the good news and less good news

The good news is that the ER ultrasound tech and interpreting MD were fools. The baby is right on schedule, maybe even a little ahead! HOORAY! I cried genuine tears of relief and let out a sincere "Praise the Lord" when the ultrasound tech told me that.

The less good news is that the clot is still there, though I've had no symptoms of it in over a week. I did the math, and the clot is basically about half as long as my uterus currently is, I think. That seems pretty good to me. I also learned that the clots aren't necessarily touching the placenta, which is even better. Of that 25% area where the clot is, maybe only 25% of the clot is actually touching the placenta. In other words, a small amount.

Most women with clots, even large ones, go on to have normal and healthy pregnancies.

Thanks to everyone for offering their faith, prayers, and good vibes that Mr. Clot will see himself gone soon.

Thanks to my midwife Holly for texting me all the time, even when it's her day off.

Thanks to Sara V. for giving me more midwife advice and being such a good, supportive friend.

Thanks to Jana N. for telling me success stories about other women who've had large clots and for buying my baby a dress. Even if it's a boy, he will wear it.

Thanks to John Denver and Nick Drake for writing music that helps me stay calm. No one ever told me emotions are so heightened during pregnancy. I haven't felt anxiety, joy, love, and calm like this since I was a teen with out of control hormones. It's actually pretty cool to feel so alive again! But I will be happy when my emotional levels are temperate again after the baby comes.

be patient in thine afflictions

Some people are people of faith, and others aren't. I am a person of faith. Sometimes I need my faith more than other times, but its strength does not waver. I have seen the hand of loving Heavenly Parents, felt the redeeming love and grace of the Savior, and heard the sweet guidance of the Holy Spirit too many times to deny Their existence. This knowledge is the essence of who I am.

Last night I started bleeding, really bleeding, from you know where, with some intense pressure in my lady regions. This wouldn't be an issue except that I'm 16 weeks pregnant (or so I thought. I'll get to that). Anyone knows that bleeding during pregnancy isn't really a good thing. After bleeding nonstop for a good 30 minutes, we hopped in the car on a strangely deserted rainy Houston night to head for the ER.

I was taken back right away. My decision to see a midwife and avoid the hospital was confirmed throughout the night as I was poked, had blood drawn, was hooked up to an IV, had tape ripped off my arm, had to sit in a bed on a puppy pad, and was forced to get the worst of all pokes...a catheter. Thank heaven that was only a 30 second experience (the most miserable 30 seconds in recent memory).

We thought it was a late miscarriage, but right away the ultrasound tech gave us the good news that she found a strong fetal heartbeat, 153 bpm. Later the doctor told us some not as good news. The fetus is measuring 11-12 weeks, not 16. We may have miscalculated the date of conception, or the fetus might just be small, or there might be a problem. The main problem and source of the bleeding is a subchrionic hematoma, a big one at 5 cm. These hematomas are hemorrhages that sit between the placenta and uterus. Usually they clot and go away, if they're small. Big hematomas like mine could also clot (get to work, little blood cells!), or they could cause a placental abruption, or they could cause an all out miscarriage. It's really anyone's guess.

But there were miracles yesterday, creeping up throughout the day. If I was a missionary, I would have been tipped off to the fact that something important was right around the corner, but I just figured I was having a lucky day.

Yesterday morning, the a/c was off in my office building again, which is no big deal (despite the 100 degree heat), so I brought my work home.

Then our company controller called saying the company would possibly be willing to give me a $1,000 monthly stipend so I could get on Jeff's insurance. It would mean we could upgrade off our high deductible plans. Fingers were crossed for this stipend as I called his provider and they verified that the enrollment period was still open.

It was Jeff's first day back at school, and luckily, he decided he wanted to celebrate with a legendary Barnaby's chocolate brownie. Barnaby's is just up the street from our house. And that is when the bleeding started.

Jeff administered a blessing of healing when we got home, and he spoke those sweet words that calm the mind and heal the soul. All will be well, whatever that is, but it will work out for the best. It always does.

By 7:30 am this morning, my boss had approved giving Jeff and I the insurance stipend, thanks in large part to this scare. On our new plan, my prenatal care will be 100% covered. Now, if only I could back date the enrollment date one day... :)

I know my Parents and parents love me and watch over me. I felt my Grandma Betty, my guardian angel, with me through the night. I felt my Papa and my great-grandpas who I've never met help Jeff give me that blessing. I know what I know, and I am so grateful to know it. I feel like the worst isn't over, but if it is, that's fine with me!