Christmas time is here (no longer)

I used to be so sad as a kid when Christmas left. Melancholy hit hard and an ominous feeling remained. I knew that no day of the year would be as good as that one, blessed day.

I don't feel that way about Christmas anymore.

This has been an interesting twelve days. We haven't been home to my parents' house since November 2010, and then we were only here for about three days (It was a waste. We will not travel for Thanksgiving ever again). I hadn't seen one of my siblings since then, and I don't really keep in close contact with any of them (not for lack of trying). I tried conversing with them, but it often felt labored and unreciprocated. Their inside jokes were no longer ours; our collective unconscious don't relate like they used to. Mom still thinks I can't cook, or maybe that I make gross food. Things improved through our time together, a little. But Jeff and I are used to our family of two, and I am happy with that.

I am so happy married to Jeff, and sometimes I don't realize how happy I am with our simple life until I come to Walnut Creek and do things the way I grew up doing them, not the way we do them now, together. We were at dinner with friends a few nights ago, and we all commented and agreed upon marriage as the ultimate way to live life. It is so fulfilling and rewarding, limitlessly. Jeff is so accepting of all my crazy ideas, and I his. We live and think and do the way we want to, not the way our parents taught us. Some nurture remains, of course. Our spiritual habits were taught to us by our parents and we carry them on because we love and cherish and need them, but it is our choice to continue those. Our life is very much ours now, and we have learned to live differently--perhaps better (we think), perhaps worse--from how we lived as children. We are just happy.

I visited a good friend yesterday. I tended her two oldest boys one glorious Berkeley summer. She is a sociologist at UC Berkeley. I think awfully highly of her, her husband, their family and their little slice of Berkeley heaven (which happens to be a few blocks from Cheeseboard Pizza Collective--my favorite). We chatted over many things, but one I liked most was a chat about people with reportedly happy marriages. One common characteristic of "happy marriages" is the forging of a new family, i.e. both husband and wife invest in each other as #1 friend, confidant, and support. Ties with mothers and fathers and siblings are not lost, but they change. I recall before I married Jeff, my mom told me frankly, "I don't want to know anything that happens between you and Jeff. I won't be here to give advice like I did during your dating years. Anything that comes up, you two need to work it out together." Mom's are always right, at least mine is. I am grateful for a wise mother.

Jeff and I had some pictures taken the other day by two masterful photographers. You can see some here.

We got to go hiking up near Tahoe last Friday. It was so gorgeous. Kimba is a good hiker. I love that dog with all my heart. I hope she never dies; she will never die in my heart. No dog will ever be as great to me as Kimba is. She is so sweet and loving, to me at least. We played hide and go seek a few nights ago, and she cheated. What a great dog. Cheating dog = great dog.

Houston, see you tomorrow.

I just can't get enough

of this song.

Youth Lagoon : Daydream from Behind the Walk-in on Vimeo.

Three cheers for Youth Lagoon!

No joke

Best tumblr ever.

I've got issues

Not really. My only issue is that I really want this bracelet my friend Aarean is giving away on her blog Color Issue!

GIVING AWAY!!! And it's Kate Spade! I love Kate Spade. I would like to own everything that woman has ever made.

Thanks, Aarean!

What is youth?

If you have ever been to a show in Salt Lake City, you may identify with some of the following feelings, feelings that surfaced at pretty much every show I ever went to at Kilby Court or Bricks or The Depot, etc.

- Wow, these kids are really dressed nicely.
- Wow, these kids are really hip.
- Wow, these kids are really trying hard.
- Wow, these kids all look the same.
Etc.

I am sure those same kids felt that way about me too, so let's get over that assumed hypocrisy right now.

These days, I do not dress very hip. Not like I used to anyway. Did I ever dress hip? I wear red flats, my high-waisted skinny jeans, and I wear lots of v-neck t-shirts and stuff I got at the J.Crew factory store. My mom shops at J. Crew too, so I'm not really a trendsetter or anything.

Friday night, Jeff and I went to see M83. I was really excited. I also felt under-dressed. I was wearing my high-waisted skinny jeans (only pair that fits well), a navy gingham button-down, Sperrys and a grey zippered hoodie. Not exactly runway ready. I'm thinking, I never would have worn something like this to a show in Utah. I am going to look so dumb.

We walked into the venue and everyone there was preppy. Legit preppy. There were some people dressed more like I expected, but all I could see was lots of college dudes/guys who dress like they are still in college, and their blond girlfriends whose Juicy accessories didn't quite fit in.

I have reached a few conclusions on the matter.

One, hip is dead.
Two, M83 is no longer hip.
Three, I am really out of it and have no idea what 'cool' is.

The times they are a changin'

It's a nice morning. Woke up to a 5 am, 40 degree WOD. So fun! I'm serious.

I just finished reading this article about modern-day prejudice and the form it takes. It's a great read. Objective, thought-provoking, and subtly serves its readers humble pie.

Read it and let me know what you think!

In other news, Jeff and I are going to see M83 after all! The venue opened up more tickets, so I snagged some. I can't wait! Please pray for me that I won't be crabby.

My favorite words

I will never grow tired of hearing my dad say to me, "I'm proud of you, Lisa."

I sure love my dad.

Second breakfast?

I eat breakfast around 6:30 am, post WOD, pre blow dry. Always eggs. A few whole, a few whites, a little salsa, plus two fish oil pills.

Is it odd that it's 9:50 am and I'm hungry? Like really hungry?

Of course, I got busy and now it is 10:43 and I am even hungrier! When will the madness end?!

Does it weird anyone else out that so many guys are on Pinterest these days? I think Pinterest is pretty girly, at least it was when I got on it months ago.

Scariest: Two of my journalism professors started following all my boards. See, that's just weird. What do they care about the things I pin? Anybody out there have weird people following them?

ignorance is only good when:

My life would have been better not knowing M83 was playing in Houston next Friday.

I just found out last night. It is sold out. Now I either have to not go or pay at least double. What would you do?

Vive La France!

I can't get enough of M83's new album.



It is sosososososososososososo good.

Wednesday's always drag

My job is like working for twelve dads and one naggy mom, and two aunts and two uncles who don't care for me much.

My twelve work dads can't do much for themselves, except for two or three. Four of them are useless. Absolutely useless. I do everything for them that's not related to their field of expertise.

My naggy mom is manipulative and gossips more than anyone should. Some days are okay. Others I am a worse person for knowing her.

Harsh words, I know. I see the good in all these people. It is there. But some days I just really want to stop working here. Today it's for no particular reason except that I'm not doing what I love. Which means I'm not being true to myself.

I rationalize keeping this job because I don't want to go full time teaching music (I say I don't). I want the security and benefits. I want the bonuses and eating at nice restaurants. I don't want any other part of it.

I always had high hopes for myself as a writer, but I put those to bed long ago. I don't feel like a very good writer anymore, because I never write. I don't have anything to write about.

I want to make pretty things people can appreciate. I don't write songs anymore. I'm not sure I ever will again.

Changing all these things is as easy as I want it to be. I suppose I don't want to change it badly enough, or I am more content than I thought.

Do you ever think that you would be perfectly content without the Internet? I would be.

Little things/big things

Sophomore (I think) year of high school, I bought a shirt at Urban Outfitters, which wasn't cool back then by the way. It was this random store in Berkeley that sold hippie skirts and weird clothes only Berkeley people wore. It was a cool store. I liked the one in SF too. That's where I found this shirt.

It was part of the Urban Renewal line, meaning they find old clothes and make them cool.

Perhaps it was a men's shirt. It's a nice plaid. A small scale print of black with red, green and yellow. Nice length.

When I bought it, I could barely fit my arms into the sleeves. I was about three inches away from being able to button it. But the shirt was $9.95, and I told myself that someday I would fit in that shirt.

Today is that day.

Useless

Did you know I am pretty much useless unless some form of music is playing? This could mean I am listening to music or singing. Singing out loud means I can still be productive; singing in my head means I am probably not productive because my thoughts are consumed by song.

In the 1+ year I have worked for this oil and gas firm, I have noticed that I am VERY unproductive at office work if no music is playing. Most days I remember to turn some on. Other days, like today, I forget. Except that I did just listen to almost all of Sheryl Crow's greatest hits album. I am a little embarrassed to say this because I don't really like Sheryl Crow, but she has the same song style as Lucinda Williams who I love, but I can't listen to Lucinda Williams or I'll get her songs stuck in my head and then sing them around Jeff who hates Lucinda Williams.

I am most productive when I listen to Radiohead, specifically any albums after (and including) "Kid A." I noticed this was the case as well during school when I had to write a bunch of articles or design a bunch of magazines. If I listen to something like Petula Clark's smash hit "Downtown" I become an interpretive dancer. See, I have to be careful.

I will say one more funny thing or maybe two. On Sunday the Primary presidency announced the ice cream party after the program practice tomorrow. My class favorite, Andrew, who is basically an old man in a nine-year-old's body, suddenly looked like he was going to cry. Turns out he has missed the ice cream party for the past FIVE years because of tennis practice, and he was so sad about it. I am not sure he was telling the truth because he was four-years-old five years ago, and a Sunbeam who had little to no long-term memory. Regardless, he was very sad to miss the mediocre ice cream at the ice cream party.

Next is another of our little class members, who is getting baptized along with his sister tomorrow. I was at their house a few weeks ago with the missionaries to teach a lesson. They brought out their guinea pig Johnny, who is really cute. Then the sister ran in her room and came running back out moments later with something made of red satin in her hands. I thought it was a cape to make Johnny a super hero. Actually it was a pair of underpants from her Build-A-Bear. So we had a great laugh while the kids put the panties on Johnny. He looked hot. I would post some of the pictures I took, but it's probably not right to post pictures of someone else's child on the Interweb.

Plan for happiness

I feel overcome this morning. First, it is Monday. I never like Mondays. Mondays are always long days catching up on weekend e-mails. Long because I've deviated from my 9 to 4:30 sleep schedule all weekend and trying to shove myself back on it is usually disastrous (like last night...didn't sleep very well). Second, Primary Program practice was SO LONG yesterday. We went straight through TWICE with NO BREAKS. I thought I was going to die, worse than the kids. But BouBou had it worse, because he sat next to a nice boy, but a boy who has bad behavioral issues, so the kid was stroking Jeff's face half the time and telling him about all the video games he plays. I dismissed Jeff to Priesthood meeting after the first run-through. Not much of a treat, but at least he got away from the deja vu!

Third, and the main source of my feeling overcome, is this weather here in Houston. I have complained before, I know. But I have every right to, and until you come down here and see what I mean, well, you'd better not tell me to stop.

Up until yesterday, it was still 90 degrees here. We have had a few nice days, lower in the 80s, but mostly it is hot.

But yesterday, oh yesterday, it was the most blessed rainy day. We need the rain so badly. I need the rain. Watching the strings and strings of water pelt the dirty ground was so soothing. We went for an afternoon drive and I loved hearing the wipers swish and feeling the small vibrations of the rain rocks on the car.

And the temperature. Oh, the temperature. It was so nice out. High 60s. I deservedly wore a jacket. It was humid but the raindrops were cold.

It was so cold in our apartment this morning. I thought it was cold outside because we left the patio door open to let in the outside air. But I didn't know a little night elf had woken up hot and saw that I was hot (out of the covers, allegedly) so he closed the door and turned on the ever-roaring a/c. And I woke up and it was cold but cold because of the a/c not the outside.

There have been a few other times while I'm sitting at work. I look out my window and I think, It looks so cold outside. I hope it is cold outside. And then 3:30 rolls around and I walk outside only to be disappointed with the hot sun, hot air, hot car, hot world.

Meanwhile in EVERY OTHER PART OF THE NATION people are wearing scarves and boots and blazers and cardigans and opening windows to smell crisp cool air and I look at the design blogs and style blogs talking about fall and what to wear in fall and how to decorate for fall and I lament my existence in this hot, hellish Houston because those things won't start defining Houston until January, MAYBE. Oh Houston. You don't even cool off at night. Our a/c hasn't been off since March. You offer no reprieve.

I am making great efforts these days to focus less on certain obsessions of late. Crossfit, paleo, Whole30s (finished one last week, starting a new one this week to really heal my acne and persistent acid reflux) namely. Jeff and I are committed to not eating out for the next 30 days (he is doing this Whole30 as well). We are trying to de-materialize our lives in a number of ways. Control spending. We save a good portion of our income. Sometimes I look at people's blogs and all the cute stuff they have and I think, "But how do they afford it?" Numerous weekend trips, new clothes all the time, eating out, buying cutesy decor for their homes, and how? And why? I am so happy Jeff and I save and save and save and even though it would be nice to have everything I've ever wanted from Anthro and J.Crew, it's just not worth it to me. Someday I will be happy on our little farm, doing WODs in our home gym and eating pastured eggs from our pastured chickens and growing tons and tons of heirloom vegetables that we will eat and can and sell at the farmer's market. Okay, maybe not all that, but we will live off the land as much as we can and prepare and save and plan for happiness.

I like that. Plan for happiness.

Despite Houston, despite the fact I still want to throw up from the cold, delicious glass of chocolate milk I shouldn't have drunk last night, I am so, so happy.

Manifesto

I have oftentimes thought a lot of myself.

I have oftentimes not thought much of myself.

Sad to say that this is how most of us live our lives. Depending on the day, or the time of day for some of us women, we might absolutely loathe ourselves. It's in these times of the day that I'm grateful for my supportive and loving husband, but mostly grateful for my knowledge that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. This truth keeps me grounded in reality, in eternity. It gives me the self-worth I deserve.

I remember when I was about four years old, a close extended family member commented to my mom, "Well, at least you'll have one skinny daughter." At that young age, I knew who the thin one was, and it wasn't me. (My little sister was just a baby at the time). One may think I was too young to comprehend the meaning of the comment, or lacking mental maturity to feel hurt by it, but I was. The sting of that comment has faded in more recent years, but that comment set a pattern of off-and-on, secret self-loathing in my life.

My parents always tried to get me to lose weight. From elementary school, to junior high, through high school and college. They really tried everything. Bought me gym memberships, recommended crazy crash diets, told me they'd each pay me $5 per pound I lost, anything to get me to lose weight. I would try stupid diets like the "Lose 6 LBS in 3 Days," and I'd lose six pounds of water weight, and gain it all back since no one wants to eat canned beets and one piece of toast for breakfast. Gag me.

I hit puberty and was an automatic size ten. By high school I was a 12-14, and I stayed there for a long time. I remember one time, all my pants were too tight. Again. My mom bought me a new pair of cargo flared khakis from the Gap. They were cute. But she was so mad at me because I had to get a 14. I cried and cried about that. She was hemming the pants for me, they had been too long, so she tried them on to get a feel. They fell right off of her. She showed me how they fell right off. My dad was there. They both looked so disappointed in this fat, ugly daughter they had. At least that's how the whole ordeal, and many others like this, made me feel. I was raised in a loving home, don't get me wrong. I love my parents so much. They didn't know how to help me any more than I knew how to help myself, and I think their frustration with not knowing what to do came across as hatred to me. But it wasn't. They loved me and wanted me to feel good about myself physically. And no, I was never technically obese, and I've never been in the obese BMI range, but I've been close.

For 25 years I ate and lived self-destructively. I was raised with horrible eating patterns, like lots of Americans were. Even when I thought I was eating healthy, I wasn't really. Even when I picked up my level of exercise, it was nowhere near what it needed to be. I hated myself for a long time. I hated my body. Other times I loved my body, but for the most part, I saw myself as a fat pig. It is really sad for me to look back on certain journal entries, or even think about them, and recall the hatred I felt for myself. I loved myself, but I hated myself. I never let anyone know it. In fact, just the opposite, many people have told me how self-confident I come across, that they're envious of that. I don't think I knew any better back then. I didn't know how to fix myself.

The most I've ever weighed was pretty gross, in my mind. Not over 200, but I got close. That was a wake up call, getting home from my mission and seeing that number on the scale. I expected it though. I knew I'd gained, and I knew I had to lose it.

I started by doing "The Dr. Lewis Diet," a diet my dad's nutritionist "invented," and it's circulated through my family for the past few years. It consists of eight egg whites per day, three whey protein shakes, about 10 servings of vegetables and 5 of fruit, plus fish oil supplements. Doesn't sound too bad, right? It's not. But it's not the best for you, and it's definitely NOT sustainable as a way of life. Dr. Lewis himself doesn't recommend one eat like that for prolonged periods of time. It is only for weight loss. (Now I see the ludicrousness of diets geared only toward weight loss. Follow this diet for a few months, then give it up, only to return to your old habits and gain back the fat. This method can work, but it's not reliable long-term).

A little over a year ago, Jeff started Crossfit. He would go to the 5 am class, even right when we got married. I thought he was crazy. 5 am to workout?! He was sore ALL the time. He'd tell me what the workout was and I'd think, "Wow, that's impossible. My body is not capable of doing that." We ate fairly well, but we put on a little bit of weight after getting married. We put on even more over Christmas break. Jeff had mentioned doing a Whole30 (yeah right! I said. There was no way I'd give up grains and Diet Coke), so we settled on starting the Zone.

I started The Zone in January and did that pretty consistently until halfway through February. In those weeks I dropped 15 pounds. It was great! I kept going and lost a few more. Then we went to Costa Rica and ate too many cookies and too much comida typica (typical food in Costa Rica is black beans, white rice, plantain, veggies and meat. Carb overload. And the galletas didn't help either, but MAN were they good). We ate what we wanted the next month. Mostly paleo, sort of Zone, but not strict. Then we did our first Whole30 in May. It went great too! I loved it and really had never felt better. I also hit a weight I had not weighed since 8th grade. But Jeff and I crashed after that diet. We ate probably 80% paleo, but ate WAY too many treats. I made whole wheat bread a few too many times, we ate Tex Mex at least once a week, and I put on a few more pounds.

Now I'm three weeks in to Whole30 #2, and I weigh less than I did at the end of my last Whole30 (you're not supposed to weight or measure yourself during a Whole30, so call me a rebel). As I've mentioned before, my plan is to go Whole60, or all the way to Thanksgiving, which would be Whole78! Heck, who needs mashed potatoes and rolls on Thanksgiving?!

Over the past nine months, my body composition has changed considerably, but only while I ate clean. My muscle mass has increased exponentially. Who knew I could have a tight stomach? I sure didn't!

I know I talk about Crossfit and Paleo all the time lately, but I'm not sorry. I want you to understand what implementing these life style changes has meant for me. I don't see myself as quite the fatso I once was. My body isn't as useless as I thought it was when it comes to athletics. No, I'm not the fastest, or strongest, or leanest, but I'm much more of those things than I was. I still have more fat on my body than I want, and I'm still a size or two away from my ideal pant size, but I'm much closer than I ever have been in my life. I literally feel like a new woman. I have conquered physical fears and overcome those overwhelming demons of self-loathing. So much so that I'm writing about these dark experiences from my life, because they don't matter anymore. And this, to me, is absolutely priceless. Yeah, Crossfit is expensive. Eating paleo means nothing we buy is "cheap," but there is no price I could put on this knowledge and how it has empowered me by DOING something about it.

If anyone who's reading this has more questions about Crossfit, Paleo, the Whole30 or The Zone, e-mail me or leave me a comment with your e-mail. If you're doing the Whole30 soon (ahem, Laurie), I salute you! You will not regret it.

We are capable of anything! We are gifted with divine potential. Now GO live that up!

Rock it

I have so many things I SHOULD say, but what I will say is this:

I LOVE ROASTED BROCCOLI!!!

I had only eaten steamed and raw broccoli for my entire life until tonight. I had five (yes, five) heads of broccoli in the fridge and we needed a veggie to go with our meatloaf. Jeff GROANNNNNED when I told him I would probably make the green beans I literally always make, so I decided to spice things up and try a new broccoli recipe.

Thank you, Rachael Ray. I don't care for you, but you did good on this one.

I did my usual thing and didn't measure anything. Turned out great. That Montreal Steak seasoning should be a staple in your spice cupboard if it's not already.

We loved the broccoli so much that I made more! Three more heads in the oven as I write this. It smells DIVINE and I can't wait to eat it.

I also made this ice cream, which I frankly think is divine, but Jeff and our friend Sarah who came for dinner didn't care for it much. Then again, I haven't eaten sugar, or even honey, for a month, so anything reminiscent of sweets tastes like candy to me.

I am nearly three weeks in to Whole30 #2. All my new pants are loose and I'm feeling great. Our CF box is starting a box-wide Whole30 October 10, just three days after I finish mine. I think I might just Whole30 myself all the way until Thanksgiving! May as well.

Life is great! Oh yeah, I love my hubby so much! He always says the nicest things to me. I hope your hubbies are too, if you have one. And if not, find one who will shower you with due compliments. Better yet, be the kind of wife that deserves a compliment. I think that's the greatest aim.

Utah and stuff

I've been back from Utah for almost a full week, long enough to feel like I never went!

I had an absolutely fantastic time. Look at the pics and see for yourself.

JCW: Super yum fry sauce! The burger itself was such a let down. Crazy to think I used to love this burger. The patty was thin. The bun was dry. The guac was nonexistent. Even the burger I've liked least here in Houston was better than this one. At least the fry sauce was a winner!



Here's Mo, talking to some lady on the phone. Mo and her man were trying to leave for the temple at this point, but that lady would not stop talking! Doesn't she look beautiful? I did her makeup! Can't take credit for the hair though. She looks so great. I may have mentioned before that Mo is the LEAST girly person I have ever met in my life. Seeing her like this was a real treat. She took my breath away all day! Can't imagine what her hubs Riley was feeling all day!



The Vernal temple is truly exquisite, if you're into old buildings like I am. It is unique in that it's one of three temples to have been built from existing structures. In this case, the building was a tabernacle before being dedicated as a temple in 1997. It's tastefully decorated inside with numerous antiques. All the fabrics hearken back to pioneer patterns. There was beautiful stenciling on all the walls. Any new furniture looked handmade; the love and care is visible in each piece. I loved it! (Should have taken this picture on the Moroni side, though).



Here are the two lovebirds taking a break from pictures after the sealing. They were in their own little world, as it should be! I felt incredibly honored that Mo had me stand in all her family pictures. Just her and Riley, her parents, and me! She is my best friend in the whole world other than that man o' mine. Spiritual bosom buddies for life! I am continually blessed by her example to me those six months as mission comps.



As is usually the case when kids are around, I took it upon myself to be the kids' entertainment for awhile. We tried playing Mother, May I, but the little ones couldn't grasp it. We switched to Simon Says and it took off! On the left you can see Brett in the process of pushing over Tyson. So funny. My favorite is little Wyatt up front. When I went to Whiterocks for Mo's homecoming talk last May (2010), Mr. Wyatt was maybe 18 months and so sweet. Turns out he was getting really sick that day, so he let me carry him all day. I was pretty much in heaven! I have always loved kids. They are so special. Sorry if I ever try to steal yours.



I ate and ate to my heart's content while I was there, knowing I was coming back to start a Whole30. I am on Day 6 and I'm feeling great! Almost through the tired, super hungry phase. I should be on top of my game by Saturday for Fight Gone Bad!

Please consider donating! Even just $10 helps! All proceeds go to benefit the children of our nation's fallen soldiers as they seek college education.

Old age

Is it sad that one thing I'm looking forward to (not most, but it's definitely second to seeing friends) about being in Utah, is the food there. Yeah, really. Fry sauce from JCW. Cafe Rio pork salad. Hires Big H. Kneaders french toast. Chocolate-covered cinnamon bears from the BYU Bookstore. Burger Supreme. Granny B's cookies. BYU chocolate milk and creamery ice cream. Fresh bread and honey butter from Sugar 'N' Spice. Cookies from that place close to my sister's house. Oh man. Sadly the list goes on and on. I am eating really strict Paleo this week so I can eat junk this weekend. Not like eating clean this week will make a difference, but it makes me feel a little better, literally. Junk doesn't take the usual toll if I've been eating clean. I will only be there two days, so I can't fit in all this food. That would be disgusting. Plus I would feel really ill. So I'm actually planning out meals and where I want to eat on a given day. As I'm typing this I realize this is probably something I shouldn't publicize. If anyone wants me to bring them back a Granny B's or some cinnamon bears, you just holler! It would be my pleasure to. Everyone needs a little chocolate-covered cinnamon bear lovin'. I am so glad I didn't know about those little bears while I was at BYU.

There are a few things I've learned in my old age. You know, now that I'm 26.

1. Early to bed, early to rise really is true. The earliest I ever woke up until now was 5:30/5:45 am, for seminary in high school. It felt pretty early. I fell asleep in school a lot (and in seminary--sorry Brother Richins). Our 4:30 am rise time now really gets me charged up for the day, instead of sleeping 'til 9 and feeling like I'm consciously napping all day.
2. Marriage/love are nothing like the movies. Even that idea of "you'll just know" is foreign to me. I "just know" a lot of things. Knowing Jeff for seven years before we ever got romantically involved probably ruined any head over heels feelings for us, but I'm glad. I love him so much. I'll miss you this weekend, BB.
3. Masterpiece Classic has THE BEST programming. Ever. My obsession started much more recently, when I stumbled upon "My Boy Jack." It follows Jack Kipling, son of writer Rudyard Kipling, as he overcomes physical shortcomings to serve, and later be killed, in WW1. Brilliant show. Horrible war. Heroic ending. And it stars Harry Potter. Everyone wins! The one good thing that came from this free trial of Netflix Jeff and I currently have is "Downton Abbey," which I missed when it aired early 2011. Can't pass up a good Victorian-era drama full of backstabbing sisters and the downfall of the British aristocracy. Oh yeah, Dame Maggie Smith is in it too! Doesn't get any better than her. Not even Judi Dench.
4. I really can do anything I want to, or put my mind to, within reason.
5. Family is the most important thing. This has been a source of trouble for me lately. Two of my siblings ignore my existence. I am not sure why. It is breaking my heart, though likely they don't care.

That's all for now, except that I must say I am so blessed to be friends with this girl because she does stuff like this and I can only hope to contribute to beauty as much as she and her dear sweet Carl who I have known since before I even knew Jeff! By probably two days. I can't wait to see them and their sweet baby tomorrow!

Goodbye 25

I turned 26 Thursday. Some people lament growing older, but I was pretty happy to get away from 25. Don't get me wrong--great things happened all year.

Starting with marrying Jeff Labor Day weekend of last year. Starting CrossFit together and changing our way of life. Losing some LBS. Coming into my own more as a music teacher. Having the receiver of my dreams so our vinyl records finally sound like the should (AMAZING!). Going to Costa Rica and Mexico City. Buying my little car (his name is Franklin). Another niece and nephew entered our families. Lots of great things happened. Many precedents were set. Marriage keeps getting better and better.

Because part of me still lives in junior high, sometimes I catch myself thinking what life would be like if Jeff suddenly wasn't in it. When we were first married and marriage really hadn't set in, I would think, "Wow, yeah, that would really suck. I would miss him a lot." But now it usually brings me to tears to think about it at all. I don't know how women deal with that. Losing their husbands. My Jeff means absolutely everything to me. He is my best friend. Only the Savior and gospel have done more than he has to help me be a better person and reach my goals. He even helped me dye my hair yesterday so I wouldn't have to spend $$$ at my salon to have it done. I mean, what a sweetheart!! Not to mention the trip to Utah next weekend. It is SOOOOO HOT here right now, and there's no sign of getting out of the hundreds anytime soon. What a selfless man. My trip won't be nearly as fun without him there with me, and I will miss him terribly the whole time. But I am so happy I get to go see Mo get married. She is my best friend, my favorite companion from my mission. We had so many fun times, right from the get-go.

It's a rather funny story. There was another sister in our mission who REALLY didn't like me, to the point she spread falsities about me to missionaries and members alike. I am still not sure what her motive was, but I didn't care. There will always be people like that in life. I was sad she happened to be my fellow sister mish! Anyway, Mo was serving with this girl before she came to Waterloo Branch, where I was training Andie. I didn't know Mo too well at the time, so when I first saw her at transfer meeting, I thought I might be in for a long haul. Training Andie AND this new companion who looked SOOO nervous, in a tri-panionship. President had really gone crazy this time. Mo looked on the verge of tears that whole meeting. She was so flustered, wouldn't really make eye contact with me, hung by one of the senior sisters in our mission talking in low voices. Something serious was happening, obviously. I just hoped she left it behind so we could get back to Waterloo and WORK!

Fast forward a few days, and Mo and I were the best of friends. That's when she opened up to me about why she'd been so nervous that first day. Apparently this other sister who didn't like me had told Mo a bunch of mean and nasty things about me. Mo wasn't sure she should believe them, and she said after just a day of being with me and Andie she could tell none of them were true. Of course she told me all the things the other sister had said, and of course none of them were true. We had a good laugh and became the best of friends. We saw so many miracles in working together. Who'd have thought this city girl and that country bumpkin would get along like we did. I can't wait to see her next week! I'll be sure to actually take pics.

This Hurricane Irene thing has opened my eyes to something--how many Latter-day Saints still don't have food storage or any emergency preparedness items. I've been puzzled by the many Facebook status updates I've seen from my LDS friends, where they say they went to the store to buy food and water and there was nothing left! YEAH DUH!! That's why we are counseled to have it already on hand. You can try any excuse (don't have the money to buy extra food, don't have the space for it, I won't ever really need it, etc.), but I feel so strongly of the importance of food storage. Just don't do like I did this last time and buy water in that milk jug type of plastic. I checked on our water supply yesterday (hidden behind our TV table), only to find that our two 2.5-gal. container were completely drained! WHAT?!?! So that's where the leak was coming from when the tenant directly downstairs complained of leaking a few months ago...OOPS! Our gallon jugs were all still intact. Nevertheless, I bought water in better bottles yesterday and we will start drinking these gallon jugs. Make sure you buy water in plastic bottles that say "1 - PETE" on the bottom!!

Today church isn't until 4 pm, and we are only having Sacrament meeting and a LINGER LONGER!! Oh yeah. Hopefully it will be inside because if it is outside we are leaving.

If I could have one wish...

...I would make strawberries in season year round. This latest batch from Costco is sub par. Driscoll's has been pumping out the sweetest, most delectable little morsels all summer, until now. I am so sad.

If I could have two wishes, I would have sung this duet with Jeff at our wedding reception. Heaven knows we love belting it out at home. Tongue in cheek, of course.



I wonder if you all are as weird as we are.

Good times only

Sometimes my man makes me so happy. I love him so much.

I found out about a month ago that my best friend/best mission companion "Mo" (short for Sister Morrill) is getting married Labor Day Weekend. THIS IS GREAT NEWS!! And I am so happy for her. The sad news was that this is also the weekend of my first anniversary with Jeff, which trumps the wedding. One year already! I can't believe it.

I had written off going until a week or so ago, when Jeff and I both started feeling so insane from the heat here that we started toying with the idea of a Utah/Colorado/anywhere trip. This toy wasn't very fun when we saw how much it would cost. So, I wrote it off again. No big deal. It's just my best friend's wedding but no big.

Fast forward to last night when Jeff started looking at flights to Utah again. What? Why? I saw why. He had the best dates and times picked out for me to fly to Utah and be back in time for our Monday off, so we can celebrate our anniversary that day. WOW. He is the best ever! So now I get to have my cake (celebrate my 1st anniversary of ETERNITY with my beloved) and eat it too (go to Mo's wedding!). I am so ecstatic. I fell asleep smiling last night. I woke up smiling this morning. I am smiling as I write this blog post. Jeff Ward is the best husband there ever was!

As soon as Jeff had bought the ticket last night, I called Mo and told her I was coming, but she already knew!! She said Jeff e-mailed her earlier in the week and said he was doing all he could to make it possible for me to go to her wedding. Wow-wee. How special is he?! I am overjoyed.

I started my new calling as choir director today. It went well. Nothing else to report on that front.

Jeff and I teach Primary too. The Valiant 8 class. I told them my birthday was this week. Naturally, the kids wanted to know how old I'll be. I told them to guess. One boy said 38. Another girl said 30.

I need a maroon or dark green something to wear for Mo's wedding. I'm thinking of one of these with a pencil skirt I already own (though I wouldn't mind getting a new one). Tell me what you think!

Number one


Number two


Number three
-- UPDATE: Very unfortunately, this shirt is not available in my size. Phooey! It was my fave.

A few things.

Did I tell you I got my hair cut? No, probably not, because I don't need blogging right now. I realized that the other day. I used to write and blog a lot, about many different things. Mainly about questions I had or minor moral dilemmas or noteworthy happenings. My life is not boring, per se. I am just not struggling, so I don't feel the urge to write.

Or perhaps I am more personal now. I used to write such personal things on the Internet. I don't care to share them anymore.

I would say the latter is the answer. As I analyze my current state of struggle, I realize there are a few things I'm struggling with. I do not care to share them online.

Nevertheless, I got my haircut. My boss somewhat snidely remarked that it's "edgy." "What do we call this look?" he jibed. "I think I'll call it 'edgy'," said like a pompous king who's naming the Universe. (He meant no harm by it. I am only upset he is back from his week-long absence.)

Last week I realized that I have not had a cute haircut since before my mission. I classify cute as a cut more interesting that one length/semi-layered hair that falls below the shoulders. I mean BORING. To me at least.

My new stylist Brandan, who is every bit as fabulous as Patrick (former stylist in Utah)--(and I don't mean fabulous in the homosexual way), took off six or more inches of hair. My horses' tail is reduced to a cute little sprig of heather. I like it very much. Since it's been 100 degrees or more for months and months now, my neck likes it very much too. I feel so much more like myself.

I have given up on so many hopes and dreams I've had throughout my life. Dreams of writing, being a journalist, a singer, a DJ, being in a band, directing a choir, living in New York, etc. My life has definitely not gone any of these ways. I teach music lessons and I work as an admin at an oil and gas firm. The teaching part is great--I love it--the admin part pays my bills and gives me headaches. I'm working out like I should, but I'm not eating as clean as I can and should, and I know it. So I'm guilting myself over it. I'm tired of listening to myself and all my "shoulds" and "wills". I'm just not doing them. I'm capable of many of them, but I'm not doing them. I'm lazy. It's too hard. I can make endless excuses for why I'm not. At the end of the day I'm just not.

Far cry from what I was saying a few posts ago. If you want something badly enough, you'll do it.

I will do "it", in all its many forms. Just not this week. Tomorrow will be a better day :)

People all over the world, join hands.

Jeff and I went to Branson last week for a family reunion. Have you ever been there?

It is a throwback to the '70s. Lots of shows, Dixie Stampede, family-oriented activities, and lots more super fun things to do. We liked it well enough, especially seeing the group "Six."



Boy, that brings me back. I fell asleep in the first half and couldn't sit still for any portions I was awake. It was two hours of beat-boxing torture. Talented guys, sure, but not my cup of tea.

Another highlight of the trip was seeing real, wild foxes everywhere around our hotel/resort. Can't recall seeing one before this. I also loved the 100-degree, worse-than-Houston heat. And the crazy WOD (code for CrossFit workout of the day) that Jeff, his brother Ryan and I did. It involved three 2.5-minute rounds of running up a super steep, long hill (our car struggled to scale it, let alone our legs), then finishing the time with push-ups the first round, air squats the second round and back extensions the third round. I think I actually mixed up the push-ups/squats/back extensions, but you get the picture. We also went boating. I really loved boating. It was my first time on a boat ever, except for fishing boats. We went tubing too! Jeff and I rode together. He tried to stand up a few times and fell off. He also let me push him off one time, which was fun.

I loved spending time with Jeff's family, especially our niece and nephews. Our little nephew Paxton loves me so much! He kept saying "Eesa, Eesa!" when he would see me. And when he wouldn't. Nothing makes me feel more special than a little kid's affection. (Is that weird?)

I have pictures, but somehow I managed to have a weird look on my face in all of them. Next time, I guess.

The best part of the trip for me was definitely going to St. Louis. We spent time with Jeff's grandma, who I've decided is my surrogate Grandma Betty. She is so sweet. Does justice and more to all a grandma should be. Of course, being back in my mission stomping grounds is revitalizing enough. It was so good to see people I taught, see them strong in the gospel. I loved being a missionary!!! Again, I wish I had more pics. Jeff and I aren't picture-type people, I guess.

Jeff takes the GMAT this Thursday. Everyone say a prayer for him please!!

Changes

Last night, Jeff and I went with some friends to Miller Outdoor Theater. It's a huge, obviously outdoor theater here in Houston that puts on free shows for anyone who wants to come. We've seen the Houston Symphony, Chinese Acrobats, Houston Grand Opera Company, Houston Ballet Company, and countless other shows. Last night we saw Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew." It was a great show. Well staged, well acted, well done overall. But this isn't what I want to write about.

As we headed back to our car, we were followed by a young man and his date, who were engaged in a "deep" conversation about Shakespeare, his time period, and themes from the play. The guy apparently loved to hear himself talk, based on some of his inane comments. Such as this: "Some people argue that the British thought the Italians had a glamorous lifestyle, so that's why all of Shakespeare's plays take place in Italy." Or this gem: "The Taming of the Shrew brings up so many human elements and questions. Like, can people change? Is change possible?"

Yes, we were chuckling at him. (Can you blame us?)

Fast forward 22 hours and I'm thinking about change. How ridiculous that guy's scholarly diatribe was. But mainly how I've changed. The terms I would use to define myself today are wholly different than those I would have used five years ago. Even three years ago. Even one year ago!!!

I hear all the time, from co-workers largely, but also from what little TV I watch, that change isn't possible. "That's just the way I am," people say. Lady Gaga preaches we're "Born This Way" and Ke$ha or whoever sings that dumb song says "We are Who We Are." I don't know how anyone can believe this though, because it's not true.

We are all completely in control of who we are. Some people are dealt worse hands in life than others, but we can effect change in our lives in so many ways.

One of my former CrossFit trainers, who competed this weekend in the CrossFit Games, (and ranked in 28th place--INCREDIBLE results for anyone, let alone a first time Games competitor and for someone who's been CrossFitting for only about 18 months) once said, "If you want something bad enough, you'll do it," or something like that. In my experience, he is 100% right.

I sometimes see inconsistencies in myself, and in others, where we say we want something but put forth no effort to get it. Maybe we're lazy. Maybe we lack the know how. Or maybe we really just don't want it all that much.

I'm not going to list all the ways I've changed on here because I think I talk enough about how much I love CrossFit and eating Paleo in daily life so my blog doesn't need to hear about it too. Just know that I will never buy the excuse "I can't" because what you really mean is "I don't really want to." So own it!

At the end of the day (and the end of this rant), I truly believe we can be anything, any way, and anyone we want to be, if we want it badly enough. We can change ourselves--our bodies, our minds, our spirits--if we want it badly enough.

And don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!

Just do your best.

I can't believe this blog goes back to 2003. That's the year I graduated high school.

As I sit here, bored to high heaven here at work, I'm reading a few entries from August of that year, right before I left for BYU. It's so funny to read those, how I wrote back then, how I thought and what I thought about. I fought with my parents a lot then. Every entry mentions it!

So much of my life, I've felt like I don't fit in. This was largely true in high school, and true in college to an extent. I realize now that I'm older, that feeling has gone away. I guess because I don't care what people think of me anymore. Or maybe because I love myself the way I am. I know I have things to work on, but overall, I'm confident, maybe too confident, in who I am.

I've been thinking the past few days, why do people try to fit themselves into things they are not? Myself included in this question.

At the beginning of the year, I took a Kolbe test, which is designed to sum up how my brain functions. Mainly, how I accomplish tasks, how I like to work, how I work best, etc. I took a test analyzing myself, and one that analyzed my perception of my job and the type of work I do here.

Check out my results.

Exhibit A: The results for my brain.



Exhibit B: The results for what I perceive my job requires of me.



Interesting.

Tuesday I had a lengthy phone call with a guy from the Kolbe test company, who broke down for me a few things.

1. If my job isn't already creating high stress for me in my life, it will very soon, and I will neither excel at it nor will I be able to stick with it. Why? Because we are fundamentally wrong for each other.

This isn't news to me. Though the work I do is easy, it is BORING. It doesn't challenge me in any way, I rarely have deadlines, and there is only ONE WAY to complete most of the tasks I'm supposed to.

Counter this with how I like to work: with deadlines, freedom to invent my own way of doing things, loose guidelines, etc.

2. I should find a new job. Well, duh!

3. He recommended I implement a few work habits to maximize my efficiency. For example, find ways to increase risk in my job. Work on a project only until I start getting tired of it; then move onto something else. Don't plan, just improvise. Don't commit to too much, because committing to things will bring you stress. (This is true. Committing to go visiting teaching tonight is giving me anxiety! Not because of the teaching, but because of the commitment!)

4. He said that my whole life, people have probably been trying to break me of my current work habits, unsuccessfully. This is true. So he encouraged me to embrace them. (Take that, Mom and Dad!)

5. He was AMAZED that I can play the piano and sing and have taught myself to play various instruments over the years. He said normally someone with my Kolbe profile would be incapable of doing something like this, unless motivations to do so were very high. I would argue that my motivation to not be punished was high ;). I'm teasing. Music was ALL I wanted to do as a kid.

Overall, he was amazed that I've lasted in this job since August, and is wondering how much longer I'll last (me too). I keep this job out of necessity, because I need a job, I don't want to teach music full time, and I don't view it as a career path. I would teach music lessons as a career LONG before I ever stay an admin. Ugh. Even my job title makes me cringe.

Sometimes we fit ourselves where we don't belong because we feel like we have to. Most of time, our reason is probably not as good, or at least not as stupid. But we do it anyway.

Good news as of late: We have a family reunion in Branson, MO later in July. And then we are going to St. Louis for a few days to see BB's grandma and stomp my old grounds. I need a new swimsuit for Branson. Which do you like better?

Number one:



or number two?

Just say no to drugs

Until two months ago, this was my drug of choice.



Or this.



Or definitely this.



Or this.



Or, because I was trying to hide my drug habit from BouBou, I would drink the 20-oz., 50-cent bottles of crack my grocery store of choice (yeah HEB) tries to pass off as diet soda.

Friday night, BB and I went to our favorite TexMex joint so I could order the same thing I always do, fish tacos. We love this eatery not only for their food, but also because they are the only restaurant we know of, other than the heavenly Chick Fil-A, that serves Coke Zero (choice of crack #1).

When Juan came to get our drink order, I swiftly ordered water with lime. But BouBou lingered. He gave me that look, the sideways one where one of his dimples begs me ever so slightly to give in, to let him enjoy the magnificent bubbles and pseudo guilt-free ecstasy. I gave him the answer I always give when he's going to do something he shouldn't do: "It's your choice." He chose to order the Coke Zero.

In the ultimate test of self-mastery, I took three sips. They each burned down the hatch, like I imagine drinking Drano would feel like. (Did your mom ever tell you drinking Drano would burn up your insides? Mine did. Crazy imagery).

Former roommates will attest to my junkie-like dependence on caramel-colored diet soda. I kept a mini fridge in my room sophomore year, stocked with Diet Coke, so I didn't have to go to the kitchen each time I wanted a Coke. I would drink four cans a day, and maybe even a 44-oz. if I had to stay late at school. When I worked at the Daily Universe, my habit was just as bad. My day didn't start right without a Coke. I am embarrassed to say, that though I was Diet Coke-free for the first few months of my mission, by the time I got to Waterloo, IL, Wal-Mart's prices were too good to resist. My habit was back.

I've started and stopped multiple times since moving to Houston, mostly started again. To no avail. The habit has always returned. "Soda is so refreshing," I would think. "It's so hot. Water won't make me feel better," I would reason. But no more.

What makes this time different?

It was those three, miraculous sips that changed who I am forever. My date with diet soda is over. You see, I am soda free, and I will always be.

BouBou the Birthday Boy

He came home from work less than thrilled.

BouBou was so lucky to teach the same class of students two years in a row. Teach For America may not have delivered on much, but it delivered on the kids. They were the sweetest group of students a teacher could imagine.

BouBou started teaching a new crop last week at the start of summer school, and so far, they are troublesome.

So somebody came home a very grumpy boy. And that's not okay for my BB.

Even though the evening started rough, it ended well, as evidenced by this picture.



I cooked a london broil for dinner--a little too done, but when do I not overcook my meats--and my signature green beans and almonds. Then we went to Costco to buy spinach and salsa, because those are a breakfast food group chez Ward. We closed out our night with the most divine brownie known to mankind, sold only at Barnaby's Cafe in Houston. Wowee. This is a 6" x 6" square of cocoa-infused splendor, topped with homemade vanilla bean ice cream. Party time in my mouth for sure.

He made off with some pretty good gifts. A bunch of shirts, because he (gasp!) wears a small now.



The game "In A Pickle", which neither of us have ever played, but it looked cool.



Converse hi-tops, because every deadlifting Crossfit fool's gotta wear them hi-tops.



A headlamp, both because he wanted one and I have been on an emergency preparedness overload lately.



And the big winner of the night: two tickets to see Jerry Seinfeld's comedy show here in Houston. Yeah, so I went a little overboard this year, but half of this stuff we would have bought anyway. I love you! Mega yay for BB's Birthday!!! Let's do it again!

Birthdays are the best days!

Happy Birthday BB! My sweet Jeff is 26 today. Everybody wish him a happy birthday!

Why I Believe

This is why I eat Paleo.



And if that wasn't enough, read this article.

Another reason I love Houston

Well this is comforting.

Long time comin'

You may have noticed this fancy button that popped up on the right-hand side of my blog around May 1. Maybe you didn't because I haven't posted since then, so you probably haven't been to my blog. Either way, please notice the fancy button on the right hand side of my blog. That one that says: "I'm doing the Whole30" or something like that.

It's on there because BouBou and I are DONE with a clean-eating challenge called, you guessed it, The Whole30. For 30 days, starting May 1, we ate 100% clean. That means no added sugar, no grains, no dairy, no legumes, no soy, no nightshades, for 30 days.

I was skeptical at first. But, my weight had plateaued (I was still getting smaller, but just swapped fat for muscle), we got back from our Easter jaunt feeling like fatties, and we knew it was time to get back to the basics of clean eating.

In the past months, I've lost nine pounds, and I'm two sizes smaller than I was at the beginning. In January, when I started Crossfit and The Zone, I was a snug size 12 and had been for years. Sometimes a 14. Now I'm a tight and toned 10, and at some stores I'm wearing an 8. I still can't believe it. I've never been an 8, and I haven't been a 10 since I think 8th grade or freshman year of high school. My ultimate goal is a 6. Why 6? I don't know. It sounds good. None of my clothes fit anymore. My dresses hang like drapes off of me, I constantly tug at my pants (luckily I scored a pair of bearable pants at Old Navy for $9 a few weeks back. They were tight when I got them. Now they are loose), my shirts sag, and even my undies are having a hard time staying put. I am a new woman. What's more, BouBou is a new man. We loved the Whole30 challenge, and I highly recommend it.

Last night ended our challenge, so to celebrate our hard work, we ate some BlueBell ice cream and cupcakes from Crave. WORST DECISION EVER. I will treat myself from now on by NOT eating those things. Both of us have such horrible sugar hangovers today. I have learned my lesson that sugar is a drug I do not want in my body.

I love the Paleo diet. I feel healthy, strong, my body is morphing into this lean and toned machine in a matter of weeks, and I am vibrant, full of life. My acne is totally gone. I can complete physical tasks I never could before. I'm faster and stronger at CrossFit. This diet is helping me reach goals I've literally had since junior high, but have never had the knowledge, tools, or discipline to obtain. Truly it has been an answer to lifelong prayer.

Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants clearly states that grains are to be "the staff of life," and a few people have asked me how I can justify eating Paleo. A less than common definition of "staff" is "something that serves as a staple or support." The Word of Wisdom outlines daily living and nutrition that will also keep us free from disease, give us energy, and bless us with the assurance of keeping divine commandments. Most Americans consume dirty grains, the kind that are bleached, processed and milled to death until they become blood-spiking toxins that give no nutritional benefit and will leave eaters craving more. The kind of grains I believe are "the staff of life" are clean, untouched and quality. When I have reached my fat loss goals, I plan on incorporating these staples back into my diet.

I just finished reading thist book, which is EXCELLENT by the way, and no we are not expecting. Now I really want to read this book. I am so fascinated by this topic of nutrition and optimal physical performance right now.

As I've commented to my one true love Jeff/BouBou, my entire life I've felt physically inadequate and incapable of athleticism and finesse. Because of CrossFit and clean eating, I've discovered the remarkable creation my body is, and how much more spiritually alive I feel when I'm taking care of my personal temple.

I never thought I could feel such a strong testimony of this topic, but I do!

Mom, Dad and Robert came into town this weekend to drive the Rat back to Utah. Did I mention Jeff and I got a new car back in March? A Ford Fiesta hatchback. I absolutely love it and I'm so glad to drive a car from this decade (the Rat is a 2000 model; so is my old Echo). I wish I had pictures of them being here this weekend, because we had a great time!! They flew in Friday. Dad and Robert left Saturday for Utah, and Mom and I drove up to Tyler to be with Becky and the kids for the weekend. It was fun. I love playing with my sweet nephew Trevor and I wish I could take him home with me. He is a love.

I drove back Sunday night so Jeff and I could hit the beach yesterday with our friends, the Brabazons, who are stealing their sweet daughters away from us to move to Washington state. I am used to beaches like this:



or this:



But what we got was this:



50 feet of washed-up seaweed, no open sand. I've never been so disappointed in my life. The highlight of the day was when BouBou got up on a surfboard and rode it in probably 40 feet. That was pretty cool. Otherwise, I will not be wasting my time with Texas beaches anymore. It's going to take lots of scrubbing to get the sea salt off the Fiesta too.

Houston just keeps giving and giving!

Back in the saddle

As I've posted before, Bou Bou and I follow a diet called "Paleo," which in a nutshell means we eat anything that was around 20,000 years ago and not much more. No grains, no dairy, NO SUGAR. We've never felt better. Sometimes we blur the lines a little by treating ourselves to a milkshake or Chick Fil-A, but we don't tow the line too much, especially when it comes to eating sugar. (This is the best article I've seen recently on the nasty effects of sugar on the body).

Until this weekend. We drove up to Tyler, TX to see my sister and her family, who arrived there Thursday for the summer sales season. We got there Friday night, already having eaten. My sister texted on our way up, asking if we'd join them for dessert that night. Sure, we thought. Why not. We went to an amazing frozen custard place and shared a concrete. Not too bad. More sugar than I'm used to at this point, but not so overwhelming I felt sick.

Ravenous the next morning, I woke up to a pantry and fridge full of grains and sugar-laden food. Powdered donuts, baked chips, bread, bagels, candy, cookies, you name it. Then light yogurt (aspartame has similar effects on insulin level that sugar does, so it's still bad), Crystal Light, diet soda, hot dogs (mechanically separated chicken, pork and beef in one saturated fat laden cylinder), cheese, cream cheese in the fridge. Eggos, ice cream and chicken nuggets in the freezer, plus a tub of pre-cooked brisket slathered in sugary BBQ sauce for Easter dinner. The only thing edible in the entire fridge were the eggs. You're probably thinking, "But this is what's in my fridge too!" And it used to be in my fridge too (except for the hot dogs).

Let me cut to the chase. After a weekend of eating the processed, pre-cooked, heat from frozen junk most Americans call food, Jeff and I were physically ill. The 4-hr drive back to Houston last night was absolutely miserable. I felt fatigued, nauseated, we had headaches, we were close to vomiting, we wanted to die.

There's real food and then there's fake food. Real food is found on the perimeter of the grocery store. It either used to eat something or came from something that used to eat something (eggs), or it grew in the ground. It has no additives, nothing bromenated, no partially hydrogenated oils, no trans fats. It definitely has NO CORN SYRUP AND NO SUGAR.

Jeff and I eat small portions of meat or eggs at each meal. Coupled with that are fresh vegetables. We eat one serving of fruit with breakfast usually. We add a few nuts and seeds or good oils to each meal. Upon finding out what we eat, a few people have commented to me, "Wow, your food bill must be insane buying all that meat and fresh produce." But it's not. I buy meat on sale. I buy in-season produce. Once I splurged and bought grass-fed ground beef (I plan on doing this more--the nutritional benefits are worth the price). I do mostly buy no hormone/steroid/organic chicken, but I'd rather buy full free range (not the pasturized free range imposter though!) There are ways to eat healthy and stay in budget.

My moral: If you often feel tired and achy, lack energy, crave sweets, if your energy levels crash, you can't lose weight/you gain weight, nothing cures your acne, (and the list goes on and on), you probably need to remove some foods from your diet. Going Paleo is the best thing Jeff and I have done for our bodies EVER. Jeff is at a weight he hasn't been at since junior high, I believe. I'm at a weight I last saw freshman year of high school. We are also lean! Jeff is so close to his goal of a six pack, and my hip rolls are finally small bumps instead of giant hills. Give it a try for one week and feel the difference! I promise you will not be let down!

Rumbly in the tumbly

Health insurance. A heated topic among many Americans. After my experience yesterday, I have some clue why.

My most "generous" employer (I should add "selectively") provides me health and dental insurance with no detriment to my wage. How nice! I do not have vision coverage, which for my four eyes, means I fork over a few hundred dollars a year in optometry visits and new contact lenses. I haven't had new glasses frames for probably five years; no new lenses for three. My glasses see my face for an hour before bed, if they're lucky, so I'm not as concerned with these, but I do need them.

Since being back from Costa Rica, I've suffered from "bowel issues." (They say the water is safe to drink there!!) Jeff hasn't developed any troubles, so I'm not sure what I ate or drank that spawned this fun. He thought I should see a doctor as soon as we returned to the States. I would have, but I'd never used my health insurance, so I was wary of the cost of seeing a doctor, especially since we spent a wad in CR.

Finally, yesterday, after 2.5 weeks of unpredictable intestinal fistfights, I decided it was time to pay The Man and get some antibiotics. I had no clue what my co-pay was, or even if I had a co-pay. I saw a PA for 15 minutes, long enough for her to diagnose me with what I'd diagnosed myself with, thanks to mayoclinic, and send in a scrip for some bug killers, and send me back up to reception to pay.

My heart raced. How much will this visit be? $25? $50? $100? No. It couldn't be over $100, I thought.

I was shocked when I was charged $117.34. All out of pocket. Insurance paid nothing.

This is how the real world is? This is why the little man wants Obamacare? This is why so many other countries have socialized medicine? This is why I want to find a new job? This is why insurance companies are evil? This is why I will procrastinate seeing a doctor, even in a matter of life or death? Because the partners at the company I work for make hundreds of thousands of dollars each per year, and I make about 4.6 percent of what they make? What if BouBou and I accidentally get pregnant? Literally, we couldn't afford our baby!!!!

It makes me sick. Many of you are probably worse off. I feel cheated. I don't think I'm alone in this either!!!

Everything happens to me.

Why is it that every time one is preparing to leave on a trip, the world collides?! This has been one crazy week.

Tuesday night I had a work dinner to attend. At 6 pm, I went out to my car (I was luckily already at home) and tried to turn it on. No go. Tried it again. No go. Lights were going on normally, the engine just wouldn't turn over. I knew it wasn't the starter--our mobile mechanic, Big John, installed a new one in your fall (Houston's endless summer). The Saturn did this once before because of corrosion on the battery cables. I ruined a perfectly good boar bristle hairbrush dusting off the battery system, and still, no go. By this point I knew the car wasn't going to start through anything I did to coerce it, so naturally, I said a prayer. Suddenly my kind French neighbor, who also loves working on cars, appeared out of thin air, and asked me to start it again, which I did. No sooner had a turned the key that he started yelling in his accent so thick you think he's still speaking French, "SMOKE!!!! FIRE!!!!!" Smoke was billowing out from under the hood of the Saturn aka the Rat, on some wires right behind the engine block. He ran upstairs to grab water from his apartment while I uselessly tried blowing out the flame (it wasn't a birthday candle; I probably made it worse; what was I thinking?!)

Jeff and I have been wanting to bag the Rat since we married. That thing is 11 years old! It''s seen me through thick and thin and got me moved to Texas in one piece, not to mention the thousands of miles my sister and her husband put on it in the six years they had it. Yes, it was time to purchasae.

We've been saving a healthy down payment, waiting for the right time, or until the Rat finally succumbed to the poison that is Saturns. In preparation we test drove a few small cars, but the one that stood out was the Ford Fiesta. It used to be in the States, then it was only in Europe the past decade or so, and Ford just brought it back this year. It is a NEAT little car. Gets excellent mileage, cool features inside (I can stream music via Bluetooth from my iPhone and of course have a hands-free system built in to the car). I am really digging it. I was surprised to see that it is a highly rated little vehicle, and even beats out the Honda Fit! I've never been into Fords, but so far, so good!

So after the car got rocked this week, Friday morning rolled around. Jeff and I got up for Crossfit at 4:25, like we always do MWF, and trekked the 15 minutes drive to CrossFitWestHouston (CFWH). Unfortunately our instructor had an alarm malfunction!! Happens to the best of us, but I was REALLY looking forward to the WOD.

Came home and turned on NPR only to hear that Sendai, Japan, where my brother Michael is serving an LDS mission, was bludgeoned by an 8.9-magnitude earthquake and a tsunami that's obliterated the entire coastal region of Sendai. It was a LOOOONNNNGGGGGG day of waiting, patiently waiting, scouring news web sites, searching for reports of how many dead, where was hit worst. We heard bits and pieces throughout the day, but it wasn't until 11:45 pm or so that an Area Authority of the LDS church in Sendai called my parents, saying he had spoken to Michael personally and knew he was well. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I would say this is the biggest personal scare I've ever had in my life. Michael means the world to me as far as siblings go. He and I have always really understood each other, without having to say much to get there, and I would miss him so badly.

At the same time, I have a knowledge that I would see MIchael again should he have been fatally wounded in this crisis. Through the Plan of Salvation (or Plan of Happiness), I know why I am here on earth, where I go after, and what happens next. I know it because I feel this strong feeling in my heart every time I study it, or read about it in the Book of Mormon and the Bible, or read the words of the prophet Thomas S. Monson. That feeling is the Holy Spirit of God, or the Holy Ghost, confirming truth for me. It is the best feeling (see verses 22-23) in the world, not only to feel the Holy Ghost confirm truth, but also to know our Heavenly Father loves us enough to teach us these truths Himself, through the Holy Ghost.

Now that Michael is well, I'm realizing just how many people in Sendai are not so lucky. The photos are awful. I don't know how you'd even begin to clean up the mess that tsunami left. There will be much work to do.

In 5.5 hours, Jeff and I will be on a plane to Costa Rica!! I am so grateful to know MIchael is okay, BEFORE we leave.

Life is good!!! Pura vida!!

Five more days, then I'm running away

Exactly five days from this moment, my sweet Bou Bou and I will be boarding a flight to Mexico City, then on to Costa Rica!!! I cannot wait!! I have spent the past few months poring over the Interwebs, trying to find the best places to stay and see and go. Our trip is narrowed down to places I'm sure we will love! The first half of our trip, we are staying in rural Costa Rica. I am especially excited about this portion of the trip. We live in the heart of Houston, Texas, which if you didn't know is the fourth largest city in the U.S. and the largest city in the state of Texas. Each day we battle traffic along the dreaded Westheimer Road, an eight-lane mini highway not far from our home. I believe I have mentioned it before. If not, just know it is the most stressful road I've ever driven on, and unfortunately, everything we need is off this road. Blech.

Needless to say, I wanted to forgo the resort-style vacation and head into uncharted territory. These rural locations in Costa Rica are sure to be relaxing, and beautiful!

Hanging bridges in Las Heliconas Rainforest


Rio Celeste River and Waterfall


We will see many exotic animals, like monkeys, sloths, toucans, and many bugs and birds the US will never see. But the highlight of our trip will surely be the Monteverde Extremo Canopy zipline tour. The video below is a little long; I recommend skipping to the 6-minute mark to see the "Superman" portion of the tour. Or, if you want a real treat, watch the whole thing so you can listen to the funny things the German guy who made the video says. For example: "I didn't bought a hike!" and "I can't feel my legs back! And my bones!!"

Costa Rica Monteverde Extremo Canopy 2010 HD from philipp runk on Vimeo.

After this fun-filled first few days, we will travel down to Manuel Antonio, which is supposed to have some of the best beaches in the country. MA is also much busier than the places we will have previously stayed, so it will be interesting to be in a more tourist-driven area.

Our last day we will fly to Mexico City and tour Teotihuacan! I can't wait for that!!!

Other than these fun activities, the thing I'm most excited for is the FOOD!! Costa Rican food looks delicious. Lots of black beans and rice, meat, plantains, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. Yum!

Pura vida!

To Brandon Davies

Whatever you've done, we don't care. Just beg for absolution and get back on the court. Link to KSL article

The worst night of my life.

Not really the worst night of my life, but it was the worst I can remember for a really long time.

Each year the Houston Rodeo comes to town. Ever since I was a kid, I've always glamorized rodeos, probably because I've never been to one. I'd watch the bull and bronco riding on TV, the calf roping, the clowns getting manhandled by the bulls, the riders flying off and miraculously not dying...I couldn't get enough of it. I loved barrel racing too, because it was milder, gentler, and the horses weren't mean!

I'd always surmised those broncos were a special breed of horse that was really angry all the time, and flailed about when provoked by a rider. Same with the bulls. When I got older I realized the broncos and bulls weren't bucking just because they wanted the riders off their backs. The real reason made me uncomfortable--it sounded so painful--so I stopped watching. But secretly I still love the rodeo, or the idea of it.

So this past weekend, Jeff and I ventured to the rodeo, not for an actual rodeo, but for the World BBQ Championship that kicks off the Houston Rodeo each year.

Mmmmm. Ribs.



We were so excited. All day Saturday I ate minimally in anticipation of the BBQ feast, greater than any Thanksgiving dinner, more delicious than ambrosia itself. BBQ is the best way to cook meat. I couldn't wait to binge on succulent sausages and breathtaking brisket and palate-puckering pulled pork. Oh man, I am hungry now! And I was hungry then. Ravishing even.

Our friends, Jorge and Danielle, had our tickets, so we decided we'd meet up with them once we got to the BBQ. BAD IDEA.

Traffic kept us captive for an hour. Finally we pulled in to the old Astroworld lot. "How much?" Jeff asked. "Twenty dollars," the lady said. I gasped. "Twenty dollars? What does that even go toward?" I asked. Twenty dollars to park on some grass? NUTS! Without even making eye contact, the lady said, "Oh it goes for scholarships for the kids and things like that." Psh. Scholarship my lands, keep padding your pockets Reliant Stadium. You suck.

We prodded along with the rest of the cattle, maneuvering a rocky road, over the highway, to the stadium. And then we waited. Jorge and Danielle were stuck in traffic too. We waited, and waited, and waited. The old Primary song, "Pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked" kept running through my mind. Except they words for me were "waited and waited and waited and waited," etc. I was going ballistic. The people watching was prime, but the whole poseur one-night-only cowboy look lost its humor pretty quickly. As did watching all the skimpily dressed girls, many of whom would've been wise to cover up. Funny how public events give certain classes of people cause for, uh, "dressing up." Or out. You know what I mean.

We waited for over an hour. If you've ever had to be with me when I haven't eaten in a long time, I'm sorry. I get really grumpy and really mad, and I hate everything and everyone. I was in this mode when we got to Reliant. You can imagine how saintly my Jeff was that night to put up with me.

Jorge and Danielle finally got into the BBQ, unfortunately on the other side of it. They maneuvered their way over to the gate where Jeff and I were waiting. Finally, I thought. Sweet BBQ is mine!! But not so fast: Jorge said, "We are leaving." What?! "Someone stole my wallet," he said. So off they went.

Jeff and I decided to walk around and start finding some BBQ. Only, all the BBQ was inside these booths, protected by policemen. What was the deal? Our tickets online said we were getting a BBQ plate with this, so where is ours? After wandering around in a starvation-induced stupor for ten minutes, we finally asked a policeman what the deal was. "Oh, these booths are all private parties. You have to have a pass to get in." He didn't know how to get a pass, and by this point, we didn't care. EVERYONE in there was drunk. Everyone was loud, obnoxious, inebriated, I probably stepped in vomit ten times. It was awful. Trying to be positive, Jeff suggested we go to the carnival. On a normal night, I would have been all over that--I'd been admired the gigantic ferris wheel on the horizon all night--but not this night. I have never wanted to get out of a place so badly.

"What's going to make this better for you, my love," my sweet Jeff asked. There was only one place that could ever do me right at a time like this, and he knew it.

On the way to our magical place, we played the only music healing enough to soothe the weary soul and stomach at a time like this: Third Eye Blind's self-titled album. We pulled into the parking lot, blasting "Narcolepsy," competing against the volume with our own singing. Two teenagers were in the car next to us. They thought we were nuts. They have no clue about the '90s.

I ate delicious chicken and dumplings at Cracker Barrel that night, Jeff had fried shrimp and even splurged with some mac and cheese. Food has never tasted so good. A night has never turned around so quickly, or so well. I love my Jeffy.

And I hate the Houston Rodeo.

This just in

I love my husband.

Gifs by Oriza - Nice gifs, poems scraps

my top ten

Things currently driving my passion:

1. Costa Rica---only two more weeks, my passport FINALLY came, not looking forward to wearing synthetics and ugly sandals for a week
2. CrossFit---I finally have a bum that's not so flat-as-a-pancake, and my body is always sore, BUT I'm also in probably the best shape of my life.
3. The Zone/Paleo---wellness is 80% nutrition and that is definitely true!
4. chocolate cinnamon bears (not Zone/Paleo approved)---Cade is a saint for sending us a bag (actually two--USPS lost the first one and they wonder why they're going bankrupt), I may enlist you for monthly shipments
5. Wee Musicians---mid-century prints, so adorable, I saw an overpriced trio of them at The Guild Shop (Houston's BEST thrift/consignment shop) and haven't stopped dreaming of them after passing them up
6. bettering myself--weight loss (17 pounds so far! I am fitting in clothes I haven't fit in for a while, dropped a pant size and shirt size)
7. purging--not the eating disorder kind of purge, just the kind where I rid my life of unproductive things. Namely surfing the Internet. It's so fun, but I still have sewing projects to start/finish and the www is not helping much.
8. how I want to parent--Jeff and I are both getting baby hungry, which I think is a good thing. Something not exactly good are all the kids we've been around lately who have MAJOR behavioral issues, that seem to be perpetuated by their parents. We are pretty sure this one kid at church is going to turn into a serial killer. He made the strangest comments when we subbed his class in Primary a few weeks ago. We are talking a lot about how we want to raise our kids: handle good and bad behavior, discipline, teach, etc. Luckily we agree on most everything.
9. cooking a whole chicken -- this one is kind of weird. I cooked a whole chicken for the first time last night. Reaching into the cavity and pulling out the giblets was pretty disgusting. Worse though was rinsing the chicken and patting it dry. It felt like a baby. I was traumatized at first, but I'd do it again and again for the price. $4.75 for a 5-lb. chicken that fed us, the sister missionaries, is giving me lunch today, and Jeff and I enough meat for our salads tonight. $4.75 gets us about four chicken breasts, if I can find it on sale.
10. Gardening -- we started a garden share with a family in our congregation. The wife is an agronomist. She's been growing organic for five years or more. Can't wait for our harvest. We are learning a lot about Houston's growing seasons. There are two: Spring and Fall. Spring season you plant in February and harvest in April. The garden can't survive the hot, sticky summers and all the mold and fungus the season brings. Plant again in August, harvest in October, often through the winter. Jeff and I are scheming on how to turn our small patio into an urban garden paradise. Perhaps tiered grow boxes. I'm not sure...all I know is we need to plant soon! Like last weekend!

What spring projects do you have planned?