Love when you're far away

A week ago tonight, I came back from my trip to Utah.

Meg and Scott's wedding was so very beautiful. I haven't been to a civil marriage recently that wasn't a Catholic ceremony (if you know what I mean...). Theirs was so unique, so full of love and beauty. I loved watching from afar as Meg walked up the hill for her and Scott's "first look." My heart fluttered remembering the first time Jeff saw me in my wedding dress and it really hit us that we were getting married, that we would belong to each other. Meg and Scott's day got better and better. I felt so honored to be there, to be welcomed so fully by her family and to be part of the beginning of the rest of their life together. Scott sang Meg "Here, There and Everywhere". They had the perfect mom/son, dad/daughter dance songs. Everything was perfect. Weddings are so wonderful.

I reflected a lot while I was in Utah. I spent time with good friends and compared my current self with who I was when I lived in Utah. I have grown a lot, for the better I think. I used to hate Utah and Utahans. I still don't understand some of the fashion choices made by Utahans, but I don't understand a lot of things. I love the mountains. I love the fact that people can walk downtown just as I walk to church. I love how nice people are in Utah and how clean it is. I love all the old buildings. I love that I randomly ran into at least 6 friends. Mostly I love the family I have in Utah. I classify all the friends I have in Utah as family because they are that to me.

It's odd how you don't often realize how badly you miss someone, or how much someone means to you, until you reunite with them and your heart does a funky dance and you can't imagine how you lived without them in your daily life. That goes for places too, I suppose, because when I drove out to Vernal one day I felt like my heart was on the verge of cardiac arrest. You guys, those mountains through Park City and Heber, they are magical. They speak to my soul.

I felt a lot of anxiety before leaving Houston. Jeff has been so swamped and stressed between work and his MBA, and I don't see him much. I've worked hard on taking over all the house duties and serving him selflessly. Most of our marriage, we have shared house duties, but I feel so much more endeared to him and grateful for him the more I do for him. It's been a valuable lesson to me. I love him so much.

Houston, oh Houston. Sometimes I really loathe you as a place. As I type there's a fantastic thunderstorm outside (just had a 7-second rumble of thunder), and this is how I like you best. You have great storms.

The night after I got back from Utah, we had a Relief Society activity to finish up our service project from Girls Camp. We made washable hygiene/menstruation kits for girls and ladies in Africa. I feel passionate about this project, and it was so awesome to work on it with the girls at camp and with my sisters in my ward. I may not like Houston, but I sure do love my people here. I have learned a lot of lessons here, and I keep learning more lessons, some easier than others.

My young cousin Wyatt killed himself last Friday. He shot himself. Craig died almost a year ago, Andrew died six months ago, and now Wyatt. Each of their deaths have caused me to reflect deeply on how I live my life, how I reach out to others. Craig's death was not his choice; he made such an impact on the youth in our ward and stake. With Andrew and Wyatt, they left deep valleys of sadness for many people in choosing to leave the Earth. I remember my own feelings of clinical depression well. I am grateful to be healed from the darkest times; I am grateful to have felt those deep feelings of despair, loss of control, and desperation, and to understand well some of the emotions they may have felt. I pray they are freed from those feelings and are healing through love.