You know, life really does get hard sometimes, but it's all for the good. We may have really intense trials, but we once we've overcome them we're always better people. Always. I've learned that the hard way, but after going through what I've been through these past few months I am such a better person. I really know what I want in life. I won't let myself make silly mistakes again. I am more ambitious in obtaining the things I want most. I know more what's important and what's not. I know who my true friends are. That's a beautiful thing.
This past week has been crazy. Like no joke, crazy. I was at Eddie's last night til 2 am. Had a lot of fun at his little acoustic night; no lefty guitars though and mine was at home so I didn't play til after everyone had left and I was chilling with Jordan, singing him to sleep with my dyslexic guitar-playing (right-handed Taylor flipped). But it was fun.
Saturday night went to a hockey game with Kristy Kadish!!, lost 2-6, got pulled over by a cop for speeding (then the cop proceeded to change lanes in an intersection AND pull over the person right next to us), went to her parents' in Orem for a good yellin and watched "The New Guy"...hilarious movie btw.
Friday night--dancing in SLC with Andrea, Brittany, Whitney, and Katie. Met a very wonderful guy named Nate who's the new marketing director for the church. He's into pretty good music too. That never hurts.
And Tyler! I haven't talked about Tyler at all. Tyler and I sit next to each other in Physics everyday, with BK (Brandon King!) on my other side and Kim to the front (Kim's in a wheelchair so she sits in front of us in the front row, making her own little row [that was confusing, sorry]). Tyler and I have been great friends all year, but suddenly the relationship is taking a different spin. It's nice. He's from Portland, Business major (switched from Photography), served his mission for our church in France (he speaks in French to me when he doesn't want anyone else to understand!), loves Frank Sinatra, loves hockey, hmmmm. It's an interesting development.
And Eddie. We are so awkward around one another I can't stand it. And neither can he from what I hear. But like he said: "Lisa, sometimes I'm just like a 6th grader and I can't help it." Sorry Mr. Provo. You are nothing but a hott, sexy, 25-year-old wuss with an amazing voice, and I am soooo done with you. Sort of. Um, who am I kidding...I can't forget about Eddie.
My French grade is up to a B! Baptiste likes me more now, I think. I've been making an effort and we talk about things like music and French culture and stuff. So I'm movin on up.
Coachella! I'm going to Coachella in May with Perry. Wow, we are going to have a blast. I am excited.
Less than two months and I'm back in Cali. This semester is going way too fast, even though I like it going fast. I'm excited to go home, have a nice comfy bed, humidity, the beach, the sun, and a job. I need money. And Perry and I are planning on taking classes together at DVC this summer. That will be fun too.
Anyway, j'ai beaucoup d'etudiant pour le francais ce soir (I have a lot of studying for French tonight). I think my French might've been wrong there, but don't bother correcting me because I really don't care.
xoxo lisa.
P.S. The sun was out ALL day today and it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Looks Just Like The Sun
lisaloo92: i love you alex
spidorman44: i love you, lisa
lisaloo92: alex will you hold me sometime?
spidorman44: hmm ? yea hehe i will
lisaloo92: thanks alex.
spidorman44: and spin
lisaloo92: hahhaa and spin
lisaloo92: but not while you're holding me. i think we should probably be laying down for that or something.
lisaloo92: ...if that's not too scandalous for you...
spidorman44: haha yea sure why not lisa.. and ill cry with you
spidorman44: just for you
lisaloo92: hehehe thanks alex, but i don't think i'm going to be crying very much anymore
spidorman44: aww
spidorman44: well ill cry for all the others
lisaloo92: i'll still cry with you
lisaloo92: for the pain we've felt in the past
lisaloo92: for the way things could have been
spidorman44: yea
spidorman44: for all the others who have it worse
lisaloo92: exactly. the ones who have it worse.
lisaloo92: it can always be worse.
spidorman44: i love you, lisa
lisaloo92: alex will you hold me sometime?
spidorman44: hmm ? yea hehe i will
lisaloo92: thanks alex.
spidorman44: and spin
lisaloo92: hahhaa and spin
lisaloo92: but not while you're holding me. i think we should probably be laying down for that or something.
lisaloo92: ...if that's not too scandalous for you...
spidorman44: haha yea sure why not lisa.. and ill cry with you
spidorman44: just for you
lisaloo92: hehehe thanks alex, but i don't think i'm going to be crying very much anymore
spidorman44: aww
spidorman44: well ill cry for all the others
lisaloo92: i'll still cry with you
lisaloo92: for the pain we've felt in the past
lisaloo92: for the way things could have been
spidorman44: yea
spidorman44: for all the others who have it worse
lisaloo92: exactly. the ones who have it worse.
lisaloo92: it can always be worse.
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Exit Does Not Exist
I don't know where to start. Let's start with my day.
I got up and decided to take a bath. I turned on the water nice and hot, just the way I like it. I decided I wouldn't turn the fan on because I HATE the noise it makes; it's so disruptive to any kind of relaxation. I took my bath, which went splendidly, then let out the water like normal. I stood up. Whoa, was I dizzy. I braced myself against the cold tile for support, but things were blacking out. I couldn't see straight. My head felt like twenty bricks. My legs gave in under me and I fell. I looked up and saw the ceiling. I tried to get up again. The same thing happened. I wrestled between the shower doors and the wall, trying to keep myself from falling again. It didn't help. Kerplop! Right back into the tub. Third try. I breathed in deeply. By this time I was scared out of my mind, I couldn't breathe, I felt like vomiting, I was weak. I tried getting up again but to no avail. I blacked out. I woke up shortly after and crawled out of the tub onto the bathroom floor. "Mom," I called feebly. I hadn't the strength to speak even at a normal level. And then I remembered: I'd brought my cell phone with me into the bathroom. I called my dad. "Just elevate your feet, Lisa." After doing this for a little while I could see clearly again and felt well enough to stand up. I went into my room and just lay on the floor, freaked out of my mind, crying, not breathing, tripping. It was insane.
Anyway, Katie and I went shopping in Broadway Plaza. Kewl (I hate it when people do that, btw). Stopped by Alex's grandma's house to hug him and kiss Weebee. I love you Weebee. I love you Alex. Coco Mademoiselle and Chance. Remember those two Alex. Coco and Chance.
So tonight.
Celeste and I went up to Dinosaur Hill for a bit and chilled and chatted. Then to Rasputin's in PH where I bought Al Green's Greatest Hits (on the recommendation of many close friends) as well as Modest Mouse's "This is a Long Drive for Someone With Nothing To Think About." It's a great album. I'm listening to it right now.
Then it was off to Kevin's to pick him up. Then Q-Zar. I'd never been to Q-Zar before and it was SO much fun. I totally understand why guys go all the time. It's addicting. It's like playing a Star Wars video game but in real life. REAL LIFE. Man, that's deep.
Then to visit L Mo on the curb at her mom's. Then to Bea's where Ross was lying on the bed. He didn't recognize me at first (go figure). Finished Waiting For Guffman (sort of). I turned it off when the conversation got too good.
Now here's the thing that made the night great, okay? The conversation. The love. The feeling of belonging. The happiness. The connections. The fun. The sincerity. The intensity. Et cetera.
See there are some times in life when you just know things are going to work out because you have great friends. Sure, they may be 850 miles away most of the year, but they're still there. They're still your friends.
That's the most difficult thing about being away from home, you know? These people you love are 850 + miles away. I mean, that's a lot.
I don't know what else to say except that I love you all. Especially that one person who I toss around more than a salad. And I'm sorry for that. But I probably love you most and that's gotta count for something.
Anyway, let me be frank as long as I can still be garth. I LOVE YOU. AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT.
xoxo love lisa.
I got up and decided to take a bath. I turned on the water nice and hot, just the way I like it. I decided I wouldn't turn the fan on because I HATE the noise it makes; it's so disruptive to any kind of relaxation. I took my bath, which went splendidly, then let out the water like normal. I stood up. Whoa, was I dizzy. I braced myself against the cold tile for support, but things were blacking out. I couldn't see straight. My head felt like twenty bricks. My legs gave in under me and I fell. I looked up and saw the ceiling. I tried to get up again. The same thing happened. I wrestled between the shower doors and the wall, trying to keep myself from falling again. It didn't help. Kerplop! Right back into the tub. Third try. I breathed in deeply. By this time I was scared out of my mind, I couldn't breathe, I felt like vomiting, I was weak. I tried getting up again but to no avail. I blacked out. I woke up shortly after and crawled out of the tub onto the bathroom floor. "Mom," I called feebly. I hadn't the strength to speak even at a normal level. And then I remembered: I'd brought my cell phone with me into the bathroom. I called my dad. "Just elevate your feet, Lisa." After doing this for a little while I could see clearly again and felt well enough to stand up. I went into my room and just lay on the floor, freaked out of my mind, crying, not breathing, tripping. It was insane.
Anyway, Katie and I went shopping in Broadway Plaza. Kewl (I hate it when people do that, btw). Stopped by Alex's grandma's house to hug him and kiss Weebee. I love you Weebee. I love you Alex. Coco Mademoiselle and Chance. Remember those two Alex. Coco and Chance.
So tonight.
Celeste and I went up to Dinosaur Hill for a bit and chilled and chatted. Then to Rasputin's in PH where I bought Al Green's Greatest Hits (on the recommendation of many close friends) as well as Modest Mouse's "This is a Long Drive for Someone With Nothing To Think About." It's a great album. I'm listening to it right now.
Then it was off to Kevin's to pick him up. Then Q-Zar. I'd never been to Q-Zar before and it was SO much fun. I totally understand why guys go all the time. It's addicting. It's like playing a Star Wars video game but in real life. REAL LIFE. Man, that's deep.
Then to visit L Mo on the curb at her mom's. Then to Bea's where Ross was lying on the bed. He didn't recognize me at first (go figure). Finished Waiting For Guffman (sort of). I turned it off when the conversation got too good.
Now here's the thing that made the night great, okay? The conversation. The love. The feeling of belonging. The happiness. The connections. The fun. The sincerity. The intensity. Et cetera.
See there are some times in life when you just know things are going to work out because you have great friends. Sure, they may be 850 miles away most of the year, but they're still there. They're still your friends.
That's the most difficult thing about being away from home, you know? These people you love are 850 + miles away. I mean, that's a lot.
I don't know what else to say except that I love you all. Especially that one person who I toss around more than a salad. And I'm sorry for that. But I probably love you most and that's gotta count for something.
Anyway, let me be frank as long as I can still be garth. I LOVE YOU. AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT.
xoxo love lisa.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Is This It
The Strokes nonstop all morning, after "Just Like Honey" and Phantom Planet.
Coachella tix go on sale today? Can I afford it? Will Washington Mutual stop charging me for nothing?
Took a bath this morning. Didn't turn on the fan so it would get nice and steamy. Lemme tell ya: don't ever do that. I ended up fainting 3 (THREE!!!) times. By the third time I was so weak I couldn't even yell for help. Luckily I had my cell phone in the bathroom with me (don't ask why, I don't even know why), so I called my dad and asked him what I should do. By far the scariest experience in my life. I'm still reeling from it. Whoa. It was way intense.
The sun is out and bright. The sky is blue and the clouds are white. And I'm listening to The Strokes.
Perry Devenport you're my hero. Thanks for the great times, great memories, great laughs, great fun.
Alex, thanks for surprising me at Amoeba yesterday. That was just, wow. Indescribable. So amazing.
Enuff with the sap...I'm out.
xoxo Lisa
Coachella tix go on sale today? Can I afford it? Will Washington Mutual stop charging me for nothing?
Took a bath this morning. Didn't turn on the fan so it would get nice and steamy. Lemme tell ya: don't ever do that. I ended up fainting 3 (THREE!!!) times. By the third time I was so weak I couldn't even yell for help. Luckily I had my cell phone in the bathroom with me (don't ask why, I don't even know why), so I called my dad and asked him what I should do. By far the scariest experience in my life. I'm still reeling from it. Whoa. It was way intense.
The sun is out and bright. The sky is blue and the clouds are white. And I'm listening to The Strokes.
Perry Devenport you're my hero. Thanks for the great times, great memories, great laughs, great fun.
Alex, thanks for surprising me at Amoeba yesterday. That was just, wow. Indescribable. So amazing.
Enuff with the sap...I'm out.
xoxo Lisa
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
I'm Caught Between Goodbye and I Love You
Wow. What a weekend. It was a good one, i guess. yeah. made some new friends, rekindled friendships with old ones, so yeah. it's been good.
today was the best day i've had in a long time. it still wasn't great, but it was good. charlene and i got yelled at in french for talking, even though we were speaking in french AND speaking about the material being discussed in class. baptiste is SO anal!! anyway......
i'm coming home this weekend. baybay am i excited or what. i need to get out of this freezing utah weather! see some sun!! SAD! i HAVE SAD! aka seasonal affective disorder. so hilarious.
lisa- we love you sew very much! love katie and andrea. thanks gals ;) :)
i'm off to do more hw and study pour mon examen de francais demain! bonne nuit!
xoxo lisa.
today was the best day i've had in a long time. it still wasn't great, but it was good. charlene and i got yelled at in french for talking, even though we were speaking in french AND speaking about the material being discussed in class. baptiste is SO anal!! anyway......
i'm coming home this weekend. baybay am i excited or what. i need to get out of this freezing utah weather! see some sun!! SAD! i HAVE SAD! aka seasonal affective disorder. so hilarious.
lisa- we love you sew very much! love katie and andrea. thanks gals ;) :)
i'm off to do more hw and study pour mon examen de francais demain! bonne nuit!
xoxo lisa.
Friday, February 06, 2004
I'll Grow Old With You
...at least I'd really like to. But I don't think that can happen given the current circumstances. I really should just tell you to your face, or to your voice since I'm so far away, but talking to you hurts. That's why I didn't talk to you online tonight. And I needed to show myself that I didn't need to talk to you, that I could go more than 24 hours without satisfying my "fix." I'm sorry I'm writing all of this here. I'm really sorry.
And for the rest of you--can I tell you how sad I feel all the time? One minute I think that things will be okay, but the next I feel just as down and hopeless again. I just can't stand it anymore. I really can't. I lack purpose, direction, motivation, happiness, love, feeling. I do things to make myself happy but it's all temporary. Walks with Forest are great for my mood, but I turn around and depression hits me in the face again. Watching movies is nice because I can pretend to be someone else for awhile, but the whole time my thoughts wander on how things are, how they will be, etc. etc. I need to think about other people now. I need an adopted grandparent, or a friend to love. I'm not sure what I need. I need relief.
And for the rest of you--can I tell you how sad I feel all the time? One minute I think that things will be okay, but the next I feel just as down and hopeless again. I just can't stand it anymore. I really can't. I lack purpose, direction, motivation, happiness, love, feeling. I do things to make myself happy but it's all temporary. Walks with Forest are great for my mood, but I turn around and depression hits me in the face again. Watching movies is nice because I can pretend to be someone else for awhile, but the whole time my thoughts wander on how things are, how they will be, etc. etc. I need to think about other people now. I need an adopted grandparent, or a friend to love. I'm not sure what I need. I need relief.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Biological
I have been listening to Air's new album all day. "Talkie Walkie." I think that's cute.
Sloan and I broke up for good. Like no talking for awhile, not until I'm over him. It's for the best. It was a wonderful relationship for awhile, the best either of us had ever been in, but things turned so sour so fast. Too much to deal with. So it's over. Just like that. Yeah it hurts, it hurts a lot, but I know it was the right thing to do...My heart still hurts but in a different way. I keep thinking about him though. I took down all the pics of us, of him, his drawings to me. That was hard. I put his emails in a special folder. This really is it. Man, it sucks. It is really hard. But it is for the best. Maybe if I keep telling myself that it will help me. Okay, I doubt it. I think we're back to Time the Avenger.
It snowed today. And last night/this morning while I was on the phone with Alex. 2-3 am P to the rovo time. I didn't get to sleep til 3:30. That's late even for me. Normally I'm like 3 am. Whatev. It was def worth it. Alex and I always have great talks.
I'm coming home for President's Day weekend. I'm fairly excited. I haven't seen Perry since September and it will be really nice to see him. Plus my family, plus Alex, plus Helen, Celeste, Bianca, Hannah, Kevin, etc. If I'm allowed to. Sometimes my parents say they are bringing me home to see the fam, but I honestly can't just hang out with family all weekend ;) I really want to see my grandma. I miss her a lot. And I need to see Perry and Alex. Need to go to Berkeley and SF. Buy some vinyl. Yeeeeah.
It snowed today. I already said that. It's snowing right now.
Anyway, I'm in the library and I need to go take a test, and I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be somewhere right now but I have no idea where or why, so I'm OVER it baby. So over it.
I'm sick of this. Listen to Air and Heart and David Bowie's "Changes."
xoxo lisa.
Sloan and I broke up for good. Like no talking for awhile, not until I'm over him. It's for the best. It was a wonderful relationship for awhile, the best either of us had ever been in, but things turned so sour so fast. Too much to deal with. So it's over. Just like that. Yeah it hurts, it hurts a lot, but I know it was the right thing to do...My heart still hurts but in a different way. I keep thinking about him though. I took down all the pics of us, of him, his drawings to me. That was hard. I put his emails in a special folder. This really is it. Man, it sucks. It is really hard. But it is for the best. Maybe if I keep telling myself that it will help me. Okay, I doubt it. I think we're back to Time the Avenger.
It snowed today. And last night/this morning while I was on the phone with Alex. 2-3 am P to the rovo time. I didn't get to sleep til 3:30. That's late even for me. Normally I'm like 3 am. Whatev. It was def worth it. Alex and I always have great talks.
I'm coming home for President's Day weekend. I'm fairly excited. I haven't seen Perry since September and it will be really nice to see him. Plus my family, plus Alex, plus Helen, Celeste, Bianca, Hannah, Kevin, etc. If I'm allowed to. Sometimes my parents say they are bringing me home to see the fam, but I honestly can't just hang out with family all weekend ;) I really want to see my grandma. I miss her a lot. And I need to see Perry and Alex. Need to go to Berkeley and SF. Buy some vinyl. Yeeeeah.
It snowed today. I already said that. It's snowing right now.
Anyway, I'm in the library and I need to go take a test, and I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be somewhere right now but I have no idea where or why, so I'm OVER it baby. So over it.
I'm sick of this. Listen to Air and Heart and David Bowie's "Changes."
xoxo lisa.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
