Double Trouble

My parents found out about my party last night, right after I got home from Best Buy where my dad was about to drop $1800.00 on my new laptop. The day my parents left I looked my dad in the eye and told him I wasn't going to have anyone over, full well knowing that come that Tuesday night my backyard would become the stage for Hagen. My dad is really upset because he thought that out of all the kids in my fam he could trust me. ME. And then I "lied" to him (I didn't see it as lying though, I saw it as not telling him...wait that IS a lie) about having people over. But having a party when your parents are gone is a teenage rite of passage - it's something I was so compelled to do, I didn't care of the consequences. Sadly, even though my dad is completely crushed, I'm not sure if I DO care. I see myself as an adult who can make their own choices and suffer through their mistakes, an adult whose parents have taught them all they need to know. I'm trying so hard to break away and not need my parents anymore; this was an attempt at that. My dad sees it as blatant rebellion to his orders, as deliberate disobeying of his rules and wishes. I saw it as an adventure and a mission, like "I HAVE TO DO THIS!" I did it. Was it worth it? That night yeah, Hagen ROCKED! They blew the roof off the sky! They woke up the sun and almost made it daylight again!! But now? Well, I did what I set out to do, I accomplished my goal, but I hurt my dad in the process and lost his trust. He came in my room last night at like 1:00 and said, "I still love you Lisa," gave me a hug and all that. I still love you too Dad, this wasn't any indication of other feelings. It was something I HAD to do! He needs to understand that. Sure it wasn't the best thing to Have to do, but it was a great thing! Not many regrets really...except now I'm probably not getting the laptop I wanted... :( Life was already hell here anyway, Becky and I leaving for college and all...separation anxiety, you know. I got two good songs out of it though!