Look Ma, The Sun Is Shining On Me

Love today. Played Ferris Bueller with McKenna and Eric B in SF. Bought something (can't say what on here!), walked the streets, played in the chairs at the Clift (almost), rode the elevator up and down, up and down at the St. Francis...yes. And the Lord saw it and called it good. Highlight of the day: legless man riding a skateboard. Now slap my cheeks and call me Sally - that's something you don't see every day.

Received immediate ridicule and looks of disgust from my mother and elder sister the moment I stepped off the plane. Thank you for placing me under constant scrutiny. There's nothing I love more than unnecessary and unjustified criticism from two members of my own family.

Chris Rains - you're my hero. The plane ride was amazing. Thank you.

My mother and sister Becky want my brother Robert to cut his hair and shave his goatee. Quite honestly, he looks good with long hair and a bit of chin stubble. "You ruin everything, Lisa," says the mom. Oh well. You can hate your grandkids someday too since I'll approve of their long hair and first attempts at styled facial hair similar to Robert's. And there's my only depression my life that's been nothing but looked down upon by my mother.

But today was a great day. Just a great frickin day. Eric Burstyn and McKenna Stevens, love you with all my heart. We'll do it again, just the three of us. Not sure one can recreate a day as spontaneous and magical as today, but it could happen. We'll make it.

Bless your hearts. I'm off to Hannah's :)

I Wanna Rock! (Rock!)

Mmmm. Eddie keeps wowing me with amazing jackets. Saw him today wearing a bright orange ski jacket. Love that guy. Hi-fived me and I squeezed his arm telling him how much I loved his jacket. hot deal. love that eddie king.

country roads, take me home to the place where i belong. norcal, mountain mama, take me home country roads. this tuesday baby.

sloan. you're amazing.

slipped on ice yesterday and sprained my ankle. love it here so much. luckily chris was with me so he could help me up. yeah. like i have no idea how i'm going to get around tomorrow. i'm going to try and stay off the thing the rest of the night so i can maybe...hopefully...walk again tomorrow. yeah. it already feels a bit better; it's swollen to the size of an orange though (well, at least a small one).

mmm not much else to say. jealous of sloan on his mexican cruise. but that's all. love you all. keep on truckin.

<3 lisa

Night on the Sun

Wow. I mean like W.O.W. Modest Mouse and Helio Sequence tonight, plus Winford E.I. from Oaktown. They were....not that good. But wow. Helio Sequence. Let's talk about amazing talent. Sloan, call me right now so we can talk about this. Modest Mouse....incredible. I thought I'd have something amazing to say about it but i'm going on three hours of sleep from last night so i should probably call it quits. love you all. coming home tuesday night. call me, we'll chizill.

kablerium vs. obliviousity

Good days these past couple. Sloan + Lisa = true love ;) Saw Eddie yesterday in the JKHB but snubbed him by not talking when he slowed down to talk...felt bad. Saw him again today and he said Hi again, wore the hottest green sweater ever. Want it for myself. What else...been sleeping like crazy lately. Just woke up from a two hour snoozefest when I have a ten page research paper due tomorrow = bad news. Hardly started. But I've gotten an A on every paper in there so far so I'm not too worried. It just means a long tonight and longer tomorrow. But that's okay. Baby, now that I've found you I can't let you go. Love my friends back home. Miss you all. Can't wait to chill with y'all next week. Talk about heaven! w00t!

Okay. Modest Mouse and Helio Sequence show TOMORROW NIGHT!!! SO EXCITED BABY!!

And that's the end of the show for tonight. Come back soon!

As You Are

Loving Travis right now. Francis...you're my hero. thing is, i'm sitting in the library supposed to be working, but instead i'm just kind of grooving to music, writing in my blog, talking to the cute boy next to me..heh heh. yeah. home again in eight days, kind of weird. this last trip home was a little weird, i think i said that before. but walnut creek just doesn't feel the same anymore. it's doesn't really feel like home. then again, provo doesn't always feel like home either. constant give and take, i guess. slept through my nine o'clock this morning, almost didn't make it to my ten o'clock either (i at least didn't get there til 10:30...eep!), but it's the first time i've done that, so i'm over it. i dont really know what to write. i'm going to be home again soon. i'm not in denial about how i'm growing apart from old friends, unlike some of these same old friends...it's natural for us to grow apart. let's not fight nature. i sound like i don't wanna be friends with these people anymore. that's totally not true, but i just don't feel the same fire and warmth in the friendship that used to be there. we're all different now; we all have different friends at college and we're going in different directions with our lives...i know in my case, i'm finally doing things i've talked about doing my whole life. things are taking off, life is great, i'm happier than ever almost. so let's make promises to be friends forever and call the worrying quits, okay? you guys know we'll always be friends...we'll have those once yearly phone calls or we'll exchange holiday cards. for crying out loud, you don't go all the way through high school, through thick and thin, as best friends only to trivialize everything by letting absence get the better of you...please girls, no. it won't happen to us. not all the way. but kids. my research paper beckons and procrastination never helped anyone. love to all. kristy and jessie - come back from arizona already!! Heh heh heh...::evil laughter:: YES!!

Origin of Symmetry

Being home is weird. Oh yeah, I'm home for all of you who didn't know. Coming back Sunday, maybe Monday, so don't fret. But yeah, being home is really strange. I think I captured it best when I said to my mom, "It's interesting. Life changes so much every day at college. I change so much. When I come home, everything is exactly the same. The same po-po's prowl the downtown streets, the same gutter punks are hanging outside the theater...life just doesn't change here." So tonight I was chilling in Barnes and Noble with Celeste, and I felt out of place. I felt like Eric should be popping out from behind a corner, or that Eddie's bubbly laugh should be radiating from some nearby table, or that Andrea should be randomly coming into my room...but none of this happened. None of it will happen. It's sad really...when I'm there I long to be here; now that I'm here, I long to be there. "No one is ever happy where they are," says the Prince. He's so right. Just today Eric asked me if I considered Provo "home" yet, and I said. "No. Provo will never be home. Home is always my parents' house." But I almost feel like revoking that. Whether I like it or not, Provo holds a lot of meaning for me right now. It's where my surrogate family is, it's where my life is. Walnut Creek holds little for me other than my own bed, my high school friends, and serves as the primary locale for all my childhood endeavors. Life isn't in Walnut Creek anymore. Life is in Provo. I've finally realized this. I'm finally ready to accept it.

Best Day of My Life

Wonderful day today.
Class at 8 am. Left early and found Becky who was sick so I bought her some throat drops.
Home to sleep for two hours.
Woke up and talked to my favorite people online. John Garlock, Sean Conroy, Celeste Naima, Brian Emmett.
Went up to campus, settled in the library at a comp and found some cool classes to take online.
Walked up the stairs from Periodicals and Eddie was standing at the top. Broke conversation to begin one with me. Love that Eddie boy. SO amazing.
Wilk for lunch. Called Britt and went to the Provo City Library to get our froggie cards and delve into the shelves. No time though.
Voice at 3. Enthused and raring for auditions in January. I kick vocal arse.
Called Mom after class and had a good talk.
Tanner for choir. Scott walking out as I walked in. Talked to him for a moment while standing no more than 4 inches away. Left before choir even began but signed the attendance anyway. Brushed against his stomach and said goodbye.
Sat inside talking to mom while choir progressed. Scott came back to cross out his initials on the attendance - said I made him feel guilty. Affectionately slugged my arm as we exchanged goodbyes again.
Knees turned to jelly as I recounted to my mom my history with him. Love Scott. Amazing man.
Choir rocked the house.
Went home and then back up to campus for "Through the Olive Trees," a Persian film. Loved it. Dinner with Britt before, movie with Britt, library with Britt after.
Called Mckenna for a Happy Birthday wish.
Found Eric hard at work playing minesweeper on his lappie. Moved to sit next to him as Britt had since left.
Talked forever. Love Eric.
Met two boys who were very cute sitting across the table from us. Nice kids.
Ride home from Eric. Grimmace is flipping off all of Utah Valley on East Bulldog. Check it out.
Home now. No homework anymore prease. Talking to all my favorite people...almost.
Love changes everything.

Where You'll Find Me Now

Hada nice little campfire last night. Saw Spirited Away - amazing movie, btw. Chilled at Jessie's. Invented the Puzzle Club. Met Juliana. Church today with Britt and J. Just got stuck in an elevator with about 26 other people. Nearly suffocated. Tons o' fun. Yeah. Def tons o' fun. Had dinner in the Cannon with Britt, J, and Eric. Met this awesome guy named Chris. Love that guy. Dark and sinister while still being fairly sane. Saw my other favorite people- Hayley, Andrea, Allison, Brandon, Forest, Julianne, Eddie (who squeezed my knee, btw ;) ) and others. And the Lisa saw it and declared, "Today was good." Talked to Allison and Bea on the phone too. Bless their hearts, I miss them. Um okay. Really should go now. Love and peace to all.

The Beautiful Occupation

Scariest dream ever last night. Dreamt that I was driving my family's Suburban and it broke down and I was pissed because I was in a hurry for....
Forest and Andrea's wedding. Sorry guys. I don't know how or why or what subconscious message that conveys...I'm just so sorry. It was pretty hilarious though. I honestly woke up and my heart was pouding. 'Twas a pretty harrowing dream I guess.

Mama's got a squeezebox, Daddy never sleeps at night!! --Love this Song

Peace the "You-know-what" Out

Btw, I saw Eddie in the library tonight. EDDIE THE KING IN THE LIBRARY ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!!!! ::SIGH:: Love that man with heart and soul, I'm so in love with you....yeah.

Wow. I mean like W.O.W.

So Friend Male has been digging Friend Female like MAJORLY this past little while, and she has been trying to get him to back off, but to no avail. He keeps pursuing. Really messed up game of cat and mouse, but the mouse actually wants to be friends with the cat, and the cat wants to be lovers with the mouse. Whoa. Messed up analogy too, but the thing is I'm tired and it's rather late considering I've been up since 7 am. Sheesh give me a break people. Things are going alright though. Got in a nice huge fight with my parents tonight about me coming home. "You're not going to be coming home at the rate you're going," said Dad. "Um, what are you talking about Dad?" "You know what I'm talking about." Yeah, vagueness solves all our problems Dad, really gets us closer to the answer. He was mad at me for wanting to see my friends when I'm home next weekend. But instead of saying nicely like "Lisa, I don't want you having friends over," he completely BLEW UP LIKE A BOMB, out of the roof. It was insane. I just started crying so hard and Britt was with me. It was so stupid. We always fight about the stupidest things. The Stupidest Things. So look here kids, I wanna go to bed. I think I'm going to. Okay. Love you all with the fire of a thousand flames. Made a lot of sense. K Bye.

I don't think I am cut out for love. Every time I start loving someone they don't love me back. Or I love them so much it hurts but they rub the pain in my face and never bandage me up like a nice person would do. Every intimate relationship I've been in has ended in me backing out due to fear of commitment. Think about it. I don't need to give examples - that would probably hurt and embarrass some people - but they're there. There is something inside of me that says I can only be friends, never more. Every time I start caring for someone as more than a friend, I back away and realize that we'd never be more than friends. Never. Because Lisa can't be more than friends.
And intimacy. I feel like such a *;ajsdfv;a* normal person. Normal. I've had a perfect life. My parents have always loved one another, my family has always supported me, my parents have most always been proud of me. I'm away at school and I'm still making all the *skdj* right choices and hanging out with a group identical to my friends at home. I've got my Celeste and my Perry, my Helen, my Bea and Hannah. Sure there are minor differences, but I have another Perry. At *djdjdh* BYU. Perrys aren't supposed to be at BYU. There are only supposed to be Sam Joneses and David Glenns...no Perrys.
But intimacy. I honestly feel like I have nothing to open up about. My life has been 99% perfect. A+ perfect. What do I have to show for it though? Not much more than a bleeding heart and hollowness. I have no major problems that have affected me my whole life, at least nothing I haven't come to terms with. I guess that's one good thing about being away from home: I've conquered and overcome my main source of depression in life. But if you ask me one thing I'm sad about, I can only say that I'm not sad. I am a lover, a protector, an unconditional friend. Because even if you flake on me 20 times I will still be your friend. That's rather pathetic. Truth is therefore pathetic. But there is something inside of me that makes me love unconditionally. And I will love anyone. Anyone at all. Loving is my best hobby I guess.
I love no one more than the next. I love strangers just as much as I love my sisters. I love Simon just as much as I love Garfunkel. Chances are I love you too.
Papa's favorite poem was this little ditty called "Press On." I don't remember how it goes, but I guess the title itself relays the overall message effectively enough. Press On. Press On. Press On.
Sometimes I think that maybe I can talk to dead people. Like spirits. And they will come right next to me, or at least tune into my voice from whatever cloud they're on, and they will listen to me talk to them. I say things like "I miss you" and "How is heaven?" and I tell them what life is like. It's like April and her balloons, may God bless her soul.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't even know why I'm writing. I just know that I love you Eric more than anything too. And I love Perry and I want you to come home safe and sober. And I love you all. That's one of the only things I know for sure. I just love you all and I will do anything for you and I will die for you if you really really need me to.
No simple man ever wrote anything worth reading.

Eye

So I just wrote this to Britt but I'm going to say it again. when i read the lyrics to "stand inside your love" i wonder who billy was in love with when he wrote that song, where the emotion behind it came from. because that's some strong stuff you know. it came from deep within his sorry lonely heart, it came from a yearning to be loved as much as he loves. But billy, forget your longing. i love you.
okay that was freaky.
but tonight was fun because i went on a "random spontaneous outing" to savers with britt, dave and eric. fun times. ::sigh:: i found a grey members only jacket that i was SO going to buy for only seven dollars to resell at home for ten, but i passed up the chance. that's okay. i bought a fun retro authentic retro bag, kind of like the ones puma makes now but mine is actually from the 70s. well it looks like it is. the three layers of grime on it say it is. i am listening to SP right now. i haven't listened to them in a while. that's probably why i got sick - my body was going through SP withdrawl.
so the thing is: i am deathly tired, but i have a rough draft of a my research paper due tomorrow. i really don't want to do it, but it is worth points, and doing it will at least have me one step closer to completing the paper.
i think maybe i love people too much sometimes. i love perry too much, but he needs to be loved too much because he's not loved enough. wow. that's a depressing thought.
sometimes i am too good of a friend. i did tom's research for his bio poster, and some of forest's too. but that's okay. i got a good laugh considering neither of them know how to conduct a search.
but right now i'm working on a research paper of how the Walt Disney Company is trying to take over the world. it's going well so far, considering the fact i started on it an hour ago and the rough draft (it's a 10 page paper, mind you) is due 8 am tomorrow morning. groovy baby. or kitschy, as sean and jack would say. fun times. love to all, must work for real now.

A Newfound Comfort

Wow. I am sick right now - viral infection in my lungs. But things are great. Halloween was a blast. I just chilled with Eric, Britt, Dave, Hugh, and Sam. Sam I just met last night, he's a friend of Hugh's, but I of course have known Eric, Britt and Dave much longer. I am slowly forgetting Eddie. Sure, he is devastatingly gorgeous, but my interests and admirations have shifted as of late. Didn't come home til 6 in the morning. When Eric dropped me off at HH around 5:15 or so, my friend Brent and his friend Steven were outside throwing snowballs. They were going to Del Taco and said "COME!" so I did. And it was fun. So I got to bed around 6:15 and got up about 1. Spent the day in the library. Went to a Student Composer Showcase with Forest and laughed my head off. Then saw the original "Frankenstein" with Jessica from down the hall. She's great. I like her a lot - way cool gal. Eric called and off to his friend's apartment which was so much fun. They are way cool kids. Just sat around their fireplace, drank cider, played guitar and sang, talked, joked, laughed. Eric's parents called my cell trying to reach Eric. That was trippy. Tonight was a good night. A really random, spontaneous, fun night. I'm loving the band Tortoise right now too. Def check them out if you're into the instrumental indie thing. Coming home in less than two weeks = 12 days. Way excited. Best weekend ever with my sibs and pup and best friends that are home :) Miss you all. Love you more <3.