The East Coast girls are hip. I really dig those styles they wear.

I am not sure how it happened, but I think I might have turned into a prep.

My suspicions started a few days ago when I got this coat from Banana Republic for my birthday. It's sassy, but it's khaki. I've often avoided khaki for its resemblance to flesh tone, as well as its immediate association with Dockers and the "business casual" aesthetic. Granted, this lady looks like a dork, and I look more like Agent 99 when I wear this coat, but khaki should be reserved for safaris and jungle expeditions only. What am I thinking?!?!

Then I went to the Gap with my mom, and I got two blouses. Blouses--fine, but the fact I have a tag touching my skin that belongs to the yuppiest brand known to mankind has caused a rash on my neck. Granted, it's completely psychosomatic, but it's the Gap, People! They made the jumper popular! They desecrated Audrey Hepburn! They mass market shoddy construction! Their store is called the Gap!

I think the deal was sealed when I left my room this morning sporting a snazzy skinny jean, red shoes (as usual), one of those Gap blouses and my trench. The outfit was blazing, I'll tell you what. I looked hot. But as soon as my mother saw me (my mother who has tirelessly berated my choices in fashion since junior high, my mother who's asked me more than once "why I can't just dress normally," my mother who said in June "Well, you certainly don't dress like the rest of the family"), she said, "You look so preppy! It's nice."

I just about puked.

Moving along, my parents' town is full of high school hipster scum. The H&M-bargain-bin-slumming, riff-raff type of hipster. There's a stank throughout downtown Walnut Creek because of these kids. As my friend John says, "We will look back ten years from now and regard the hipster movement as distastefully as we do the 'hair metal' movement of the '80s."

I sure hope he's right.