Another Lonely Day

Today was a weird day. Woke up still really sick so I called in sick to work but had to go in for a few hours anyway. That sucked. But I got to go home and lay around, so that rocked.

Then I went to the florist and worked. That was good because I made my first tips ever...six dollars total. Won't buy me much, but any tip is appreciated.

Supposed to get off at six, didn't get off til seven thirty. Not bummed because time flew by.

Got home. My grandma, my nice grandma, the one that winks at you and sparkles her eyes instead of saying "Hello" or "I love you," the one that gives you Nillas in a ziplock bag with one for the road, the one who wrapped your presents so tightly and perfectly at holidays you didn't want to open them even though you knew something so magical and marvelous was just under that millimeter's width of paper...that grandma...went into the hospital today. She might have stomach cancer. She might die.

My grandpa died four years ago this September, and Grandma's been telling her friends that she would live for four years after his death and that was it. Four years is four months away.

So I'm trying not to get down about it, because after all, she's lived one unbeatable life. But she is my grandma, and she loves me and I love her, and talking to her and visiting with her last Thursday, bringing her roses, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Not because she's boring or because I don't like being with her. Because she could hardly form a sentence, and she's so thin her skin seems transparent. Because she doesn't eat and can't walk and is too weak to get up. Because that gem in her eye is fainter than I've ever seen it, and I'm just not ready to see my grandma go.

But at least she'd be happy, you know?