Stupid Stupid-head!

Today is a good day. I feel it in my loins. Loin is a weird word. It makes me think of pork. I don't like pork.

Last night I met up with a friend and his brother, and Lani (bless her heart--she won an extra day in New York because her flight got canceled) at Pepe Rosso, my favorite Italian restaurant in all of New York City. I've mentioned it before. It's that place where all of Italy congregates, with a few French and Spanish stragglers. It's great!

Well, we had just barely sat down when my friend's brother blurts out, "Man, I couldn't believe those Cheney kids at BYU this year." Lani and I look at each other straightaway. He does not want to get into this, I think. "I couldn't believe those kids had such disrespect for that political office. If Bill Clinton came, I would respect him." Poor argument, Buddy. You and your conservative comrades proved that wouldn't be the case my freshman year at BYU, when former White House press correspondent Helen Thomas was booed during a forum in the Marriott Center. If kids can't handle a liberal journalist, they sure can't handle a full-fledged liberal politician! At any rate, he continued, saying, "I think it's okay for the women to protest. But the men who protested? What a bunch of sissies! Liberal men are so girly." I looked him straight in the eye, my jaw gaping, and clarified: "You really think liberal men are effeminate?" Yes, he confirmed. "Conversely, do you think being conservative makes a woman more manly?" Yes, he confirmed. We hashed it out over Cheney for a while. He couldn't grasp why any Mormon wouldn't like Cheney. I brought up the unethical things Cheney's done, his inappropriate behavior, his questionable company ties, and all this kid could do was roll his eyes. Apparently being Republican is more important to him than being Christ-like. He asked if I would ever vote for Mitt Romney. I said I don't want a Republican John Kerry for president. But he's Mormon! So what? I don't like him. Are you pro-life? I didn't answer. Gay marriage? You don't want to get into this, I said. I debated whether or not I should tell him I'm pro-marijuana legalization. I'll bet 95 percent of Mormons voted Republican in the last election, he said. Take Utah County, for example. At least 95 percent, and that's a pretty good judge of Mormons, he said. My jaw dropped again. 80 percent at most, I said. I think most Democrats in Utah only vote that way to be different, he continued. They just want to be independent, you know, they don't want to fit in. This kid! He drew from extreme upon extreme as his examples, and each time I countered him with truth. And to think he's in law school! I kicked his trash. By the end of our conversation he was stammering "I don't knows" and stuttering and rolling his eyes. But hey--I've spent four years debating knuckleheads like him, so I'm pretty pro.

There are some huge idiots in this world, my friends. Let's take 'em down.