be patient in thine afflictions

Some people are people of faith, and others aren't. I am a person of faith. Sometimes I need my faith more than other times, but its strength does not waver. I have seen the hand of loving Heavenly Parents, felt the redeeming love and grace of the Savior, and heard the sweet guidance of the Holy Spirit too many times to deny Their existence. This knowledge is the essence of who I am.

Last night I started bleeding, really bleeding, from you know where, with some intense pressure in my lady regions. This wouldn't be an issue except that I'm 16 weeks pregnant (or so I thought. I'll get to that). Anyone knows that bleeding during pregnancy isn't really a good thing. After bleeding nonstop for a good 30 minutes, we hopped in the car on a strangely deserted rainy Houston night to head for the ER.

I was taken back right away. My decision to see a midwife and avoid the hospital was confirmed throughout the night as I was poked, had blood drawn, was hooked up to an IV, had tape ripped off my arm, had to sit in a bed on a puppy pad, and was forced to get the worst of all pokes...a catheter. Thank heaven that was only a 30 second experience (the most miserable 30 seconds in recent memory).

We thought it was a late miscarriage, but right away the ultrasound tech gave us the good news that she found a strong fetal heartbeat, 153 bpm. Later the doctor told us some not as good news. The fetus is measuring 11-12 weeks, not 16. We may have miscalculated the date of conception, or the fetus might just be small, or there might be a problem. The main problem and source of the bleeding is a subchrionic hematoma, a big one at 5 cm. These hematomas are hemorrhages that sit between the placenta and uterus. Usually they clot and go away, if they're small. Big hematomas like mine could also clot (get to work, little blood cells!), or they could cause a placental abruption, or they could cause an all out miscarriage. It's really anyone's guess.

But there were miracles yesterday, creeping up throughout the day. If I was a missionary, I would have been tipped off to the fact that something important was right around the corner, but I just figured I was having a lucky day.

Yesterday morning, the a/c was off in my office building again, which is no big deal (despite the 100 degree heat), so I brought my work home.

Then our company controller called saying the company would possibly be willing to give me a $1,000 monthly stipend so I could get on Jeff's insurance. It would mean we could upgrade off our high deductible plans. Fingers were crossed for this stipend as I called his provider and they verified that the enrollment period was still open.

It was Jeff's first day back at school, and luckily, he decided he wanted to celebrate with a legendary Barnaby's chocolate brownie. Barnaby's is just up the street from our house. And that is when the bleeding started.

Jeff administered a blessing of healing when we got home, and he spoke those sweet words that calm the mind and heal the soul. All will be well, whatever that is, but it will work out for the best. It always does.

By 7:30 am this morning, my boss had approved giving Jeff and I the insurance stipend, thanks in large part to this scare. On our new plan, my prenatal care will be 100% covered. Now, if only I could back date the enrollment date one day... :)

I know my Parents and parents love me and watch over me. I felt my Grandma Betty, my guardian angel, with me through the night. I felt my Papa and my great-grandpas who I've never met help Jeff give me that blessing. I know what I know, and I am so grateful to know it. I feel like the worst isn't over, but if it is, that's fine with me!