Christmas time is here (no longer)

I used to be so sad as a kid when Christmas left. Melancholy hit hard and an ominous feeling remained. I knew that no day of the year would be as good as that one, blessed day.

I don't feel that way about Christmas anymore.

This has been an interesting twelve days. We haven't been home to my parents' house since November 2010, and then we were only here for about three days (It was a waste. We will not travel for Thanksgiving ever again). I hadn't seen one of my siblings since then, and I don't really keep in close contact with any of them (not for lack of trying). I tried conversing with them, but it often felt labored and unreciprocated. Their inside jokes were no longer ours; our collective unconscious don't relate like they used to. Mom still thinks I can't cook, or maybe that I make gross food. Things improved through our time together, a little. But Jeff and I are used to our family of two, and I am happy with that.

I am so happy married to Jeff, and sometimes I don't realize how happy I am with our simple life until I come to Walnut Creek and do things the way I grew up doing them, not the way we do them now, together. We were at dinner with friends a few nights ago, and we all commented and agreed upon marriage as the ultimate way to live life. It is so fulfilling and rewarding, limitlessly. Jeff is so accepting of all my crazy ideas, and I his. We live and think and do the way we want to, not the way our parents taught us. Some nurture remains, of course. Our spiritual habits were taught to us by our parents and we carry them on because we love and cherish and need them, but it is our choice to continue those. Our life is very much ours now, and we have learned to live differently--perhaps better (we think), perhaps worse--from how we lived as children. We are just happy.

I visited a good friend yesterday. I tended her two oldest boys one glorious Berkeley summer. She is a sociologist at UC Berkeley. I think awfully highly of her, her husband, their family and their little slice of Berkeley heaven (which happens to be a few blocks from Cheeseboard Pizza Collective--my favorite). We chatted over many things, but one I liked most was a chat about people with reportedly happy marriages. One common characteristic of "happy marriages" is the forging of a new family, i.e. both husband and wife invest in each other as #1 friend, confidant, and support. Ties with mothers and fathers and siblings are not lost, but they change. I recall before I married Jeff, my mom told me frankly, "I don't want to know anything that happens between you and Jeff. I won't be here to give advice like I did during your dating years. Anything that comes up, you two need to work it out together." Mom's are always right, at least mine is. I am grateful for a wise mother.

Jeff and I had some pictures taken the other day by two masterful photographers. You can see some here.

We got to go hiking up near Tahoe last Friday. It was so gorgeous. Kimba is a good hiker. I love that dog with all my heart. I hope she never dies; she will never die in my heart. No dog will ever be as great to me as Kimba is. She is so sweet and loving, to me at least. We played hide and go seek a few nights ago, and she cheated. What a great dog. Cheating dog = great dog.

Houston, see you tomorrow.