I opened this window thinking I'd write something really insightful and meaningful, but really. The only thing I have to say is I am happy. Genuinely happy. For the first time in a very very very long long time.
I've fought with my parents so much this week. We just seem to fight all the time. It's crazy. But tonight I realized life's just too short to fight all the time. They could die tomorrow, for all I know.
My parents hate one of my best friends. I don't care. Life's too short to care about that. My ditching this best friend could possibly send them into a spiral of depression or suicide. So that's drastic, but really, nothing is too far-fetched these days. Life's too short to let others destroy your love for friends, family, strangers, anyone.
I went to Santa Cruz today and had the best day I've had in a long time. I saw my friends. I breathed the fresh air. I had a great day and helped other people have a great day too. I helped a best friend and his mom clear up some issues.
I talked to an old friend about life. He really made me realize that life is just too short. Too short to let my parents bother me, too short to let love consume me, too short to let unresolved things stay unresolved...
I closed a chapter of my life tonight.
I haven't felt this good in a long time.
BYU...four months. We're going to make it a great year.
Coachella...two days. Nick my love, I will see you there.
Hahahaha. No joke. I am laughing out loud for no reason. Right now.
I love you.
Love,
Lisa.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Sunday, April 25, 2004
As Time Goes By
Yeeah. Walnut Creek. Yay. Not so much. I feel really awkward here. Alex and I had burritos on Friday; that was fun. That night I went to a recital for Emily and we went to Fenton's after and kicked it in Berkeley for a bit. That was fun too. Yesterday I went to SF with the fam. Fort Point, Golden Gate, House of Nanking for the best Chinese food in the world, and imagine my surprise when Mr. Sean Conroy calls and says he's in SF. Crazy. So we met up and went to Haight. I haven't been there since winter break so it was tyte. So many people there though. It was intense. So we got lost on the Muni too. Well, not really lost, but Sean wanted to take the J back to Powell instead of the N, so we did, and then we realized the J wasn't going back to Powell when we finally got to the end of the line and the conductor guy told us we had to get off..umm yeah. It was an adventure though.
Sean got a white Members Only jacket with a gun on it at The Wasteland!!! Wow!!! Very styling. Snazzy. OuT oF cOnTrOl!!!!
Got home from SF around 9:30, then Celeste my darling called. So I got in a HUGE fight with my parents, once again, over whether I could go out. You see, my room was covered in all my clothes that I brought home because I just decided to dump out my ten suitcases on the floor so I could at least get the suitcases out of the way. Good idea, yeah? No. I've been wading through a sea of clothes for the past 3 days. They told me I could go out again if I got the clothes hung up because I promised them that morning that I would before the day was over, so I frantically run through the house looking for hangers. I used all the ones I found and told my parents I could do no more. My dad just looked at me and said, "Get your room clean," even when I'd done all I could. What the junk?! Anyway, we went out a little bit later, Mel's (yay!) and then Perry called so we went over to his house and kicked it for a bit with he and Rob. Then we decided to find a party so we went to the pub, but the band was so bad we left. Then I called a Sean but the party he was at was a birthday party so that sucked. The night was a bit of a bust, but we all still had fun.
And today. I woke up early this morning with an awful stomachache, so I got up and...you guessed it...threw up. I've been sleeping since. Missed church which isn't so sad but I want to see people there and I won't be there next week either because of Coachella. Oh well I guess. I can go two more weeks.
I love Frank Sinatra. He really is great.
This is the most boring blog entry of all time. Like I'm bored writing it. Life is at a bit of a standstill right now. I'm just home from school, no job yet, no real purpose in being here. And I'm kind of hungry but I really don't want to eat and throw up again. And my room is really really hot right now. And all my family's coming over tonight for dinner to see Becky and Brandon. Yeeeeah. This is what I'd like to call HELL ON EARTH; however, hell on earth is mildly entertaining, mostly because it shows me how not to be when I have in-laws and all that. I am not looking forward to it.
A n y w a y, Ima go take a bath or something lazy. Aight......peace.
xoxo Lisa
p.s. i am more excited for coachella now. bling bling.
Sean got a white Members Only jacket with a gun on it at The Wasteland!!! Wow!!! Very styling. Snazzy. OuT oF cOnTrOl!!!!
Got home from SF around 9:30, then Celeste my darling called. So I got in a HUGE fight with my parents, once again, over whether I could go out. You see, my room was covered in all my clothes that I brought home because I just decided to dump out my ten suitcases on the floor so I could at least get the suitcases out of the way. Good idea, yeah? No. I've been wading through a sea of clothes for the past 3 days. They told me I could go out again if I got the clothes hung up because I promised them that morning that I would before the day was over, so I frantically run through the house looking for hangers. I used all the ones I found and told my parents I could do no more. My dad just looked at me and said, "Get your room clean," even when I'd done all I could. What the junk?! Anyway, we went out a little bit later, Mel's (yay!) and then Perry called so we went over to his house and kicked it for a bit with he and Rob. Then we decided to find a party so we went to the pub, but the band was so bad we left. Then I called a Sean but the party he was at was a birthday party so that sucked. The night was a bit of a bust, but we all still had fun.
And today. I woke up early this morning with an awful stomachache, so I got up and...you guessed it...threw up. I've been sleeping since. Missed church which isn't so sad but I want to see people there and I won't be there next week either because of Coachella. Oh well I guess. I can go two more weeks.
I love Frank Sinatra. He really is great.
This is the most boring blog entry of all time. Like I'm bored writing it. Life is at a bit of a standstill right now. I'm just home from school, no job yet, no real purpose in being here. And I'm kind of hungry but I really don't want to eat and throw up again. And my room is really really hot right now. And all my family's coming over tonight for dinner to see Becky and Brandon. Yeeeeah. This is what I'd like to call HELL ON EARTH; however, hell on earth is mildly entertaining, mostly because it shows me how not to be when I have in-laws and all that. I am not looking forward to it.
A n y w a y, Ima go take a bath or something lazy. Aight......peace.
xoxo Lisa
p.s. i am more excited for coachella now. bling bling.
Friday, April 23, 2004
I'll Be There
My comp's still on Provo time.
I'm back in cali--9 hours--already been lectured twice. twice in nine hours. that's got to be mental abuse or something. can i sue? not yet. let's wait another half hour. i'm delirious. soooo tired. WAIT WAIT!!!!!!!! LECTURE NUMBER THREE JUST WENT DOWN!!! THREE LECTURES IN NINE HOURS...........no way. I can die now. I can honestly die happy.
Anyway...home is rough already. I had plans with perry the slugger tonight and jeffie the ballah and sorry dad i forgot to tell ya but you know what i'm used to just being able to get up off my arse and do whatever i want without telling the 'rents or the roomie or whoever about where i'm going and when i'll be back. my mom told me 1 am curfew. 1 frickin' am. that's nothing. a weekend curfew of 1 am is before i'd come home most weeknights. some weekends i wouldn't even GO OUT til 1 am. who are they kidding?
i miss provo. i miss my friends. i miss seeing the familiar faces. i miss the feeling. i miss utah. holy crap i just said i miss utah. well.......i do. i love my friends here and i'm so happy to see you guys you don't even know, but frankly i'm so used to life without you i'm going through shock being with you.
being away just kicks. i dont have to deal with my problems back here so much more. i've been able to bury so many things and being back just digs up the graves. but i'll deal. it's all i can do at this point.
Coachella. One week. i'm not excited. i think something's wrong with me. or maybe it's that it still feels surreal. who cares.
do i write about things no one cares about on here? do people enjoy this? does someone i dont know read this, because if there is someone i dont know who reads this, that's totally cool, you should talk to me. AIM- lisaloo92. i can't believe i just put my aim in there. i might as well have put my celli in there too. SALE FONE. hollah wanna be a ballah rock and roll stallah. alright alright alright alright alrihgt alirhgtihalihiej; omg i'm going crazy. i want to go to bed but i cant. i never sleep anymore. last week i was sleeping 11 hours a night, now i'm sleeping 3 tops.
okay my day. let's talk about sumthing now. my day. got up, dressing routine, airport, flight home, perry called and made me smile and laugh, home, went and saw perry and accidentally someone else, picked up robo from skool, home, missed some calls, went test driving with mom and becky (might get a scion pimp dawg!), robo from sax lessons, home, dinner with fam, kicked it with perry and jeff, went for a drive, now i'm home tlaking on the phone listening to a drone i'm rhyming make me stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.
hannah i will come to sc soon i promise!
this is a long entry but i'm bored and i could really care less.
for a long time i didn't write about certain things on this blog in great detail because it is rather public, but really, what do i care? i'm so open if you asked me about things i'd tell you anyway. this whole semester things with sloan have been bugging me. obviously, we broke up. while i was in utah this was fine because a relationship was a bit impossible and undeniably pointless considering the distance. but now i'm home. i dont know what i want to do about it. if i even want to do something about it. fact is, we cant and wont get back together. in an ideal world i guess we would but in an ideal world we wouldn't have any challenges so there you go. i dont want to get back together frankly. it was great while it lasted those whole two weeks of winter break but really...who are we kidding. the thing is: i dont know why i'm still so torn about it. we dont talk anymore really, i doubt we'll ever be friends at this point ( i saw him walking today out by EMP and my heart flipped out--i dont know why i do this either), i have no idea how he feels, does he want to be friends? does he want to know how i'm doing anymore? does he still care about me because hell i care about him. the whole deal just bothers me and i can't figure out why despite my efforts to. lack of closure perhaps, or the ambiguous future surrounding it, or both. i will be honest. sometimes i want to talk to him so badly. like something great will happen and i just want to tell him and only him because he was one of my best friends and i know that he will appreciate the story or whatever it is i want to tell him more than anyone else. but then i smile and sigh and remember "oh yeah. sloan hates you now" or whatever.
all i know is that i've found a great deal of self-control lately, and i've been able to overcome a lot of thoughts and emotions in the last little while using self-control alone. maybe that's all i need in this case too.
and as a disclaimer: i would like to say that i don't think about this very much, really only when i'm going to sleep, which might be why i can't get to sleep. but really, that's all.
love to all my playas in the pro. miss you. love you.
L.
I'm back in cali--9 hours--already been lectured twice. twice in nine hours. that's got to be mental abuse or something. can i sue? not yet. let's wait another half hour. i'm delirious. soooo tired. WAIT WAIT!!!!!!!! LECTURE NUMBER THREE JUST WENT DOWN!!! THREE LECTURES IN NINE HOURS...........no way. I can die now. I can honestly die happy.
Anyway...home is rough already. I had plans with perry the slugger tonight and jeffie the ballah and sorry dad i forgot to tell ya but you know what i'm used to just being able to get up off my arse and do whatever i want without telling the 'rents or the roomie or whoever about where i'm going and when i'll be back. my mom told me 1 am curfew. 1 frickin' am. that's nothing. a weekend curfew of 1 am is before i'd come home most weeknights. some weekends i wouldn't even GO OUT til 1 am. who are they kidding?
i miss provo. i miss my friends. i miss seeing the familiar faces. i miss the feeling. i miss utah. holy crap i just said i miss utah. well.......i do. i love my friends here and i'm so happy to see you guys you don't even know, but frankly i'm so used to life without you i'm going through shock being with you.
being away just kicks. i dont have to deal with my problems back here so much more. i've been able to bury so many things and being back just digs up the graves. but i'll deal. it's all i can do at this point.
Coachella. One week. i'm not excited. i think something's wrong with me. or maybe it's that it still feels surreal. who cares.
do i write about things no one cares about on here? do people enjoy this? does someone i dont know read this, because if there is someone i dont know who reads this, that's totally cool, you should talk to me. AIM- lisaloo92. i can't believe i just put my aim in there. i might as well have put my celli in there too. SALE FONE. hollah wanna be a ballah rock and roll stallah. alright alright alright alright alrihgt alirhgtihalihiej; omg i'm going crazy. i want to go to bed but i cant. i never sleep anymore. last week i was sleeping 11 hours a night, now i'm sleeping 3 tops.
okay my day. let's talk about sumthing now. my day. got up, dressing routine, airport, flight home, perry called and made me smile and laugh, home, went and saw perry and accidentally someone else, picked up robo from skool, home, missed some calls, went test driving with mom and becky (might get a scion pimp dawg!), robo from sax lessons, home, dinner with fam, kicked it with perry and jeff, went for a drive, now i'm home tlaking on the phone listening to a drone i'm rhyming make me stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.
hannah i will come to sc soon i promise!
this is a long entry but i'm bored and i could really care less.
for a long time i didn't write about certain things on this blog in great detail because it is rather public, but really, what do i care? i'm so open if you asked me about things i'd tell you anyway. this whole semester things with sloan have been bugging me. obviously, we broke up. while i was in utah this was fine because a relationship was a bit impossible and undeniably pointless considering the distance. but now i'm home. i dont know what i want to do about it. if i even want to do something about it. fact is, we cant and wont get back together. in an ideal world i guess we would but in an ideal world we wouldn't have any challenges so there you go. i dont want to get back together frankly. it was great while it lasted those whole two weeks of winter break but really...who are we kidding. the thing is: i dont know why i'm still so torn about it. we dont talk anymore really, i doubt we'll ever be friends at this point ( i saw him walking today out by EMP and my heart flipped out--i dont know why i do this either), i have no idea how he feels, does he want to be friends? does he want to know how i'm doing anymore? does he still care about me because hell i care about him. the whole deal just bothers me and i can't figure out why despite my efforts to. lack of closure perhaps, or the ambiguous future surrounding it, or both. i will be honest. sometimes i want to talk to him so badly. like something great will happen and i just want to tell him and only him because he was one of my best friends and i know that he will appreciate the story or whatever it is i want to tell him more than anyone else. but then i smile and sigh and remember "oh yeah. sloan hates you now" or whatever.
all i know is that i've found a great deal of self-control lately, and i've been able to overcome a lot of thoughts and emotions in the last little while using self-control alone. maybe that's all i need in this case too.
and as a disclaimer: i would like to say that i don't think about this very much, really only when i'm going to sleep, which might be why i can't get to sleep. but really, that's all.
love to all my playas in the pro. miss you. love you.
L.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars
What would the world be like without Stan Getz? Really, what would it be like? We'd have no music to dance under the stars to, no music to drive to, no music to be miserably happy to. I'm in love with the mystique, the informality, the sexiness, the character of his music.
Six days. Six days and I'm back in Walnut Creek. Six days and school is over and I'm back to my old life. I don't know if I still want it. I don't know what life I want.
No one ever tells you college is hard. People only talk about how much fun you'll have, about the time they jumped naked into the fountain in the middle of campus, or when they painted the rival school their own school's colors the weekend of the Big Game. But I'll be honest. College is hard. Rather, moving away from home is hard. You're constantly struggling for independence from your parents, always fighting homesickness, endlessly meeting new people and gathering friends and feeling utterly alone...it's an endless cycle. It's rad, don't get me wrong. I know why people say these are the best years of your life. Only in college can you sleep until 4 in the afternoon, shrug off all responsibilities except for taking care of yourself, "forget" to call your mother who's worrying her heart out, wear all those funky clothes you were too embarrassed to wear in high school, stay out all night even though you have three papers due and a test the next day. College....IS.....AWESOME.
Maybe that's what makes it so great. The lack of caring, the amount of growth. I need to vary my sentence structure more, but it's a blog entry, so who really cares? And I'm in college. I'm not aiming to please.
Just enjoy life a little bit more. Take more walks, both at night and during the day. Eat one piece of candy a day. Buy yourself a new shirt even if you don't have the money. Just have fun. Just have fun and love other people.
I used to love life and I think that's why I loved people so much. I don't know what happened. I'm on the track back there though.
But okay. 12:21 AM and I'm super tired. I've been up for twelve hours...barely. One's day is supposed to be 8 hours work, 8 hours play, and 8 hours sleep. Mine's more like 12 hours work, 12 hours sleep. But I'm down with that. Sleep rocks.
And so do you.
Much love,
Lisa Marie.
Six days. Six days and I'm back in Walnut Creek. Six days and school is over and I'm back to my old life. I don't know if I still want it. I don't know what life I want.
No one ever tells you college is hard. People only talk about how much fun you'll have, about the time they jumped naked into the fountain in the middle of campus, or when they painted the rival school their own school's colors the weekend of the Big Game. But I'll be honest. College is hard. Rather, moving away from home is hard. You're constantly struggling for independence from your parents, always fighting homesickness, endlessly meeting new people and gathering friends and feeling utterly alone...it's an endless cycle. It's rad, don't get me wrong. I know why people say these are the best years of your life. Only in college can you sleep until 4 in the afternoon, shrug off all responsibilities except for taking care of yourself, "forget" to call your mother who's worrying her heart out, wear all those funky clothes you were too embarrassed to wear in high school, stay out all night even though you have three papers due and a test the next day. College....IS.....AWESOME.
Maybe that's what makes it so great. The lack of caring, the amount of growth. I need to vary my sentence structure more, but it's a blog entry, so who really cares? And I'm in college. I'm not aiming to please.
Just enjoy life a little bit more. Take more walks, both at night and during the day. Eat one piece of candy a day. Buy yourself a new shirt even if you don't have the money. Just have fun. Just have fun and love other people.
I used to love life and I think that's why I loved people so much. I don't know what happened. I'm on the track back there though.
But okay. 12:21 AM and I'm super tired. I've been up for twelve hours...barely. One's day is supposed to be 8 hours work, 8 hours play, and 8 hours sleep. Mine's more like 12 hours work, 12 hours sleep. But I'm down with that. Sleep rocks.
And so do you.
Much love,
Lisa Marie.
Monday, April 12, 2004
Voodoo Wop
I can't decide what I want to listen to, so I'm listening to clinic, the most random band in the world. But i love clinic, so there we go.
i am so so so so tired. i went to vegas this weekend--such a blast. becky and brandon got engaged (finally) and i kicked with dane and taylor most of the time. fun kids. we stole street signs in their golf cart. they honestly just make me laugh so hard, almost as much as becky who laughs at everything bless her heart.
next year--i still don't have a place to live and i'm procrastinating a lot about it. i think it's because i don't really want to come back here.
my mom cried to me on the phone today. it scared me because she doesn't cry. she feels like she's screwed me up somehow, like the way i feel is partly her fault. well, it is. partly. and frankly i know how to take care of myself now and i can handle it. but it made me sad that she cried over it. sobbed. bawled. wailed even.
tomorrow is a busy day. studying, test, meeting with spencer, appointment with doctor bekker, class, class, class, choir rehearsal, choir performance, studying, party, studying, bed. busy day. busy frickin day.
i looked hot today. brown pinstriped blazer, pink button up blouse, levis, silver slippers with the little sequin stuff on them, retro sunglasses. baby baby...i looked like a rock star. word.
see here, i need to go to bed now. i should. i want to. but i can't. so love you all. have fun.
and all you cali peeps.........i miss you too. we'll be back together soon.
xoxo lisa
i am so so so so tired. i went to vegas this weekend--such a blast. becky and brandon got engaged (finally) and i kicked with dane and taylor most of the time. fun kids. we stole street signs in their golf cart. they honestly just make me laugh so hard, almost as much as becky who laughs at everything bless her heart.
next year--i still don't have a place to live and i'm procrastinating a lot about it. i think it's because i don't really want to come back here.
my mom cried to me on the phone today. it scared me because she doesn't cry. she feels like she's screwed me up somehow, like the way i feel is partly her fault. well, it is. partly. and frankly i know how to take care of myself now and i can handle it. but it made me sad that she cried over it. sobbed. bawled. wailed even.
tomorrow is a busy day. studying, test, meeting with spencer, appointment with doctor bekker, class, class, class, choir rehearsal, choir performance, studying, party, studying, bed. busy day. busy frickin day.
i looked hot today. brown pinstriped blazer, pink button up blouse, levis, silver slippers with the little sequin stuff on them, retro sunglasses. baby baby...i looked like a rock star. word.
see here, i need to go to bed now. i should. i want to. but i can't. so love you all. have fun.
and all you cali peeps.........i miss you too. we'll be back together soon.
xoxo lisa
Friday, April 09, 2004
wild eyed boy from freecloud
This is Alex's favorite song.
I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. Today. w00t? I kinda promised my sister I would, and I'd say the night before is a little late to back out. I dont care anyway. I'll have fun.
You know that feeling when you feel like you have to be friends with people? I do, sometimes. I had a nice talk with a friend of mine today. We talked about some of our other friends and how they profess to love us so much and that we're on of their very best friends, but they push us around and don't give us the time of day when certain other people are around. Maybe I'm complaining too much, but I don't think so. I think I'm just commenting on the state of life, on human nature.
I don't know what I'm saying. One and a half weeks here. That's it. I'm sad. It's been a great year. Hard, but good. I'm going to miss my friends a lot. I'm just glad I have such great friends to go home to also. I know I'm lucky.
I feel sick. Like ima puke. Maybe I will and then I won't go to Las Vegas, but I doubt it.
12:51 AM - haven't started homework, haven't packed, need sleep. Alright I'm out like a trout you know you make me wanna shout clean your grout this is it dont doubt......................this medicine is really weird guys
xoxo lisa
call me this weekend in vegas yo.
I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. Today. w00t? I kinda promised my sister I would, and I'd say the night before is a little late to back out. I dont care anyway. I'll have fun.
You know that feeling when you feel like you have to be friends with people? I do, sometimes. I had a nice talk with a friend of mine today. We talked about some of our other friends and how they profess to love us so much and that we're on of their very best friends, but they push us around and don't give us the time of day when certain other people are around. Maybe I'm complaining too much, but I don't think so. I think I'm just commenting on the state of life, on human nature.
I don't know what I'm saying. One and a half weeks here. That's it. I'm sad. It's been a great year. Hard, but good. I'm going to miss my friends a lot. I'm just glad I have such great friends to go home to also. I know I'm lucky.
I feel sick. Like ima puke. Maybe I will and then I won't go to Las Vegas, but I doubt it.
12:51 AM - haven't started homework, haven't packed, need sleep. Alright I'm out like a trout you know you make me wanna shout clean your grout this is it dont doubt......................this medicine is really weird guys
xoxo lisa
call me this weekend in vegas yo.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Things Mean A Lot
I am listening to the Red House Painters like crazy today. Last night....fun. After I wrote that entry I kicked it with Brandon and Danny til 5 am. They are very nice gentlemen and we had a nice conversation.
I'm a music snob. Tyler called me a music snob today. As did Mark and Rod. Well I'm okay with that. I'm not as bad as some people I know, but seriously...people should just KNOW that The Postal Service came AFTER Death Cab. And sorry guy in front of us in line last night, it was The Who, NOT AC/DC whose fans died during a riot while waiting in line for a show. That's just common knowledge bro.
I am sometimes excited to come home. Meet my LDS homies at Cal, yeeah? I am scared of life. I am really scared of it.
Appointment with the psychiatrist Tuesday. Scared for that too. I'm scared for everything. Every single thing.
"Things mean a lot at the time, don't mean nothin' later."
And that's life. That's what all the people say. (Thanks Frank).
Oh btw, last night driving home from SLC Tyler and I sang Frank Sinatra together and it was quite beautiful. He's a good singer...........AND.......
I'm out.
Love (?),
Lisa
I'm a music snob. Tyler called me a music snob today. As did Mark and Rod. Well I'm okay with that. I'm not as bad as some people I know, but seriously...people should just KNOW that The Postal Service came AFTER Death Cab. And sorry guy in front of us in line last night, it was The Who, NOT AC/DC whose fans died during a riot while waiting in line for a show. That's just common knowledge bro.
I am sometimes excited to come home. Meet my LDS homies at Cal, yeeah? I am scared of life. I am really scared of it.
Appointment with the psychiatrist Tuesday. Scared for that too. I'm scared for everything. Every single thing.
"Things mean a lot at the time, don't mean nothin' later."
And that's life. That's what all the people say. (Thanks Frank).
Oh btw, last night driving home from SLC Tyler and I sang Frank Sinatra together and it was quite beautiful. He's a good singer...........AND.......
I'm out.
Love (?),
Lisa
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Another Day
Saw N.E.R.D. with Tyler and two of his buddies from France tonight. It was awesome. Really awesome. Tyler knows all the words to all of their songs and he got pulled up on stage by Shay and Pharell was ALL over him. Chad wasn't there. Bummer.
Tonight was weird. Just weird. One of those nights when you know something should happen but it doesn't, so you end up feeling jipped or shorted...and depressed. Like right now.
I didn't do what I was supposed to do this year, and now school is going to be really hard. College is. What have I done? I'm so sorry. I'm just sorry. For myself. Self-pity w00t.
But I do love you everyone. That never changes.
xoxo lisa
p.s. frank sinatra is sooo my hero.
"all you need is love."
Tonight was weird. Just weird. One of those nights when you know something should happen but it doesn't, so you end up feeling jipped or shorted...and depressed. Like right now.
I didn't do what I was supposed to do this year, and now school is going to be really hard. College is. What have I done? I'm so sorry. I'm just sorry. For myself. Self-pity w00t.
But I do love you everyone. That never changes.
xoxo lisa
p.s. frank sinatra is sooo my hero.
"all you need is love."
Friday, April 02, 2004
She's Losing It
Hair cut and dyed tonight. Turns out if i wanna go lighter i have to bleach it. crazy.
right now...belle and sebastian pumping. wearing my big sunglasses and trucker hat to the side looking pimp and shizz. love it.
water fight tonight. HUGE WATER FIGHT. i got so wet and then beckie and michelle locked themselves in MY ROOM and put MY CLOTHES ON including my puma and adidas track jackets!!!! I FLIPPED OUT AND STARTED HYPERVENTILATING (not really) BUT I WANTED TO!!!! no one will ever wear those except for me as long as i have anything to say about it. and then jessica went and got them all wet!! MY CLOTHES! but it's cool cos it's just water.
i'm really hot. like temperature. i think i have a fever because i've been having hot/cold flashes all day and i think i'm a bit too young for menopause.
should i go to las vegas next weekend for easter? should i go to the doctor?
sometimes i feel like making a list of all the thing i love, but then i remember i couldn't remember everything anyway, and that i would quite possibly leave off the most important things, so there's no point in the first place.
today martin called me and i didn't want to talk to him so i told him i had class even though i didn't. was that mean? i lied to someone who's just trying to be my friend. but for some reason, i get so anxious when he calls, when i hear his voice, when someone mentions his name....i cant handle it.
that's enough belle and sebastian now.
okay and i just found out that one of my friends back home is really wasted right now and that's kinda sad. nuthin i can do about that but really.....thursday night and they're drunk off their arse. chill baby. work for the weekend. but then it is april fools day and it could be a big prank.
okay that's it. THE WEEKEND IS ALMOST HERE. alright peace love rock and roll party hard love makes the world go round shake it dont break it cant stop the beat move your feet out on the street willy and the poor boys are playing i'm out!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo lliissaa
p.s. perry richard devenport you are dead meat.
right now...belle and sebastian pumping. wearing my big sunglasses and trucker hat to the side looking pimp and shizz. love it.
water fight tonight. HUGE WATER FIGHT. i got so wet and then beckie and michelle locked themselves in MY ROOM and put MY CLOTHES ON including my puma and adidas track jackets!!!! I FLIPPED OUT AND STARTED HYPERVENTILATING (not really) BUT I WANTED TO!!!! no one will ever wear those except for me as long as i have anything to say about it. and then jessica went and got them all wet!! MY CLOTHES! but it's cool cos it's just water.
i'm really hot. like temperature. i think i have a fever because i've been having hot/cold flashes all day and i think i'm a bit too young for menopause.
should i go to las vegas next weekend for easter? should i go to the doctor?
sometimes i feel like making a list of all the thing i love, but then i remember i couldn't remember everything anyway, and that i would quite possibly leave off the most important things, so there's no point in the first place.
today martin called me and i didn't want to talk to him so i told him i had class even though i didn't. was that mean? i lied to someone who's just trying to be my friend. but for some reason, i get so anxious when he calls, when i hear his voice, when someone mentions his name....i cant handle it.
that's enough belle and sebastian now.
okay and i just found out that one of my friends back home is really wasted right now and that's kinda sad. nuthin i can do about that but really.....thursday night and they're drunk off their arse. chill baby. work for the weekend. but then it is april fools day and it could be a big prank.
okay that's it. THE WEEKEND IS ALMOST HERE. alright peace love rock and roll party hard love makes the world go round shake it dont break it cant stop the beat move your feet out on the street willy and the poor boys are playing i'm out!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo lliissaa
p.s. perry richard devenport you are dead meat.
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