...at least I'd really like to. But I don't think that can happen given the current circumstances. I really should just tell you to your face, or to your voice since I'm so far away, but talking to you hurts. That's why I didn't talk to you online tonight. And I needed to show myself that I didn't need to talk to you, that I could go more than 24 hours without satisfying my "fix." I'm sorry I'm writing all of this here. I'm really sorry.
And for the rest of you--can I tell you how sad I feel all the time? One minute I think that things will be okay, but the next I feel just as down and hopeless again. I just can't stand it anymore. I really can't. I lack purpose, direction, motivation, happiness, love, feeling. I do things to make myself happy but it's all temporary. Walks with Forest are great for my mood, but I turn around and depression hits me in the face again. Watching movies is nice because I can pretend to be someone else for awhile, but the whole time my thoughts wander on how things are, how they will be, etc. etc. I need to think about other people now. I need an adopted grandparent, or a friend to love. I'm not sure what I need. I need relief.
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