Not For All The Tea In China

I've realized I'm noticeably more sad in the morning than the evening. I'm not sure why. Strange, eh?

Today I'm working from home. People at my work work from home all the time. I often wonder if they're actually working or if they're doing what I'm doing, which is working while watching movies. Oh and blogging, but I already blog at work anyway.

New York in the summertime is gross. Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. I'm not going to waste time describing it. Just know it's gross and that dry heat is where it's at.

I've been thinking a lot lately about growing up, about what I should do when I finish school in December. I could stay in school another semester, I could work for a little while and go to grad school in the fall. I could go back to New York and work, or go to Europe and work, or move home to San Francisco and work. Also, I could stay in Utah and work, although I'd move to Salt Lake City. Or I could still serve a mission.

But the real dilemma is this: Do I want to be someone or do I want to be mediocre? I feel that if I move back home, I'll be taking the easy way out. I could work a cool job in San Francisco, but it probably wouldn't be with the BBC. If I moved to New York I'd be unhappy because I have to take the subway everywhere. If I moved to London or Paris, of course I'd be happy and doing something with my life--I'd be in Europe!

Do you see my predicament? I need to detach myself from that mindset, that I have to be somewhere other than a place I know to be somebody. I'll go where I should go, I guess.

Here's a personal revelation. My friends Trent and Phil and Joe have been staying with me the past few days since their sublet doesn't start til tomorrow. I've noticed though that I really like having a man around. Like REALLY. It feels natural. It feels right. It feels...scary. I'm not sure what it means, but I think it mostly just means I like having a man around. Nothing more. I think it also means I miss Dave, but my life is already less stressful not talking to him. I let myself get too stressed out with him. It wasn't good. This time not talking will be good.

Also, his myspace profile says he's from Bourgeois Bohemia. I've always wondered what this was, so I finally looked it up yesterday. The definition of the term bourgeois bohemians follows: "Often of the corporate upper-middle to upper class, they rarely oppose mainstream society, claim highly tolerant views of others, buy lots of expensive and exotic items, and believe American society to be meritocratic."

Too bad Dave's so cool.

Off to work!