Thursday, August 19, 2004
one of us
my birthday's in one week. i'll be 19. all i want is an ipod, but i can't decide between the 20 and the 40 gig. please, if you have any input, feel free to share it.
one last sunday here. do i go to singles ward and kiss azn boi, or do i go to my parent's ward and see everyone? or do i squeeze them both in? or do i completely forgo my parent's ward? that is the way i'm leaning at this point...i don't really care to see anyone there...but i'm thinking i will go to two sacrament meetings, which for you non-LDS people is the most important meeting out of our three hours in church every sunday.
i am so excited to go back to provo. it's a joke. this year is going to be fun i think, and i'm excited to start it up.
saw celeste last night for the first time...she just got back from europe and i surprised her at plearn and brought her flowers. her aunts are tyte.
weirdest of all--i saw my old friend alex last night for the first time since the week i got home. it was trippy. my heart stopped beating when i saw him, like i'd been hit in the side of the head with a board but remained conscious. it's crazy how people mean so much to you at one point and vice versa but a month later you don't even give a damn. i mean really...that was probably the last time i'll ever see him. walnut creek is no home to me and i don't plan on coming back unless i really need to make money next summer--otherwise i'm off to europe to be poor and love living.
i've felt really down lately. down on myself for how i look, and what i say, and how i act, just everything. my hair is kinda purple. i really like it. but other than that it's awful. everything's awful.
my mom is putting unnecessary pressure on me to pick a birthday cake/pie/dessert, since i never get cake, but she just won't leave me alone about it. and really, it's no big deal. i like fruit, i like pie, i don't eat chocolate cake cos i think it's kinda gross. simple guidelines. pick yourself!
my bridesmaid dress came and it's really pretty. i bought new shoes but i don't like them. i bought a skirt and right after i bought it it went on sale. so i'm taking it back tomorrow.
i hate being so damn indecisive. it's my biggest flaw.
xoxo lisa
provo, here we come.
one last sunday here. do i go to singles ward and kiss azn boi, or do i go to my parent's ward and see everyone? or do i squeeze them both in? or do i completely forgo my parent's ward? that is the way i'm leaning at this point...i don't really care to see anyone there...but i'm thinking i will go to two sacrament meetings, which for you non-LDS people is the most important meeting out of our three hours in church every sunday.
i am so excited to go back to provo. it's a joke. this year is going to be fun i think, and i'm excited to start it up.
saw celeste last night for the first time...she just got back from europe and i surprised her at plearn and brought her flowers. her aunts are tyte.
weirdest of all--i saw my old friend alex last night for the first time since the week i got home. it was trippy. my heart stopped beating when i saw him, like i'd been hit in the side of the head with a board but remained conscious. it's crazy how people mean so much to you at one point and vice versa but a month later you don't even give a damn. i mean really...that was probably the last time i'll ever see him. walnut creek is no home to me and i don't plan on coming back unless i really need to make money next summer--otherwise i'm off to europe to be poor and love living.
i've felt really down lately. down on myself for how i look, and what i say, and how i act, just everything. my hair is kinda purple. i really like it. but other than that it's awful. everything's awful.
my mom is putting unnecessary pressure on me to pick a birthday cake/pie/dessert, since i never get cake, but she just won't leave me alone about it. and really, it's no big deal. i like fruit, i like pie, i don't eat chocolate cake cos i think it's kinda gross. simple guidelines. pick yourself!
my bridesmaid dress came and it's really pretty. i bought new shoes but i don't like them. i bought a skirt and right after i bought it it went on sale. so i'm taking it back tomorrow.
i hate being so damn indecisive. it's my biggest flaw.
xoxo lisa
provo, here we come.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Life In A Glass House
I leave for school really soon. Like two weeks from this Thursday or something like that. We haven't decided. But it's really crazy. This was a really fast four months for the most part, which is good.
Last night I went to Brandon's. Normally I don't like seeing all those kids like Tanya Maureen Stiv Marlon etc. but last night it was actually really fun. Sean Megley was there and he still didn't remember my name. Chris Mabry was there and he wondered if I remembered him from high school (I did) and he told me I looked really good. I'm not sure if I can count that as a compliment when it comes from him. Teddybear (stiv) was really drunk and kept trying to freak with me, so I just told him he's hot cos he is. Then Danielle kept looking at me funny for like an hour or two (for those of you who don't know, Danielle is Sloan's "first" as she put it), and then she went and called someone and came back and said, "you went out with sloan huh?" and i said "yup" and then she told me how big of an asshole he was to her and to me and that i shouldn't worry about him because he's an asshole to all his girlfriend's eventually and an even bigger one after. i agreed halfheartedly. everyone has their problems and his unfortunately come out in relationships. and frankly i can tell he hurt her way worse than he hurt me since she actually talked to me about it; i am grateful for the time i had with him because i really learned what an ideal relationship is til all the bad stuff started going down...and also i am pretty much over it. it still hurts because i think it will hurt until i fall in love like that again, but in the meantime i'm having fun and meeting boys and making friends and filling up the hole with great things like catching frogs and taking walks and singing songs...not that that stuff fills the hole of a broken heart but it helps ease the mind a little bit (this was the longest run-on sentence ever)...
needless to say, i will be glad to get back to provo and leave all this junk behind me. it was really weird that she talked to me and it just made me start thinking about that stuff again and i've really been a good girl and not thought about it deeply for a long time. it's just a pity that he destroys so many girls like this. i hope he actually sits down sometime and thinks about the sadness and pain he's brought to people's lives. i mean, i'm lucky i'm a strong kid and can pull myself out, but others aren't so lucky.
but i'm done with this entry now i think. i've written a whole lot about nothing and i just don't like it.
<3<3<3>
lisa.
Last night I went to Brandon's. Normally I don't like seeing all those kids like Tanya Maureen Stiv Marlon etc. but last night it was actually really fun. Sean Megley was there and he still didn't remember my name. Chris Mabry was there and he wondered if I remembered him from high school (I did) and he told me I looked really good. I'm not sure if I can count that as a compliment when it comes from him. Teddybear (stiv) was really drunk and kept trying to freak with me, so I just told him he's hot cos he is. Then Danielle kept looking at me funny for like an hour or two (for those of you who don't know, Danielle is Sloan's "first" as she put it), and then she went and called someone and came back and said, "you went out with sloan huh?" and i said "yup" and then she told me how big of an asshole he was to her and to me and that i shouldn't worry about him because he's an asshole to all his girlfriend's eventually and an even bigger one after. i agreed halfheartedly. everyone has their problems and his unfortunately come out in relationships. and frankly i can tell he hurt her way worse than he hurt me since she actually talked to me about it; i am grateful for the time i had with him because i really learned what an ideal relationship is til all the bad stuff started going down...and also i am pretty much over it. it still hurts because i think it will hurt until i fall in love like that again, but in the meantime i'm having fun and meeting boys and making friends and filling up the hole with great things like catching frogs and taking walks and singing songs...not that that stuff fills the hole of a broken heart but it helps ease the mind a little bit (this was the longest run-on sentence ever)...
needless to say, i will be glad to get back to provo and leave all this junk behind me. it was really weird that she talked to me and it just made me start thinking about that stuff again and i've really been a good girl and not thought about it deeply for a long time. it's just a pity that he destroys so many girls like this. i hope he actually sits down sometime and thinks about the sadness and pain he's brought to people's lives. i mean, i'm lucky i'm a strong kid and can pull myself out, but others aren't so lucky.
but i'm done with this entry now i think. i've written a whole lot about nothing and i just don't like it.
<3<3<3>
lisa.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
The Moon
So.
Utah was a blast. I was really scurred to go just because I still hold some ill feelings with second semester, but my visit was great. I was only there for two days anyway... So the first day I just shopped all day--first in Park City and then Trolley Square and then Gateway. I got some great stuff at Anthropologie. That night Regan came up from AF and we played and it was really really fun. We always have fun.
Next day I went to Provo. Met up with Joe on campus and chilled for a bit, then to lunch with Scott, then to the Wilk to meet up with me mum so of course I saw Eddie because when is he not in the Wilk so we talked and I was hardly even nervous like normal and it was fun and he's still as dreamy as before...knew it. I have a random and embarrassing story about him and my little sister. But I don't wanna share it.
So it was a whirlwind trip but it was a blast and I'm glad I went and glad I had so much fun.
And I finally got a place to live...University Avenue Condos. Very nice place, Andrea and the girls living there, plus Chad my love. So it'll be grrrrrrrrrrr8.
Iono what else to say except I looked hottt at church today and AZN boi wasn't even there and Tom and Scott and their little friend Kristy went to the Lafayette Ward today and they didn't even tell me...Not that I care because I have more fun at the Singles Ward, but I guess I'm just sad that we're not really friends even though we're supposed to be??? I'm not sure. Perhaps I feel left out because they're hanging out with someone younger than me if ya can believe it, but most of all I think I really don't care...She has just said things to me about BYU Idaho and how it's a lame school, and although I really hold no allegiance to it, the things she's said are extremely rude and pretentious and immature, just things like, "I couldn't be friends with someone from BYU Idaho since I'm so much smarter than them since I got accepted into BYU and they didn't." THE NERVE! That's such a selfish and egotistical thing to say! Of course I'm also in the wrong for not defending it, but at least I didn't say that stuff in the first place.
I've almost completely stopped cussing. I'm glad. Glad glad glad.
This is the dumbest entry EVER.
I started painting again! I think I've already talked about this. But it's so therapeutic and it's great to have a brush in my hand again and I really like my work so far.
Plus, today is the most beautiful day ever. It's sunny and the breeze is blowing and it's just beauteeful. I love it.
And I love you ;)
Love, most sincerely,
Lisa Rue
Utah was a blast. I was really scurred to go just because I still hold some ill feelings with second semester, but my visit was great. I was only there for two days anyway... So the first day I just shopped all day--first in Park City and then Trolley Square and then Gateway. I got some great stuff at Anthropologie. That night Regan came up from AF and we played and it was really really fun. We always have fun.
Next day I went to Provo. Met up with Joe on campus and chilled for a bit, then to lunch with Scott, then to the Wilk to meet up with me mum so of course I saw Eddie because when is he not in the Wilk so we talked and I was hardly even nervous like normal and it was fun and he's still as dreamy as before...knew it. I have a random and embarrassing story about him and my little sister. But I don't wanna share it.
So it was a whirlwind trip but it was a blast and I'm glad I went and glad I had so much fun.
And I finally got a place to live...University Avenue Condos. Very nice place, Andrea and the girls living there, plus Chad my love. So it'll be grrrrrrrrrrr8.
Iono what else to say except I looked hottt at church today and AZN boi wasn't even there and Tom and Scott and their little friend Kristy went to the Lafayette Ward today and they didn't even tell me...Not that I care because I have more fun at the Singles Ward, but I guess I'm just sad that we're not really friends even though we're supposed to be??? I'm not sure. Perhaps I feel left out because they're hanging out with someone younger than me if ya can believe it, but most of all I think I really don't care...She has just said things to me about BYU Idaho and how it's a lame school, and although I really hold no allegiance to it, the things she's said are extremely rude and pretentious and immature, just things like, "I couldn't be friends with someone from BYU Idaho since I'm so much smarter than them since I got accepted into BYU and they didn't." THE NERVE! That's such a selfish and egotistical thing to say! Of course I'm also in the wrong for not defending it, but at least I didn't say that stuff in the first place.
I've almost completely stopped cussing. I'm glad. Glad glad glad.
This is the dumbest entry EVER.
I started painting again! I think I've already talked about this. But it's so therapeutic and it's great to have a brush in my hand again and I really like my work so far.
Plus, today is the most beautiful day ever. It's sunny and the breeze is blowing and it's just beauteeful. I love it.
And I love you ;)
Love, most sincerely,
Lisa Rue
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Like Foxes Through Fences
Do you ever come home at night feeling really stupid? Like maybe you did something, or didn't do something...maybe you said something that sounded super funny in your head but ended up being really rude, or maybe you kept saying you were going to talk to someone you thought was cute but never actually ended up talking to that person...
If you're anything like me you know what I'm talking about. For me it's the boy at church that I just can't seem to talk to, even though I walk by him alone four times each Sunday, or maybe you just love your best guy friend so much that the only way you know how to show him is by being mean to him and then you just fight all the time because maybe you both feel the same way or maybe you both really do hate each other...
I know there's something I can do about it. But it just hurts when I find out they all went to FHE and didn't call me even though I coulda called them first, or even when Azn boy was there they didn't call either...I mean, they know I like him even though I say I'm over him all the time...I don't really like him...
I end up acting like a big dumb baby all the time. I know where I stand on very few issues and my head feels like a rubix cube. I love him, I don't love him, I hate you, I don't hate you, we have nothing in common, we have everything in common, I'm going to talk to azn boi, I'm over azn boi...you see what i mean now huh...
Two things are for sure. I miss my friends is the first one, all of them, even the ones here in Walnut Creek since we never call each other anymore, and number two, I am talking to him this Sunday because it's not going to kill me and I'm not going to catch some horrible disease and I really can't make that bigga fool outta myself and even if I do which actually is possible knowing me I will just laugh it off like I always do because that's the type of girl I am, the I-don't-give-a-damn-what-anyone-thinks-of-me-as-long-as-I'm-happy girl. That's who I like.
It's funny that I'm only really happy like how I used to be before Sloan when I'm with him, that good ol' friend of mine, that one I fight with all the time allthetimeneverendingfightsandyellingandlove...
xoxo L
If you're anything like me you know what I'm talking about. For me it's the boy at church that I just can't seem to talk to, even though I walk by him alone four times each Sunday, or maybe you just love your best guy friend so much that the only way you know how to show him is by being mean to him and then you just fight all the time because maybe you both feel the same way or maybe you both really do hate each other...
I know there's something I can do about it. But it just hurts when I find out they all went to FHE and didn't call me even though I coulda called them first, or even when Azn boy was there they didn't call either...I mean, they know I like him even though I say I'm over him all the time...I don't really like him...
I end up acting like a big dumb baby all the time. I know where I stand on very few issues and my head feels like a rubix cube. I love him, I don't love him, I hate you, I don't hate you, we have nothing in common, we have everything in common, I'm going to talk to azn boi, I'm over azn boi...you see what i mean now huh...
Two things are for sure. I miss my friends is the first one, all of them, even the ones here in Walnut Creek since we never call each other anymore, and number two, I am talking to him this Sunday because it's not going to kill me and I'm not going to catch some horrible disease and I really can't make that bigga fool outta myself and even if I do which actually is possible knowing me I will just laugh it off like I always do because that's the type of girl I am, the I-don't-give-a-damn-what-anyone-thinks-of-me-as-long-as-I'm-happy girl. That's who I like.
It's funny that I'm only really happy like how I used to be before Sloan when I'm with him, that good ol' friend of mine, that one I fight with all the time allthetimeneverendingfightsandyellingandlove...
xoxo L
Monday, July 26, 2004
summer song
most of you don't know this, but my favourite colour is brown.
most of you do know this, and my most favorite person in the whole wide world is jorje buissons. j/k. most of ya'll prob don't know what that means anyway.
i am going to utah this week. can you believe it? i'm going just to go. it's soooooo dumb. but i guess i'm excited to see my friends who are there right now.
i have to go to work soon. i really don't wanna.
one month til i go back to school. it's crazy.
i made a pact with myself that i would talk to azn boi at church yesterday, and then i didn't. i had a good reason. maybe i'll tell ya later. all i know is that i don't care anymore because four weeks is not good enough to have a relationship in. short and sweet hurts like helllllllllllllllllllllll.
my blog entries are really dumb, aren't they?
i stopped drinking caffeine. sort of. i just had a coke. but i'm down to like, one or two a day, except today i might have to make it three because i haven't been sleeping at all lately.
my favorite song ever is called "outta reach" and it's by the band she. it's an amazing song. everyone dl it or listen to it somehow.
i'm going to utah!!
xoxo lisaloolaaleee............................mom is gone!! i miss her though...
and oh yeah. i got up late on saturday, like ten am, to find that my dog had been stolen! not really, she went to boot camp again, but i dint get to say goodbye and now i really really miss her. <3>
most of you do know this, and my most favorite person in the whole wide world is jorje buissons. j/k. most of ya'll prob don't know what that means anyway.
i am going to utah this week. can you believe it? i'm going just to go. it's soooooo dumb. but i guess i'm excited to see my friends who are there right now.
i have to go to work soon. i really don't wanna.
one month til i go back to school. it's crazy.
i made a pact with myself that i would talk to azn boi at church yesterday, and then i didn't. i had a good reason. maybe i'll tell ya later. all i know is that i don't care anymore because four weeks is not good enough to have a relationship in. short and sweet hurts like helllllllllllllllllllllll.
my blog entries are really dumb, aren't they?
i stopped drinking caffeine. sort of. i just had a coke. but i'm down to like, one or two a day, except today i might have to make it three because i haven't been sleeping at all lately.
my favorite song ever is called "outta reach" and it's by the band she. it's an amazing song. everyone dl it or listen to it somehow.
i'm going to utah!!
xoxo lisaloolaaleee............................mom is gone!! i miss her though...
and oh yeah. i got up late on saturday, like ten am, to find that my dog had been stolen! not really, she went to boot camp again, but i dint get to say goodbye and now i really really miss her. <3>
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
i'll stop the world i'll melt with you damnit
i can't stop won't stop don't stop the beat i c-c-c-can't control my feet....i can't stop cussin. little sissy keeps giving me the lectures bless her stinkin heart.
dad, kimba, rob, mike, kt going camping tomorrow yay! mom and me home alone. how will it go?! no one knows...it might be boring. and austin's going too.
last night i went to sf and it was sooooo fun. went to the pier and talked to jeffy, saw a dumb ol wannabe bushman (hella lame) then to chinatown and union square and through pacific heights and gg park and everywhere! it was sooooooo fun. got good stuff at chinatown asian wholesale liquidation flea market yayayayayy!
saw sloany pie pie at the rasputin's...no big deal except that i've avoided that place since i got back from school (yesterday was my first time since i've been back) and of course he's walking in as i'm walking out. he has a beard. i really like it. the irony's killing me.
three new cd's tonite..all microphones albums -- they are so chill.
i'm not making sense yo!
britt called today! and michelle! it was a wonderful day for BYU. and i got a letter from forest! yesssssssssssssssssssss
aight i'm out. it's only 11:34 but i'm so tired and i wanna go to fairfield tomorrow and see my darling michella bella.
btw i'm still in love with my asian boi michael <3<3<3 but that never changes. i obsess faster than you can say calvin klein and before you even realize i have a new obsession i'm over it. no complaints. it keeps me steady.....
love love love,
lisa
dad, kimba, rob, mike, kt going camping tomorrow yay! mom and me home alone. how will it go?! no one knows...it might be boring. and austin's going too.
last night i went to sf and it was sooooo fun. went to the pier and talked to jeffy, saw a dumb ol wannabe bushman (hella lame) then to chinatown and union square and through pacific heights and gg park and everywhere! it was sooooooo fun. got good stuff at chinatown asian wholesale liquidation flea market yayayayayy!
saw sloany pie pie at the rasputin's...no big deal except that i've avoided that place since i got back from school (yesterday was my first time since i've been back) and of course he's walking in as i'm walking out. he has a beard. i really like it. the irony's killing me.
three new cd's tonite..all microphones albums -- they are so chill.
i'm not making sense yo!
britt called today! and michelle! it was a wonderful day for BYU. and i got a letter from forest! yesssssssssssssssssssss
aight i'm out. it's only 11:34 but i'm so tired and i wanna go to fairfield tomorrow and see my darling michella bella.
btw i'm still in love with my asian boi michael <3<3<3 but that never changes. i obsess faster than you can say calvin klein and before you even realize i have a new obsession i'm over it. no complaints. it keeps me steady.....
love love love,
lisa
Sunday, July 11, 2004
solitaire
so my cousin's here from oregon. austin, age 14. what a whippersnapper. he's one of the coolest, funniest kids i've ever met.
me--working my arse off, as usual. spent a great day in the city yesterday for hannah's birthday. so much fun.
bad episode with the dog today....i can't stand her anymore.
going back to school in a month and a half or so. still have no place to live. still don't have my schedule figured out. damn it i just don't care, although i am getting more excited to go back and have a great year like i promised myself. i miss my friends. especially my oregon friends. <3
put bubbles in the il fornaio fountain for the first (and last) time last night with sam. soooooo fun.
went to the singles ward today for church--first time. fell in love with the only asian there. named michael. had on an amazing sweater vest.
free slurpees at 7-11 today so i'm out.......<3<3<3<3 lisa
me--working my arse off, as usual. spent a great day in the city yesterday for hannah's birthday. so much fun.
bad episode with the dog today....i can't stand her anymore.
going back to school in a month and a half or so. still have no place to live. still don't have my schedule figured out. damn it i just don't care, although i am getting more excited to go back and have a great year like i promised myself. i miss my friends. especially my oregon friends. <3
put bubbles in the il fornaio fountain for the first (and last) time last night with sam. soooooo fun.
went to the singles ward today for church--first time. fell in love with the only asian there. named michael. had on an amazing sweater vest.
free slurpees at 7-11 today so i'm out.......<3<3<3<3 lisa
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
I Ran (So Far Away)
Let's start with g-ma. she's coming home this week and she's really excited. i don't blame her. she's called john muir home for almost two months now, and frankly, i'm sick of the smell and the temperature in there. i'm excited for her.
next. went the sd/oc for the weekend. talk about a blast. here is the short version of a very long two-day trip. saturday, got to sd around 10:15 am. andrea picked me up. went to pancake house in poway with blake her bro and brittany. then to del mar to her family's house for like twenty minutes. then downtown sd for shopping and fun fun fun. san diego temple came next. amazing ice castle. y'all gotta see it. then was islands for dinner. back to del mar for half an hour or so as andrea put the final touches on forest's present. it's about 9:30 by this time. we decide to go up to brea even though we had no place to stay. ended up crashing on forest's floor in 638 s. poplar. mike was there, nick was there, lots of people were there. next morning, sunday. got up and got ready for church. cameron arrived. got to church. forest's talk was the bomb dot com. back to forest's for the big party. kicked it till about 4 with him and his fam and friends. phew. next was irvine with john garlock and 'rents and bob. then to the conneroy's seany's house for dinner. his mom's a superstar. said grace at the end of a stimulating dinner conversation. kicked it there til ten or so. baseball highlights with ted and jake. phew. then the hour and a half drive back to del mar. almost midnight now. hit the sack. then this morning...up at 7:30 to catch my 9:30 flight. boarded without a hitch.
it was the best weekend ever.
andrea's middle name isn't grace. she's doesn't even have one.
i don't have anything meaningful to say except that i love you guys and i love life damnit and i had a blast in brea which was a little disappointing i must admit but wonderful nevertheless. adam anthony is beautiful.
right now.......so tired i'm going to pass out. looked at cars tonite at the dub c toyota lot and the salesman was a dreamboat. i wanted to kiss his sweet, soft lips. but def not with mom and dad standing by.
i've been so sleep deprived these past few nights and i'm still going strong. i'm so hard.
xoxo lisa
p.s. okay normally i like weird food, but just as a warning, never ever eat at chow in lafayette because it is the worst restaurant i've ever been to after young's cafe in chinatown. PEACE.
next. went the sd/oc for the weekend. talk about a blast. here is the short version of a very long two-day trip. saturday, got to sd around 10:15 am. andrea picked me up. went to pancake house in poway with blake her bro and brittany. then to del mar to her family's house for like twenty minutes. then downtown sd for shopping and fun fun fun. san diego temple came next. amazing ice castle. y'all gotta see it. then was islands for dinner. back to del mar for half an hour or so as andrea put the final touches on forest's present. it's about 9:30 by this time. we decide to go up to brea even though we had no place to stay. ended up crashing on forest's floor in 638 s. poplar. mike was there, nick was there, lots of people were there. next morning, sunday. got up and got ready for church. cameron arrived. got to church. forest's talk was the bomb dot com. back to forest's for the big party. kicked it till about 4 with him and his fam and friends. phew. next was irvine with john garlock and 'rents and bob. then to the conneroy's seany's house for dinner. his mom's a superstar. said grace at the end of a stimulating dinner conversation. kicked it there til ten or so. baseball highlights with ted and jake. phew. then the hour and a half drive back to del mar. almost midnight now. hit the sack. then this morning...up at 7:30 to catch my 9:30 flight. boarded without a hitch.
it was the best weekend ever.
andrea's middle name isn't grace. she's doesn't even have one.
i don't have anything meaningful to say except that i love you guys and i love life damnit and i had a blast in brea which was a little disappointing i must admit but wonderful nevertheless. adam anthony is beautiful.
right now.......so tired i'm going to pass out. looked at cars tonite at the dub c toyota lot and the salesman was a dreamboat. i wanted to kiss his sweet, soft lips. but def not with mom and dad standing by.
i've been so sleep deprived these past few nights and i'm still going strong. i'm so hard.
xoxo lisa
p.s. okay normally i like weird food, but just as a warning, never ever eat at chow in lafayette because it is the worst restaurant i've ever been to after young's cafe in chinatown. PEACE.
Monday, June 21, 2004
have i told ya have i told ya
yo yo. i'm excited because i'm going to san diego/brea this weekend to see the peeps. it's gonna be tyyyyte.
nothing much is going on in l-town. i am working as usual, making the moolah. i got my hair cut and dyed a few weeks ago, but i'm really not liking it right now. it's being very disagreeable, so much so i want to chop it all off.
i think i may have finally found a place to live at school. it's this little yellow house near campus. i'd have three other roommates. it sounds like fun i think.
then comes classes. i still don't really know what i'm going to take, but i really want to take intro to women's studies so i can meet the weird chicks at BYU and maybe make some normal norcal friends. no offense ladies.
life is just good for the most part and i'm happy.
oh btw, i talked to perry last week! he's doing well but now he's in washington. he was in the airport in slc when he called me. so yeah. i miss him but he's better and getting help and that's what matters most.
much love,
miss lisa marie. xoxoxoxo
nothing much is going on in l-town. i am working as usual, making the moolah. i got my hair cut and dyed a few weeks ago, but i'm really not liking it right now. it's being very disagreeable, so much so i want to chop it all off.
i think i may have finally found a place to live at school. it's this little yellow house near campus. i'd have three other roommates. it sounds like fun i think.
then comes classes. i still don't really know what i'm going to take, but i really want to take intro to women's studies so i can meet the weird chicks at BYU and maybe make some normal norcal friends. no offense ladies.
life is just good for the most part and i'm happy.
oh btw, i talked to perry last week! he's doing well but now he's in washington. he was in the airport in slc when he called me. so yeah. i miss him but he's better and getting help and that's what matters most.
much love,
miss lisa marie. xoxoxoxo
Sunday, June 13, 2004
have you ever just sat and listened to a vacuum? like really listened. have you ever noticed the different hisses and whistles, and how it sputters like something's stuck, and how sometimes it's a gentle humming that could lull even the most discontented baby to sleep? it's just a barrage of white noise. almost like a shower. people sing to the vacuum just like they sing to the shower.
or do you ever remember memories that you never had at all? i'm explaining this poorly. what i mean is like, you envision yourself doing something, and it's a really great and fun time, but then you remember you're just making it up? i just did that. i'm listening to a really great mason jennings song, "beautiful man," and i could've sworn i was driving down some highway with someone singing that song with happy little smiles on our faces. but that one's not real.
i wish i were in chicago with eric and adam right now. they're poor but they're having so much fun. i mean that's really the life.
so this has been crazy lately.
i've had the stomach flu all weekend, which means my head's been in a toilet and i've slept for almost two days straight. it's been nice i guess. the fever's killing me though, and the strict diet of gatorade and soda crackers is really wearing on me.
ugh. i am tired of being home. like really.
so andrew and i went and saw mister loveless on friday. they were really good. but it was funny because obviously their whole crowd is las lomas people, and they were coming up to us asking us where they knew us from. it was weird. and sean megley didn't even remember my name and we sat next to each other in bremer's class all year last year. but sean megley, bless his heart...i'm not trippin.
why can't we all just be carefree again?
XOXO lisa
or do you ever remember memories that you never had at all? i'm explaining this poorly. what i mean is like, you envision yourself doing something, and it's a really great and fun time, but then you remember you're just making it up? i just did that. i'm listening to a really great mason jennings song, "beautiful man," and i could've sworn i was driving down some highway with someone singing that song with happy little smiles on our faces. but that one's not real.
i wish i were in chicago with eric and adam right now. they're poor but they're having so much fun. i mean that's really the life.
so this has been crazy lately.
i've had the stomach flu all weekend, which means my head's been in a toilet and i've slept for almost two days straight. it's been nice i guess. the fever's killing me though, and the strict diet of gatorade and soda crackers is really wearing on me.
ugh. i am tired of being home. like really.
so andrew and i went and saw mister loveless on friday. they were really good. but it was funny because obviously their whole crowd is las lomas people, and they were coming up to us asking us where they knew us from. it was weird. and sean megley didn't even remember my name and we sat next to each other in bremer's class all year last year. but sean megley, bless his heart...i'm not trippin.
why can't we all just be carefree again?
XOXO lisa
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Rejoicing in the Hands
Well, we moved g-ma out of the hospital yesterday to an assissted living place, just for a couple days so she could have her round-the-clock care, get used to walking again, take care of herself...
but i just got back from visiting her there and she's not doing so hot. paralysis in her right side. her speech is slurred and she's noticeably weak and pale. seems she's had a stroke. and the idiots there just took her vital signs and said nothing was wrong. what losers. i have no medical training whatsoever and i could tell there was something really wrong with her. she wasn't the same, wasn't happy ol' gramma doing her thang, happy to be away from the awful noises of John Muir.
the ambulance is on its way to her now and she'll be at JM within the hour.
kids, she's the only thing on my mind right now, so sorry if i'm a bit distant. it's hard not being able to do anything.
so frankly the story about how my dad was going to buy me a car yesterday if i hadn't been such a pain in the arse doesn't matter right now.
good luck on finals everyone.
but i just got back from visiting her there and she's not doing so hot. paralysis in her right side. her speech is slurred and she's noticeably weak and pale. seems she's had a stroke. and the idiots there just took her vital signs and said nothing was wrong. what losers. i have no medical training whatsoever and i could tell there was something really wrong with her. she wasn't the same, wasn't happy ol' gramma doing her thang, happy to be away from the awful noises of John Muir.
the ambulance is on its way to her now and she'll be at JM within the hour.
kids, she's the only thing on my mind right now, so sorry if i'm a bit distant. it's hard not being able to do anything.
so frankly the story about how my dad was going to buy me a car yesterday if i hadn't been such a pain in the arse doesn't matter right now.
good luck on finals everyone.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
why can't i be you
mmhmm i <3 u robert smith, you little fatling.
santa cruz yesterday = bomb dot com. i'd write more about it but it's just not worth it. it's impossible to immortalize such a great day in words.
camping this weekend...hella tyte yo! got sooooo sunburned, blisters all over the feet cos i wore VANS (i am SUCH an idiot!!) but it was so so so so fun. total blast.
gramma is doing better...sort of. still in the hospital. she just wants to go home so badly and i hate telling her "soon g-ma soon" when it could be a month before she gets out for all i know. i just love her so much. she has been such a strength to me my whole life, and the only reason why she's not quitting now is because she wants to be around for her grandkids. heck...i can't talk about this anymore. i get worked up and emotional and it's just not worth it when i have ab no control over it anyway.
my jeep is on its way to las vegas right now. daddy decided today that he would take that car to becky since hers is such a piece and get me a new one. who knows when the hell that's going to be. and in the meantime i have to drive, you guessed it, the ghetto-ass suburban. i am TOTALLY NOT EXCITED and it's covered in dog hair. oh and get this. i told my dad that becky should get the new car for now because she's never had the new car, and then i vacuum the jeep for her before my dad leaves with it, and then becky calls me complaining about how i'm getting the new car when I WANTED HER TO HAVE IT!!! hello captain spaz.
anyway i'm out because it's back to work all day tomorrow 7 to 1:30 then 2 to 6. then test driving mini coops because i want one sooooooo bad but prob an accord or camry! then ikea for the phat sale?? maybe...i HOPE so.
xoxo lisa
p.s. life is so great. phone booth boy is hott, and yesterday in sc i saw a guy that looked like perry in ten years. righteous.
p.p.s. i am really really tired and i love tyler nelson my sweetiepoo butterbiscuit arkarkark <333333
santa cruz yesterday = bomb dot com. i'd write more about it but it's just not worth it. it's impossible to immortalize such a great day in words.
camping this weekend...hella tyte yo! got sooooo sunburned, blisters all over the feet cos i wore VANS (i am SUCH an idiot!!) but it was so so so so fun. total blast.
gramma is doing better...sort of. still in the hospital. she just wants to go home so badly and i hate telling her "soon g-ma soon" when it could be a month before she gets out for all i know. i just love her so much. she has been such a strength to me my whole life, and the only reason why she's not quitting now is because she wants to be around for her grandkids. heck...i can't talk about this anymore. i get worked up and emotional and it's just not worth it when i have ab no control over it anyway.
my jeep is on its way to las vegas right now. daddy decided today that he would take that car to becky since hers is such a piece and get me a new one. who knows when the hell that's going to be. and in the meantime i have to drive, you guessed it, the ghetto-ass suburban. i am TOTALLY NOT EXCITED and it's covered in dog hair. oh and get this. i told my dad that becky should get the new car for now because she's never had the new car, and then i vacuum the jeep for her before my dad leaves with it, and then becky calls me complaining about how i'm getting the new car when I WANTED HER TO HAVE IT!!! hello captain spaz.
anyway i'm out because it's back to work all day tomorrow 7 to 1:30 then 2 to 6. then test driving mini coops because i want one sooooooo bad but prob an accord or camry! then ikea for the phat sale?? maybe...i HOPE so.
xoxo lisa
p.s. life is so great. phone booth boy is hott, and yesterday in sc i saw a guy that looked like perry in ten years. righteous.
p.p.s. i am really really tired and i love tyler nelson my sweetiepoo butterbiscuit arkarkark <333333
Thursday, May 27, 2004
apologizing
so....life has been very very busy.
working all day. getting home and going out with friends or crashing completely.
life is intense.
grandma's doing, well, not well. she took a turn for the worse today. that's all i really want to say about it. i kid myself into thinking i'm okay with it, but she is the last person i want to see go right now.
tyler called the other night as i was going to bed. he's going to vegas in a few weeks to see the beastie boys $2 Bill. hella tyte. i'm not huge beastie boyz fan or nuthin, but they'd be a blast to see. i love how he decides to start calling me all the time when i don't live in utah. so perfect.
okay so work was weird these past couple days. first i keep getting hit on at my morning job, like these men will drive by and say, "Finally! A beautiful woman to ease my eyes" or stupid shiznit like that. one of them actually said in a moment of pure idiocracy, "I'm captivated by your beauty." But, you know, I just smile my little half smile and look at them out of the corner of my eye and they tip me, so what if i'm a whore i don't care i'm making money babeh.
i am so out of it right now. i'm sure there's other stuff i wanted to say but i can't think straight.
i'm going camping this weekend...maybe...if i feel like to tomorrow. we'll see.
i hate my dog. she destroyed all my childhood stuffed animals. ima kill 'er.
thanks for kicking my hometeam's ass sox. i love yas <3<3<3<3 johnny damon let's run away together forever and love each other in the outfield arkarkark
working all day. getting home and going out with friends or crashing completely.
life is intense.
grandma's doing, well, not well. she took a turn for the worse today. that's all i really want to say about it. i kid myself into thinking i'm okay with it, but she is the last person i want to see go right now.
tyler called the other night as i was going to bed. he's going to vegas in a few weeks to see the beastie boys $2 Bill. hella tyte. i'm not huge beastie boyz fan or nuthin, but they'd be a blast to see. i love how he decides to start calling me all the time when i don't live in utah. so perfect.
okay so work was weird these past couple days. first i keep getting hit on at my morning job, like these men will drive by and say, "Finally! A beautiful woman to ease my eyes" or stupid shiznit like that. one of them actually said in a moment of pure idiocracy, "I'm captivated by your beauty." But, you know, I just smile my little half smile and look at them out of the corner of my eye and they tip me, so what if i'm a whore i don't care i'm making money babeh.
i am so out of it right now. i'm sure there's other stuff i wanted to say but i can't think straight.
i'm going camping this weekend...maybe...if i feel like to tomorrow. we'll see.
i hate my dog. she destroyed all my childhood stuffed animals. ima kill 'er.
thanks for kicking my hometeam's ass sox. i love yas <3<3<3<3 johnny damon let's run away together forever and love each other in the outfield arkarkark
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
and i'm pissed because my dad keeps taking my car to run stupid errands, and using my gas which is not cheap i might add, and bringing my fatty dog that i love so much with him so now my poor jeep smells like dog and has her fur all over it.
could life get worse?
(ummm babycakes you're being a real jackass to me right now and you won't even tell me why)
could life get worse?
(ummm babycakes you're being a real jackass to me right now and you won't even tell me why)
Another Lonely Day
Today was a weird day. Woke up still really sick so I called in sick to work but had to go in for a few hours anyway. That sucked. But I got to go home and lay around, so that rocked.
Then I went to the florist and worked. That was good because I made my first tips ever...six dollars total. Won't buy me much, but any tip is appreciated.
Supposed to get off at six, didn't get off til seven thirty. Not bummed because time flew by.
Got home. My grandma, my nice grandma, the one that winks at you and sparkles her eyes instead of saying "Hello" or "I love you," the one that gives you Nillas in a ziplock bag with one for the road, the one who wrapped your presents so tightly and perfectly at holidays you didn't want to open them even though you knew something so magical and marvelous was just under that millimeter's width of paper...that grandma...went into the hospital today. She might have stomach cancer. She might die.
My grandpa died four years ago this September, and Grandma's been telling her friends that she would live for four years after his death and that was it. Four years is four months away.
So I'm trying not to get down about it, because after all, she's lived one unbeatable life. But she is my grandma, and she loves me and I love her, and talking to her and visiting with her last Thursday, bringing her roses, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Not because she's boring or because I don't like being with her. Because she could hardly form a sentence, and she's so thin her skin seems transparent. Because she doesn't eat and can't walk and is too weak to get up. Because that gem in her eye is fainter than I've ever seen it, and I'm just not ready to see my grandma go.
But at least she'd be happy, you know?
Then I went to the florist and worked. That was good because I made my first tips ever...six dollars total. Won't buy me much, but any tip is appreciated.
Supposed to get off at six, didn't get off til seven thirty. Not bummed because time flew by.
Got home. My grandma, my nice grandma, the one that winks at you and sparkles her eyes instead of saying "Hello" or "I love you," the one that gives you Nillas in a ziplock bag with one for the road, the one who wrapped your presents so tightly and perfectly at holidays you didn't want to open them even though you knew something so magical and marvelous was just under that millimeter's width of paper...that grandma...went into the hospital today. She might have stomach cancer. She might die.
My grandpa died four years ago this September, and Grandma's been telling her friends that she would live for four years after his death and that was it. Four years is four months away.
So I'm trying not to get down about it, because after all, she's lived one unbeatable life. But she is my grandma, and she loves me and I love her, and talking to her and visiting with her last Thursday, bringing her roses, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Not because she's boring or because I don't like being with her. Because she could hardly form a sentence, and she's so thin her skin seems transparent. Because she doesn't eat and can't walk and is too weak to get up. Because that gem in her eye is fainter than I've ever seen it, and I'm just not ready to see my grandma go.
But at least she'd be happy, you know?
Monday, May 24, 2004
I Only Have Eyes For You
Today was a good day, I guess.
I've been really sick so I slept in late, woke up late and spent my day in bed watching the '80s movie marathon on AMC. "Satisfaction," "Lucas," "The Breakfast Club," and "Sixteen Candles." So all in all it was a very lazy day, but I haven't had one of those in a long time. I deserved it.
Work is taking its toll already. I'm working ten and a half hours almost every day. Six and a half with the parking and four or more with the florist. So the parking job rocked at first because I could just read all day, but I'm growing bored of it. Two more weeks, sure, but I really don't think I can make it. Plus it starts at 7 freakin' AM every morning, and seeing as how I could barely make it to 2 PM class on time at school, 7 AM is quite the crisis. Now the florist--best job ever. Mary Fu came in and applied the other day and barely even talked to me, not that I give a darn but really Mary, you were rude.
Tyler, let's run away together right now. I am just so in love with you sometimes. I have never met anyone I can sing Frank Sinatra with in class, in the car, and on the phone. You are just too much for me to handle I love you so much.
I miss you Richard Perry.
Last but not least, Pipkin called me tonight and for those of you who don't know Pip which is most of you, he is the sweetest, kindest, cuddliest old bear on the planet and i love him and miss him dearly. he is a friend from school and i could just be happy with him and his happy little chuckle forever.
paaaaaace out lovers.
xoxo LLLLIIIISSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I've been really sick so I slept in late, woke up late and spent my day in bed watching the '80s movie marathon on AMC. "Satisfaction," "Lucas," "The Breakfast Club," and "Sixteen Candles." So all in all it was a very lazy day, but I haven't had one of those in a long time. I deserved it.
Work is taking its toll already. I'm working ten and a half hours almost every day. Six and a half with the parking and four or more with the florist. So the parking job rocked at first because I could just read all day, but I'm growing bored of it. Two more weeks, sure, but I really don't think I can make it. Plus it starts at 7 freakin' AM every morning, and seeing as how I could barely make it to 2 PM class on time at school, 7 AM is quite the crisis. Now the florist--best job ever. Mary Fu came in and applied the other day and barely even talked to me, not that I give a darn but really Mary, you were rude.
Tyler, let's run away together right now. I am just so in love with you sometimes. I have never met anyone I can sing Frank Sinatra with in class, in the car, and on the phone. You are just too much for me to handle I love you so much.
I miss you Richard Perry.
Last but not least, Pipkin called me tonight and for those of you who don't know Pip which is most of you, he is the sweetest, kindest, cuddliest old bear on the planet and i love him and miss him dearly. he is a friend from school and i could just be happy with him and his happy little chuckle forever.
paaaaaace out lovers.
xoxo LLLLIIIISSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sunday, May 16, 2004
you can dance if you want toooooooooooo
i just listened to the worst cover ever thank you.....melvins covering smells like teen spirit. hollah--please, the melvins are a semi-respectable grunge band and here they are making fools of themselves covering one of the most uncoverable songs of all time. BiG mIsTaKe.
i wanna go for a walk on my favorite huck finn trail. i will take you all sometime on a glorious walk through tilden park on the best trail ever. it is full of surprises like chocolate wood and rare flowers of grandeur and beautiful green leaves. teehee.
let me take a minute to brag about how much money i made in one week. 600 dollars. yep, that's right. in one week i made 600 dollars. i really can't tell you how i did it--it was very very lucky--but that's about one-eighth of the money i need for skool next year.
have i mentioned i still don't have a place to live next year? do i wanna go back to the pro? no, no, i don't. that's the hard part. i am so wishwashy on that one. don't wanna go back, don't wanna stay here, don't wanna do anything really 'cept lay on the beach and get a sunburn and tell kate the roommate that i miss her and walk barefoot through the street singing songs and dancing to men at work in my head.
i am starting work tomorrow at the parking place. as far as i know i'm getting paid 8 lame dollars an hour (what the junk yo?!) so frankly that job won't be lasting too long unless they supply a little mo' cash money.
i watched better off dead yesterday. lisa marie cusack. lisa ruefenacht cusack. lisa cusack. i don't like it. i love john cusack. i knew a guy at school (scott) from oregon who looked exactly like john cusack, so of course i crushed on him all year.
i need something to obsess over for a while. obsessing over a guy is out because there are no boyz i like here, bummer, except for my boy chris but that could get a little weird considering our parents are good friends and we are good friends.......none of that. suggestions are welcome peeps.
and a word to the wise--christina i shoulda come to santa cruz last night even though i was so wiped out...it woulda been "good times" or "a ball" or "a night to remember" or "a memory that lasted lifetimes."
this entry is really fake.
i wanna go for a walk on my favorite huck finn trail. i will take you all sometime on a glorious walk through tilden park on the best trail ever. it is full of surprises like chocolate wood and rare flowers of grandeur and beautiful green leaves. teehee.
let me take a minute to brag about how much money i made in one week. 600 dollars. yep, that's right. in one week i made 600 dollars. i really can't tell you how i did it--it was very very lucky--but that's about one-eighth of the money i need for skool next year.
have i mentioned i still don't have a place to live next year? do i wanna go back to the pro? no, no, i don't. that's the hard part. i am so wishwashy on that one. don't wanna go back, don't wanna stay here, don't wanna do anything really 'cept lay on the beach and get a sunburn and tell kate the roommate that i miss her and walk barefoot through the street singing songs and dancing to men at work in my head.
i am starting work tomorrow at the parking place. as far as i know i'm getting paid 8 lame dollars an hour (what the junk yo?!) so frankly that job won't be lasting too long unless they supply a little mo' cash money.
i watched better off dead yesterday. lisa marie cusack. lisa ruefenacht cusack. lisa cusack. i don't like it. i love john cusack. i knew a guy at school (scott) from oregon who looked exactly like john cusack, so of course i crushed on him all year.
i need something to obsess over for a while. obsessing over a guy is out because there are no boyz i like here, bummer, except for my boy chris but that could get a little weird considering our parents are good friends and we are good friends.......none of that. suggestions are welcome peeps.
and a word to the wise--christina i shoulda come to santa cruz last night even though i was so wiped out...it woulda been "good times" or "a ball" or "a night to remember" or "a memory that lasted lifetimes."
this entry is really fake.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Break Me Gently
Name: Lisa Ruefenacht
Favorite color: brown
Favorite city: Frisco
Favorite food: tofu pad si iu
Favorite video game: TMNT
Favorite band: currently manitoba, tomorrow the doves, thursday the jasmine minks
Favorite pasttime: taking walks with friends
Favorite memory: ------- don't wanna talk about it, it hurts too much yo
Favorite season: indifferent but i hate snow
Have I mentioned i might work in sf? way excited. too excited.
tyler called tonight, just to talk.
he left a voice mail because i was downstairs and didn't hear my phone.
i didn't call back.
he is a funny guy.
tyler!
bedtime for me. i am sleepy.
<3
bless your heart perry richard. i miss you.
Favorite color: brown
Favorite city: Frisco
Favorite food: tofu pad si iu
Favorite video game: TMNT
Favorite band: currently manitoba, tomorrow the doves, thursday the jasmine minks
Favorite pasttime: taking walks with friends
Favorite memory: ------- don't wanna talk about it, it hurts too much yo
Favorite season: indifferent but i hate snow
Have I mentioned i might work in sf? way excited. too excited.
tyler called tonight, just to talk.
he left a voice mail because i was downstairs and didn't hear my phone.
i didn't call back.
he is a funny guy.
tyler!
bedtime for me. i am sleepy.
<3
bless your heart perry richard. i miss you.
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