Perfection

I don't know what I did to deserve my life. Maybe it was because when I was really little I would steal my baby brother's bottles out of his crib while he napped for my old sister, because she asked me to. Or maybe it was because one time my brother ran outside, naked, his underwear on his head, and I was down the street playing with the "big kids" on the street, and when they laughed at him I defended him. Or maybe it was because I thought pouring salt on slugs, or shining the sun onto caterpillars through a magnifying glass was a horrible and inhumane thing to do, and I wouldn't stand for it.

Today is my birthday, you see. I am 22. When I was a little kid, I never really had parties. I have a late summer birthday, and every one of my friends was always off on their last vacation before school started. The last time I tried to have a party was when I was 11. It was the summer between 5th and 6th grade. My only friend who was in town was Stephanie Ferguson. The two of us and my mom went to Fresh Choice. I sort of liked Winnie the Pooh at the time, and Stephanie gave me a fake silk vest that had Winnie the Pooh all over it. Let me just say that the second I laid eyes on that vest was the second I stopped liking Winnie the Pooh. That thing was hideous, and there was no way in hell I would be caught dead wearing it.

Needless to say, this attempt at a birthday party was my last.

My dad's been giving me a hard time for weeks about this BBQ I had tonight. He wanted me to be home with the family on my actual birthday. I recounted this story to him, about how I just wanted to party with my friends on my actual birthday since I never did as a kid. I don't think he really understood why I had to have this BBQ. It was just one of those things I had to do.

But tonight was one of the most perfect nights of my life. I was surrounded by my dearest friends (minus a few key members, plus the entire New York gang--I miss you guys so much), all joined together by good food, good conversation, and love. As Jesse Rex Tucker put it, it felt like what I picture heaven to be like. All of my worlds collided tonight, and I watched as my friends mingled and talked and tightened our web of love. Pure joy is a good way to define what I felt. Pure joy mixed with pure beauty mixed with pure, perfect love. It transcended earthly emotion. To feel so unabashedly loved by these people and to declare my love back. I'm pretty sure I beamed. I like it when I beam.

I also like being in love with nothing and everything, which only happens when life is good to me. Too good to me in this case.