I Love You Jesus Christ

So that remark is a tad blasphemous, but oh well.

Strangely, oddly, ironically, I feel a sense of closure to this vacation. All day I've been weeping about, knowing that I have two days before I leave Walnut Creek, before I leave Sloan, before I leave all my friends I ditched for him. These whole two weeks have been a sensational blur. I realized the depth of my heart in these two weeks. I realized that life is nothing without love. I realized that distance might not mean a whole lot afterall. And I realized that having a curfew isn't such a bad thing after all. Not having freedom, however, is.

I am peculiarly happy right now. My heart is full with respect and caring for and from Sloan. I'm happy because Forest is a very good friend of mine.

Somehow, I just feel like everything's going to be alright for the first time in a long time...

...I will miss you every day Sloan...

My Weakness is None of Your Business

today i went to best buy twice. and i took robert and katie to their music lessons with tony. and i chilled with sloan and alex. i just got home and now i am really depressed. like really.

see the day was great. i had a lot of fun and stuff, loved being with sloan and alex. three musketeers. sloan, ferris, cameron. we even cut this old guy in a mercedes off from this parking spot he wanted, so we called him mr. rooney. :) it was just so fun.

maybe i'm just tired now. maybe i really am sad. i'm not sure. all i know is that i didn't want to go home. i wanted to hold sloan for a while. i only have four days left here and i still feel like there's so much i need to learn about him. well whatever. my depression will pass i guess. we're spending the whole day and night together tomorrow anyway.......yeah.

alright well...i think maybe i'll go rent a nice movie or something, like "Rebel Without a Cause." James Dean ALWAYS cheers me up :)

Two-Headed Boy

Mmmm this break is pretty fun. I've only seen my girls once because I've been with Sloan so much. Iono iono. We'll see.

Third time to San Fran this week tonite, second time with the fam. I figure that going without a fight will make my dad happy, perhaps extend my curfew a tiny bit...Yeah yeah, wishful thinking. Oh well.

Neutral Milk Hotel, I love you.

Christmas was a bust. I'm taking back half my gifts. I feel so greedy and selfish, but whatev. I dont want to keep something I dont like, something I wont wear. That, to me, is a greater waste.

Whatev. Right now I gotta go. I'm sick of typing because my fingernails are a little long and it's too hard to type with them. Heh heh.

xoxo Lisa

Nothing Much to Lose

Wow. I mean like w.o.w. I really like Mr. X, and it turns out Mr. Y might be gay. WHAT?! Yes, it's true. I kind of suspected it the whole time anyway, I mean he is freakishly stylish for a guy...oh well. I wouldn't be the first girl to fall for a gay guy (remember Danny on The Real World: New Orleans?).

So. My parents are being COMPLETE and utter jerks. Tyrants. Authoritarian dictators comparable to Stalin himself. They are enforcing a MIDNIGHT CURFEW! for me, an 18 year old college student. Please, cut me some slack here parents. I am doing nothing wrong, participating in perfectly perfect activities. Let me live. Stop cramping my social style...

More on that later. Right now Mr. X is calling <3

xoxo Lisa

PS Alex thanks for being such a spectacular friend :)

I Believe in a Thing Called Love

LOTR last night. Best show ever. Eric, thank you. I love you from the bottom of my heart and you are my BEST FRIEND EVER TOO!!!! Arkarkark.

SOOOOO. The Darkness is my new favorite band. After all my other favorites.

Holy lembas Frodo! I haven't had a really good blog entry in awhile, and I'll tell you why. It started with Mr. X and Mr. Y (no, I'm not talking about chromosomes, sorry to confuse you). I love Mr. X and I love Mr. Y. And that's as far as I'm going to go. It's too private a matter for too public a forum.

Finals this week. Bleh. Bio 100 tomorrow and then I'm done for semester one. Oooh baby.

Discovered today that Teriyaki Stix has gyoza (pot stickers for all you culturally inept). Best thing to eat on campus, I've decided.

So look here sprouts, I gotta go because Jessica's on her way over and we're going to Savers to buy some cute new used clothes. Love you all.

Kathy's Song

Wow. What a great and awful week. Lamia and Jessica moved to DT--my heart still weeps. Went to SLC and saw MoTab last night with Eric and peeps. Way fun time. Frederica Von Stade and Bryn Terfel (f.y.i. my two favorite opera singers of the present day) were the special guests! Imagine that!

I'm excited to come home now. To see people, to see my special friend, to have too much fun.

So much happened this week. I should be able to tell you more. But nothing's coming to mind. All I know is that I'm happy.

LOTR this Wednesday baby. Opening night. SOOOOOOOO excited. I'll tell you all about it, I promise ;)

Love, peace, good cheer,
Lisa.

Just Cry Yourself To Sleep

Groovin to my record player right now. Yes, MY RECORD PLAYER. So awesome. The Doors baby, "Light My Fire."

Just got off the phone with my dear Kevin. Thank you for always being here for me, Kevin. And I always think of you when I hear "The Sound of Silence."

Things are so good right now. I'm always happy, especially lately, but these past couple days I've just been on an emotional high. So great. Unfortunately, I believe completely in the yin and yang, so there will undoubtedly be a low to this high. Oh well, c'est la vie.

I think I'm going to call my grandma Betty now. Then the folks. Then hw. Yes. Bye Bye Love.

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying!

"So she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love - loving the loving of things whose existence she didn't care at all about. Love itself became the object of her love. She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. It was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seeemed to exist." --Everything Is Illuminated

Thanks Sean.

The 59th Street Bridge Song

I am happy today. Saw all my favorite people and then some. In the Wilk today after Music. Eric finds me, says, "I have a present for you." Puts a little piece of paper on the table. "LOTR 12am Dec. 17" it says.

Eric. Thank you so very much. We are going to have so much fun my little movie buddy.

Home sucked. Don't wanna talk about it much.

Sloan I love you. You're just too great for words.

Just looked over at my roommate and she's sleeping on her desk. Love her.

Portable record player coming in 3-7 days. Excitement. Enthusiasm. Suspense. Mmmm.

Going to nap now. Love and peace. Merry Christmas.

Look Ma, The Sun Is Shining On Me

Love today. Played Ferris Bueller with McKenna and Eric B in SF. Bought something (can't say what on here!), walked the streets, played in the chairs at the Clift (almost), rode the elevator up and down, up and down at the St. Francis...yes. And the Lord saw it and called it good. Highlight of the day: legless man riding a skateboard. Now slap my cheeks and call me Sally - that's something you don't see every day.

Received immediate ridicule and looks of disgust from my mother and elder sister the moment I stepped off the plane. Thank you for placing me under constant scrutiny. There's nothing I love more than unnecessary and unjustified criticism from two members of my own family.

Chris Rains - you're my hero. The plane ride was amazing. Thank you.

My mother and sister Becky want my brother Robert to cut his hair and shave his goatee. Quite honestly, he looks good with long hair and a bit of chin stubble. "You ruin everything, Lisa," says the mom. Oh well. You can hate your grandkids someday too since I'll approve of their long hair and first attempts at styled facial hair similar to Robert's. And there's my only depression my life that's been nothing but looked down upon by my mother.

But today was a great day. Just a great frickin day. Eric Burstyn and McKenna Stevens, love you with all my heart. We'll do it again, just the three of us. Not sure one can recreate a day as spontaneous and magical as today, but it could happen. We'll make it.

Bless your hearts. I'm off to Hannah's :)

I Wanna Rock! (Rock!)

Mmmm. Eddie keeps wowing me with amazing jackets. Saw him today wearing a bright orange ski jacket. Love that guy. Hi-fived me and I squeezed his arm telling him how much I loved his jacket. hot deal. love that eddie king.

country roads, take me home to the place where i belong. norcal, mountain mama, take me home country roads. this tuesday baby.

sloan. you're amazing.

slipped on ice yesterday and sprained my ankle. love it here so much. luckily chris was with me so he could help me up. yeah. like i have no idea how i'm going to get around tomorrow. i'm going to try and stay off the thing the rest of the night so i can maybe...hopefully...walk again tomorrow. yeah. it already feels a bit better; it's swollen to the size of an orange though (well, at least a small one).

mmm not much else to say. jealous of sloan on his mexican cruise. but that's all. love you all. keep on truckin.

<3 lisa

Night on the Sun

Wow. I mean like W.O.W. Modest Mouse and Helio Sequence tonight, plus Winford E.I. from Oaktown. They were....not that good. But wow. Helio Sequence. Let's talk about amazing talent. Sloan, call me right now so we can talk about this. Modest Mouse....incredible. I thought I'd have something amazing to say about it but i'm going on three hours of sleep from last night so i should probably call it quits. love you all. coming home tuesday night. call me, we'll chizill.

kablerium vs. obliviousity

Good days these past couple. Sloan + Lisa = true love ;) Saw Eddie yesterday in the JKHB but snubbed him by not talking when he slowed down to talk...felt bad. Saw him again today and he said Hi again, wore the hottest green sweater ever. Want it for myself. What else...been sleeping like crazy lately. Just woke up from a two hour snoozefest when I have a ten page research paper due tomorrow = bad news. Hardly started. But I've gotten an A on every paper in there so far so I'm not too worried. It just means a long tonight and longer tomorrow. But that's okay. Baby, now that I've found you I can't let you go. Love my friends back home. Miss you all. Can't wait to chill with y'all next week. Talk about heaven! w00t!

Okay. Modest Mouse and Helio Sequence show TOMORROW NIGHT!!! SO EXCITED BABY!!

And that's the end of the show for tonight. Come back soon!

As You Are

Loving Travis right now. Francis...you're my hero. thing is, i'm sitting in the library supposed to be working, but instead i'm just kind of grooving to music, writing in my blog, talking to the cute boy next to me..heh heh. yeah. home again in eight days, kind of weird. this last trip home was a little weird, i think i said that before. but walnut creek just doesn't feel the same anymore. it's doesn't really feel like home. then again, provo doesn't always feel like home either. constant give and take, i guess. slept through my nine o'clock this morning, almost didn't make it to my ten o'clock either (i at least didn't get there til 10:30...eep!), but it's the first time i've done that, so i'm over it. i dont really know what to write. i'm going to be home again soon. i'm not in denial about how i'm growing apart from old friends, unlike some of these same old friends...it's natural for us to grow apart. let's not fight nature. i sound like i don't wanna be friends with these people anymore. that's totally not true, but i just don't feel the same fire and warmth in the friendship that used to be there. we're all different now; we all have different friends at college and we're going in different directions with our lives...i know in my case, i'm finally doing things i've talked about doing my whole life. things are taking off, life is great, i'm happier than ever almost. so let's make promises to be friends forever and call the worrying quits, okay? you guys know we'll always be friends...we'll have those once yearly phone calls or we'll exchange holiday cards. for crying out loud, you don't go all the way through high school, through thick and thin, as best friends only to trivialize everything by letting absence get the better of you...please girls, no. it won't happen to us. not all the way. but kids. my research paper beckons and procrastination never helped anyone. love to all. kristy and jessie - come back from arizona already!! Heh heh heh...::evil laughter:: YES!!

Origin of Symmetry

Being home is weird. Oh yeah, I'm home for all of you who didn't know. Coming back Sunday, maybe Monday, so don't fret. But yeah, being home is really strange. I think I captured it best when I said to my mom, "It's interesting. Life changes so much every day at college. I change so much. When I come home, everything is exactly the same. The same po-po's prowl the downtown streets, the same gutter punks are hanging outside the theater...life just doesn't change here." So tonight I was chilling in Barnes and Noble with Celeste, and I felt out of place. I felt like Eric should be popping out from behind a corner, or that Eddie's bubbly laugh should be radiating from some nearby table, or that Andrea should be randomly coming into my room...but none of this happened. None of it will happen. It's sad really...when I'm there I long to be here; now that I'm here, I long to be there. "No one is ever happy where they are," says the Prince. He's so right. Just today Eric asked me if I considered Provo "home" yet, and I said. "No. Provo will never be home. Home is always my parents' house." But I almost feel like revoking that. Whether I like it or not, Provo holds a lot of meaning for me right now. It's where my surrogate family is, it's where my life is. Walnut Creek holds little for me other than my own bed, my high school friends, and serves as the primary locale for all my childhood endeavors. Life isn't in Walnut Creek anymore. Life is in Provo. I've finally realized this. I'm finally ready to accept it.

Best Day of My Life

Wonderful day today.
Class at 8 am. Left early and found Becky who was sick so I bought her some throat drops.
Home to sleep for two hours.
Woke up and talked to my favorite people online. John Garlock, Sean Conroy, Celeste Naima, Brian Emmett.
Went up to campus, settled in the library at a comp and found some cool classes to take online.
Walked up the stairs from Periodicals and Eddie was standing at the top. Broke conversation to begin one with me. Love that Eddie boy. SO amazing.
Wilk for lunch. Called Britt and went to the Provo City Library to get our froggie cards and delve into the shelves. No time though.
Voice at 3. Enthused and raring for auditions in January. I kick vocal arse.
Called Mom after class and had a good talk.
Tanner for choir. Scott walking out as I walked in. Talked to him for a moment while standing no more than 4 inches away. Left before choir even began but signed the attendance anyway. Brushed against his stomach and said goodbye.
Sat inside talking to mom while choir progressed. Scott came back to cross out his initials on the attendance - said I made him feel guilty. Affectionately slugged my arm as we exchanged goodbyes again.
Knees turned to jelly as I recounted to my mom my history with him. Love Scott. Amazing man.
Choir rocked the house.
Went home and then back up to campus for "Through the Olive Trees," a Persian film. Loved it. Dinner with Britt before, movie with Britt, library with Britt after.
Called Mckenna for a Happy Birthday wish.
Found Eric hard at work playing minesweeper on his lappie. Moved to sit next to him as Britt had since left.
Talked forever. Love Eric.
Met two boys who were very cute sitting across the table from us. Nice kids.
Ride home from Eric. Grimmace is flipping off all of Utah Valley on East Bulldog. Check it out.
Home now. No homework anymore prease. Talking to all my favorite people...almost.
Love changes everything.

Where You'll Find Me Now

Hada nice little campfire last night. Saw Spirited Away - amazing movie, btw. Chilled at Jessie's. Invented the Puzzle Club. Met Juliana. Church today with Britt and J. Just got stuck in an elevator with about 26 other people. Nearly suffocated. Tons o' fun. Yeah. Def tons o' fun. Had dinner in the Cannon with Britt, J, and Eric. Met this awesome guy named Chris. Love that guy. Dark and sinister while still being fairly sane. Saw my other favorite people- Hayley, Andrea, Allison, Brandon, Forest, Julianne, Eddie (who squeezed my knee, btw ;) ) and others. And the Lisa saw it and declared, "Today was good." Talked to Allison and Bea on the phone too. Bless their hearts, I miss them. Um okay. Really should go now. Love and peace to all.

The Beautiful Occupation

Scariest dream ever last night. Dreamt that I was driving my family's Suburban and it broke down and I was pissed because I was in a hurry for....
Forest and Andrea's wedding. Sorry guys. I don't know how or why or what subconscious message that conveys...I'm just so sorry. It was pretty hilarious though. I honestly woke up and my heart was pouding. 'Twas a pretty harrowing dream I guess.

Mama's got a squeezebox, Daddy never sleeps at night!! --Love this Song

Peace the "You-know-what" Out

Btw, I saw Eddie in the library tonight. EDDIE THE KING IN THE LIBRARY ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!!!! ::SIGH:: Love that man with heart and soul, I'm so in love with you....yeah.

Wow. I mean like W.O.W.

So Friend Male has been digging Friend Female like MAJORLY this past little while, and she has been trying to get him to back off, but to no avail. He keeps pursuing. Really messed up game of cat and mouse, but the mouse actually wants to be friends with the cat, and the cat wants to be lovers with the mouse. Whoa. Messed up analogy too, but the thing is I'm tired and it's rather late considering I've been up since 7 am. Sheesh give me a break people. Things are going alright though. Got in a nice huge fight with my parents tonight about me coming home. "You're not going to be coming home at the rate you're going," said Dad. "Um, what are you talking about Dad?" "You know what I'm talking about." Yeah, vagueness solves all our problems Dad, really gets us closer to the answer. He was mad at me for wanting to see my friends when I'm home next weekend. But instead of saying nicely like "Lisa, I don't want you having friends over," he completely BLEW UP LIKE A BOMB, out of the roof. It was insane. I just started crying so hard and Britt was with me. It was so stupid. We always fight about the stupidest things. The Stupidest Things. So look here kids, I wanna go to bed. I think I'm going to. Okay. Love you all with the fire of a thousand flames. Made a lot of sense. K Bye.