A few things.

Did I tell you I got my hair cut? No, probably not, because I don't need blogging right now. I realized that the other day. I used to write and blog a lot, about many different things. Mainly about questions I had or minor moral dilemmas or noteworthy happenings. My life is not boring, per se. I am just not struggling, so I don't feel the urge to write.

Or perhaps I am more personal now. I used to write such personal things on the Internet. I don't care to share them anymore.

I would say the latter is the answer. As I analyze my current state of struggle, I realize there are a few things I'm struggling with. I do not care to share them online.

Nevertheless, I got my haircut. My boss somewhat snidely remarked that it's "edgy." "What do we call this look?" he jibed. "I think I'll call it 'edgy'," said like a pompous king who's naming the Universe. (He meant no harm by it. I am only upset he is back from his week-long absence.)

Last week I realized that I have not had a cute haircut since before my mission. I classify cute as a cut more interesting that one length/semi-layered hair that falls below the shoulders. I mean BORING. To me at least.

My new stylist Brandan, who is every bit as fabulous as Patrick (former stylist in Utah)--(and I don't mean fabulous in the homosexual way), took off six or more inches of hair. My horses' tail is reduced to a cute little sprig of heather. I like it very much. Since it's been 100 degrees or more for months and months now, my neck likes it very much too. I feel so much more like myself.

I have given up on so many hopes and dreams I've had throughout my life. Dreams of writing, being a journalist, a singer, a DJ, being in a band, directing a choir, living in New York, etc. My life has definitely not gone any of these ways. I teach music lessons and I work as an admin at an oil and gas firm. The teaching part is great--I love it--the admin part pays my bills and gives me headaches. I'm working out like I should, but I'm not eating as clean as I can and should, and I know it. So I'm guilting myself over it. I'm tired of listening to myself and all my "shoulds" and "wills". I'm just not doing them. I'm capable of many of them, but I'm not doing them. I'm lazy. It's too hard. I can make endless excuses for why I'm not. At the end of the day I'm just not.

Far cry from what I was saying a few posts ago. If you want something badly enough, you'll do it.

I will do "it", in all its many forms. Just not this week. Tomorrow will be a better day :)