever. But I guess driving stick doesn't hold a candle to the other two. So, I'm alright. I have a lot to talk about - I know I do - I just can't think of anything. I'm better at writing really late at night. I'll write more later. For now, I'm off to visit my puppy!

Rock me all night long

I'm watching B.B. King - live - on TV right now. With Jeff Beck. If you've never heard of those guys, uh, I'm sorry for you. Don't even bother if you don't know who they are yet. But for those of you who do know who they are, they're really rocking right now. Beck's playing an awesome solo on a Strat right now - a little unconventional (I'd opt for the Tele for solos) but he wails, so it's all goooood. Um, so yeah. I worked way too long today - about 6 hours - and it wouldn't be that bad if I weren't so tired from working every other day this week and not going to bed until late. Meh. I had my first saxophone lesson today - it was very fun. My teacher, Tony, has this giant poster of Charlie Parker right on the wall, and he stares at you as you play. I bought my brother that poster a while back at T-Shirt Orgy, but I'm pretty sure he lost it. Then again, maybe it's hanging on his wall. Either way I'm taking it with me to college. He won't miss it...;). So yeah, my day was rather boring, though I'm hoping to go to SF tomorrow and play frisbee on the marina or sumting. That might be fun... Rightee-o!

"Fallin' out of sleep"

Just got another Smashing Pumpkins album today - "Adore." Def good, really mellow for the Pumpkins. Quite remarkable actually, their versatility, I mean. Sometimes they rock harder than hard; othertimes they're mellower than a sleeping snail. Do snails even sleep? Okay, bad analogy, but I think y'all probably get the gist. Um, I have my first saxamophone lesson tomorrow! Woohoo, am I excited! For one WHOLE HOUR too! It's gonna be good. I'll be playing like Charlie Parker before you know it! Then I can show Cuddly Evil Bear how smooth I rock and we'll fall in love and live happily ever after 'til I leave for college. Hmmm, this could work. Or fail. Or both. Um, I know other stuff happened today. Oh yeah! I went to Old Navy and Ross with Celeste. And then I babysat these two kids, a ninth grader and third grader, well, I really chauffered them around to keep them away from gluttony. The ninth grader has three guitars - a bass, electric, and acoustic - and loves Led Zep and Grateful Dead and all that, so I took them to Guitar Center and Rasputin's and Best Buy. The little one likes video games, so we went to the mall too. They are probably the two coolest kids I've ever babysat, which is saying a lot because I've babysat a lot in my day. Yes, they are cool. Oh, I almost forgot the funniest part! We were driving up Main Street and Ryan, the older one, started making this screeching noise (think a Ringwraith screech) at general passers- and driversby. This one old Chinese guy started yelling at him in Mandarin or something - we couldn't tell what he said obviously - but then he proceeded to follow us for about a mile down the road. WAY SCARY. That guy was psycho. Then we were down on Main Street by Jamba Juice and Starbucks and all that, and Ryan started saying casually to this guy on the sidewalk "Hey man, you're reallly cool. Yeah, you, you're way cool." The guy (who had the gangliest teeth I've ever seen, and that's saying a lot since I work at a dentist's office) came over to my car on Ryan's side and was like, "Hey man, how's it going?" Then he patted the side of my car and walked away. First off, the guy was a complete and utter nerd, but second of all, does he think he's being cool by patting the side of my car and flashing his disgusting grin? Does he think he's cute? Well sorry man, you're just about the ugliest thing since Moe Syzlak and I'm pretty sure there was spinach protruding out of your crooked chompers too. Man, Walnut Creek is getting weird. OH YEAH, I was driving on Main Street again later today with Celeste, and there were street people, I'm talking full-blown, hackey sacking, dreadlock-sporting, Birkenstock-clad people, sitting on the sidewalk outside of Starbucks. I tell ya, Walnut Creek is def getting weird. Dad and Robert are off camping = heaven. That's enough for me - sleep beckons.

I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I went out with Pasha - I think he is so cool, a kool kat even, and I don't say that about just anyone. For so long I've wanted to get to know him, to at least be friends with him. And I'd say we're that, friends, but, ugh, I don't know. I couldn't open up like I do so easily with EVERYONE. It's not Pasha - we have one of those "connections." Maybe I was just tired after a long day of work - that could def be it, since normally I go til about 1 am without even a hint of fatigue... I think that's it, I'm just really tired. I'm having to retype just about every phrase of this blog because I keep typing the wrong letters...not fun. So gosh, Pasha, I'm sorry for being a drag. I was a drag on myself, but we must chilleth again when I have some juices - tonight was just an awful night for me. And no worries about peeing - hahahaha! See, I'm not even my normal witty self. Something is wrong. AND, we didn't talk about my void, which makes me sad, because if there's anyone I'd talk about my void with, it's Pasha. Please read this Pasha, and please know this, otherwise I'll just tell you the next time I talk to you. Oh yeah, I left my sunglasses in your car too...

I am writing this entry for my dearest Finella, a person so fine I call her friend. Now, where to start...had to work today, major bummer. Dentistry, yay. Assissted on a rather bloody extraction. Strong stomachs come in handy for Acadamy-Award winning gore. Hmmm, what else? Today was a rather boring day, just working. Oh yeah, I went out with Celeste tonight. We went to the Pleasant Hill library (ooh, I love that place!) and Barnes and Noble. And Wendy's, after she told me before how she didn't want to eat out...whatever, that's Celeste dear for you. I swear we went somehwere else, but we probably didn't. I'm rather forgetful. Gosh, I keep using the word "rather" a lot. That's rather annoying. Woops! There I go again! Zwan's new video for "Lyric" was on Noggin tonight - of all stations. It's very cool. It's just the band walking through the streets of New York with acoustics playing and singing the song. It's really cool, very art-deco-meets-indie-rock. Well, that's about it for my rather boring day. Oh wait! My voice teacher Nancy gave me her Ken Burns' Billie Holiday CD! Woo hoo! Free CD!!!

Um, I just heard the most disgusting thing in my life. My brother and I were heading up to Shell Ridge to take a night walk as it is an impossibly beautiful night, and right at the entrance was this car. Far away from the car, we heard what we thought were people talking. But the closer we got, the faster we realized what was really going on. Needless to say, we ran out of there. Oh my gosh, it was disgusting. The girl was yelping so loudly; it was SO gross. SO gross. Ew, ew, ew. Okay, hopefully I'll get over it soon - it was so gross. Okay, other than that, today was a good day. I went cruising with Maggie in her brand spankin' new Jeep, very cool, and we sprayed people with Super Soakers. A little on the wild side for conservative old me ( I get my groove on at concerts more), but overall very fulfilling. Went to a stingy family party tonight - waaaaaay uncool, as I was nearly forced to sing. AnYwAy, I visited my pup again - she is so cute. Possible names: Achela (pronounced a-kay-la), Little Bear (as she currently resembles a polar bear cub), uh, and others I don't really care about. Man, I'm going to download some guitar tabs. Later, y'all.

Okay. We're getting a dog. A Queensland heeler. It's an Australian cattle dog. We can't decide on a name. Either Tilly, Dari, or Kylie. I like Dari. Robert Katie Michael like Kylie. My parents like Tilly. Tilly will most likely be the name because my parents are buying her in the first place; therefore, they think they have more say than the rest of us. Whatever. Corey was at church today and it was good to see him. He's doing well, just got off a month-and-a-half long tour in Europe. He's on the covers of various Russian, German, and US skate mags, released his own board about a month ago...he's doing well. He promises we'll hang out, but he and his brother are exactly the same about promises, i.e. forget them as soon as they make them. Whatever again. Man, Tilly, Dari or Kylie. I liked Siouxsie too, but they ruled that one out. "Too exotic," they protested. My dad thinks Dari is too exotic, yeah like Tilly isn't. Till the Pill. That's what I see. My sister's skin is orange. My older sister's. She uses tan-in-a-can religiously - seriously every other day, AT LEAST - at tans in skin cancer booths. She's going to get skin cancer. I give her ten to fifteen years before she starts wrinkling like a raisin. She's disgusting. Ooh, Radiohead Videography on MTV2. I love those guys. I guess I should go watch it. Thom Yorke is one of the scariest guys in the music business, just because his eyes blink at different times, never in unison. His left eye is always halfway shut, his right eye fully open. Man, he's weird. Perry is so cute too. I've been really into jazz lately. Have I said that before? I think I have. I forget things easily. Whoa, Thom Yorke up close to the screen, vampire teeth to the max. I'm talking sharp, carnivorous, canine teeth. I'm pretty sure he's a vegetarian or vegan too. Too bad. Someone who would actually use those teeth should have them.

Last night I graduated from high school. Yay. Then we had the All-Knighter. Yay again. I saw Perry at graduation, but he had a lit cigar in his pocket. Now, at first whiff I said, Ew, get away, smoke, gross, but I must say, cigars smell niiiiiiice. I'm going to stop there before I say something I might regret. Tom comes home two months from today, though I'm not sure how I'm going to react when I see him. He and I have become very close while he's been away through letter writing and such, so I'm a little skeptical about how that's going to carry over into an actual relationship, a plutonic relationship, I hope. I do not want to get involved with him now, and especially not him considering the history with him. Wow, these are deep thoughts. Now all y'all who're reading this better not go spreading it around, or, uh, I won't be your friend anymore! (See how one can be graduated from high school yet still carry on as a juvenile...ai yi yi). Love y'all. Peace out 'til next time. Oh wait, the All-Knighter was fun. I loved the slide and the motorized toilets the most, and OF COURSE, the bands. Zak really really shreds - the dude is crazy. Dewes' speech rocked the house; Shereen's attempt at political correctness made me want to barf - sometimes she can be a hypocrite. Or maybe I'm just in such strong disagreement with her and her speech that I'm bitter, this could be true. Nevertheless, I think it's a combination of the two. Okay, the day goes on. Later.

Graduation tonight. I'm excited. A little sad because I won't have the joy of hating high school anymore. I guess I can always say "I hated high school" instead of using the present tense. I didn't hate high school entirely, just certain people (see my column in the last issue of The Page for more info concerning this). I am scared for graduation. Hilary Jackl and Brittany Rogers a.k.a. "Moo Moo" sit in front of and to the right of me, respectively. They swear like sailors...or worse. Which isn't too fun for my virgin ears. Hey, I'm graduating with honors now! I made it this semester, so I get to wear the nice gold cords. Yay. Man, I don't know what else to say except that I love Billie Holiday. That gal rocks. I should go get ready for graduation now...only an hour til I should leave.
Cheers everyone!

Dood, second post today. Alright, so I'm a little enthusiastic about this... chances are no one has even read this stoopid thing yet. So I just got back from Rasputin's and I saw Tony there selling some old promos. That's pretty cool. He's a cool guy, just, uh, old. 30-something's not that old, but dang, anything older than about 29 is old to me. Oh, he has kids. That automatically makes him old in my stoopid opinyun. I bought Billie Holiday's Love Songs and a Matador Records comp. Sweet stuff, although I've only listened to the Billie Holiday so far. Man, the music from back then was insanely good, and her voice, though hoarse and crackly, melts over my ears like butter over hot cakes. Good stuff, the tuneskies, not the hot cakes (mmm, hot cakes). Um, what else? Oh yeah, I'm graduating tomorrow - rather we're graduating tomorrow as most of the peeps reading this thing are probably seniors - and I'm really excited. NO MORE "GO WHITNEY" ANYMORE - WOO FRICKIN' HOO! Man, that girl drives me crazy!, and certainly not in the affirmative. You know, that Tony is a cool guy. Off to my little sister's 8th grade graduation! bleh!

Uh, hi guys. This is my first blog entry, which is cool, cuz I think these things are groovy. Okay, so today were my creative writing and journo finals...sad day. Creative writing was sad because that class has been so awesome and I had it with my sweet Pear Bear. Journo was sad because it's a legacy coming to an end. It was hard. I wrote a song for the in-class issue and played it. I sounded so bad, just cuz I had eaten some creamy chocolate pie and that's no good right before singing. Darn. Well, I have to take my bros to their music lessons and then go buy some CDs. Maybe some Billie Holiday...Bright Eyes too...alright, later.